STARRING Ian Ziering - Finley Allen "Fin" Shepard
Tara Reid - April Dawn Wexler Shepard
Cassie Scerbo - Nova Clarke
David Hasselhoff - Gilbert Grayson "Gil" Shepard
Bo Derek - May Wexler
Frankie Muniz - Lucas Stevens
Ryan Newman - Claudia Shepard
Jack Griffo - Billy
Genre - Science Fiction/B-Movie/Bad Animals/Sharks
Running Time - 95 Minutes
PLOT After the events of SHARKNADO 2 in New York City, Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering) is considered a national hero in the eyes of the public. He travels to Washington D.C. to receive an honor called the "Order of the Golden Chainsaw" from the President of the United States (Mark Cuban). During the celebration, another shark storm arrives, almost taking out the entire government before stopping itself within the clouds. Reuniting with his ex-girlfriend Nova (Cassie Scerbo) - who is still traumatized by the events of being swallowed by a shark in the first SHARKNADO - they realize that the sharks adapted to living in the sky by eating birds, creating storms to feed their hunger. They soon learn that the sharks are attacking the entire East Coast, especially Florida where his pregnant wife April (Tara Reid), her mom (Bo Derek) and his daughter (Ryan Newman) are vacationing. With the help of his estranged dad (David Hasselhoff), Fin must go beyond the skies to stop this Sharknado from turning into a Sharkacane that will wipe out most of the population.
REVIEW
Another year, another SHARKNADO film. While SHARKNADO 3: OH HELL NO! didn't beat the ratings set by SHARKNADO 2 last year [it still beat the ratings of the first film however], it's always nice to see this stupid franchise give us a new adventure even if the premise is wearing itself thin at this point. But luckily, I still felt SHARKNADO 3 worked better than it should have, even though the idea of a SHARKNADO 4 makes you wonder what else they can do in this franchise.
STORY Screenplay - To get into detail about the story would be repeating myself for the third time in three years. If you've seen both SHARKNADO films, you know what to expect when it comes to the story, the dialogue, and the three-act structure. It's still stupid. It still doesn't make sense besides the idea of "Because Science". And the dialogue still winks at the audience and lets you know that the franchise understands what it is, and has no shame in living in its own truth. While many are negative on these films, I do respect SHARKNADO for embracing what it is, even if the attempt to become a cult franchise is highly intentional.
Unlike the last film, however, I thought the screenplay did drag in parts - especially during the middle portion of the film. There's a lot of exposition here, with characters talking about the situation in a pretty bland manner. There's a lot of new characters that aren't all that interesting really who end up kind of important by the film's end. The only time the middle act works is when the shark start attacking celebrity cameos. And the Frankie Muniz death scene was probably the best part of this portion, only because the Malcolm in the Middle actor ended up just a middle without limbs. The second act needed more clever moments like that to maintain the flow.
At least the opening and closing acts are well written and memorable. The first act involves Fin at the White House, saving the government from a Sharknado hitting Washington D.C. Giving him a Golden Chainsaw was cute, as well as having Ann Coulter be the Madame Vice President [too bad she didn't bite it] and Mark Cuban as the President. And Lou Ferringno, playing a bodyguard who tells people that they wouldn't like him when he's angry is some funny stuff. There's a lot of Americana in the first act, but it doesn't really take it all that seriously, which I liked. Some films hit you over the head with patriotism, but SHARKNADO 3 is being silly with it - as if the filmmakers are saying Americans are stupid enough to enjoy B-movie schlock like this with a wink and smile.
The last act is even more crazy, with the gang going into space to fight off these sharks. I don't know where you can go after that, but it was a ton of fun to watch. And seeing a just-born baby rip himself out of a shark that has crashed on Earth is just amusing. And why was Anthony Weiner running NASA? I guess a space shuttle is a metaphor for his penis. Who said sexting could ruin your career?
I also loved the return of Nova to the franchise. We hadn't seen her since the first film, and I thought her traumatic behavior towards the storms was believable and a good character arc. She had some nice tension with Fin and April, considering she has feelings for Fin. Plus she's totally hot and bad ass, so I have no qualms with her return. And I did enjoy Frankie Muniz's character, especially when he says, "Could be worse. Could be zombies." - almost making fun of SyFy's Z-Nation show and the fact SyFy makes a bunch of crappy zombie films as well. So I appreciated the network making fun of itself as well.
Plus the Today Show segments return in all their seriousness, which adds the surrealistic tone. I'll never forget the term "The Feast Coast." And the structure that the first SHARKNADO started still manages to work in the third one, even though you can see how tired and uninspired it's starting to become. It's not a great script, but it manages to build on the story and continue to show how illogical this whole premise is. If you're expecting intelligence in SHARKNADO 3, you're watching the wrong film.
Direction - Anthony C. Ferrante returns for the third time behind the lens. I thought his direction was on par with the first film, but not really with the second. I felt the second film had more energy and momentum, with things constantly happening to create a more fun atmosphere. I felt Ferrante attempted to have moments that were trying to build character development or relationships between characters more often than not, which ruined the flow for me. Yes, we should care about characters. But these quieter moments should be more interesting and not feel pointless by film's end. The film worked a lot better when the sharks were creating chaos.
I also felt that Ferrante had too many locations to focus on at once. We have characters in D.C. We have characters in Florida. We have the Today Show. We have NASA. We have the space stuff. SHARKNADO 2's strength was keeping the story in New York City, allowing the city to be its own character to enhance the situations the story provided. SHARKNADO 3 felt too scatterbrain for me. Besides the water park stuff, the Florida scenes were just "meh". I felt the space stuff could have been its own film, even though Ferrante shoots it well. I just thought there was a lot going on, which made the film feel a bit disjointed.
Other than that, the editing was good. The CGI remained consistent with the last film. The picture quality was probably an improvement. And the little touches, like the James Bond opening and the animated opening credits, really showed some inspiration in terms of visual presentation. And when the action is on-screen, the film really works and puts a smile on your face. So for the most part, Ferrante does a decent job. I think the script let him down a bit because they crammed a ton of stuff within 90 minutes that could have been saved for a later sequel.
Acting - Again, not the greatest acting in the world. Ian Ziering is still playing it as straight as ever, and it works. Tara Reid is still terrible in these films. I hope the viewers chose the right hashtag when it comes to the April character [#AprilDies]. Cassie Scerbo returns, and she has her moments. She did have a moment where she was acting upset after someone's death that ended up being unintentionally hysterical, so there's that. Frankie Muniz had a great death scene and nice to see him still working. Bo Derek looks great, but doesn't add much. David Hasselhoff is fun to watch as Fin's dad. Plus all the cameos, including Mark Cuban, Chris Jericho, the Today Show hosts, and Lou Ferringno were a lot of fun. It's a good cast as usual for this type of movie.
VIOLENCE SHARKNADO 3 is a bit less violent than the other two films, but it still has some good stuff. Sharks still squash people. People get bit in the ass. Sharks bite heads off. Frankie Muniz gets his limbs chomped off, before blowing himself up. Gun play, chainsaw play, and sword play is at hand. We get a shark on a rollercoaster track killing folks. It's nothing you haven't seen in this franchise, but it's probably still the best part of this sequel.
SEX
Unlike SHARKNADO 2, which took place during a cooler climate, SHARKNADO 3 does show some flesh for both men and women. You get Cassie Scerbo is a hot bikini that leaves little to the imagination. And Ian Ziering defies his 50-years of age by wearing just boxer briefs, showing off his worked out bod. It's a pretty tame film other than that, but it's something.
CHEESE FACTOR SHARKNADO 3 goes into space by the film's end. And Ann Coulter with any sort of political power? It doesn't get cheesier than that.
THE FINAL HOWL
SHARKNADO 3: OH HELL NO! continues the fun that the franchise provides, although it's wearing pretty thin by this installment. I felt the film started off strong, sort of meandered in the middle unfortunately, but came back strong and bonkers by the film's end. The acting is what it is. The direction, for the most part, maintains the feel of the other two films. And the cameos are still the highlights of these movies. SHARKNADO 3 won't change anyone's mind about this franchise, whether you enjoy these movies or not, still maintaining a high level of stupidity that will make you smile and chuckle for 90 minutes. I still feel SHARKNADO 2 was the "best" film of the three, but SHARKNADO 3 still has enough bite to work.
Sharks...in space. SHARKS IN SPACE. Where do they go from here?
STARRING Ian Ziering - Fin Shepard
Tara Reid - April Wexler
Vivica A. Fox - Skye
Mark McGrath - Martin Brody
Kari Wuhrer - Ellen Brody
Judd Hirsch - Ben
Courtney Baxter - Mora Brody
Dante Palminteri - Vaughn Brody
Judah Friedlander - Bryan
PLOT Fin (Ian Ziering) and ex-wife April (Tara Reid) are on a plane heading to NYC for a book signing. You see, April wrote a book - "How To Survive A Sharknado" - making her and Fin celebrities. Unfortunately, another Sharknado hits during the flight, creating chaos. It seems a series of shark storms are heading to the Big Apple to continue the rampage they did back in Los Angeles - and Fin must protect his family and friends from a bigger, and more sillier, threat.
REVIEW
STORY Screenplay - 2013's SHARKNADO, produced by The Asylum, was one of the biggest surprises of last Summer. While it wasn't a ratings bonanza, it took over social media and became a phenomenon within the world of pop culture. It became The Asylum's most successful film, meaning a sequel was no doubt rushed into production. Hence, I'm now discussing SHARKNADO 2: THE SECOND ONE.
And by God, this shit storm was absolutely glorious.
SHARKNADO 2 does what a sequel is meant to do - continue the story while creating bigger and badder scenarios for our characters to conquer. While the first film took its time building into the Sharknado madness, the sequel wastes no time getting right into the action - building more and more until it's insane and silly finale. And that's all I wanted from SHARKNADO 2 - a more stupid, but also more epic follow up to an already dumb movie.
Just like the last film, the story is really the aspect that no one expects to be good or anything. After all, it's a sequel to a film about a tornado of hungry sharks. Anyone wanting deep character development and fine tuned story arcs has no business watching SHARKNADO 2, or any Asylum film. But I gotta say - the script kinda surprised me in a good way here. It was pretty clever in a tongue-in-cheek, wink at the audience, sort of way. The first film took itself more seriously in a lot of ways, trying to establish itself as a movie. The sequel knows what it is and embraces the phenomenon it has become. Having certain cameos that referenced previous films and television shows was really great. Who didn't smile when Robert Hays was the pilot at the start of the film, commenting that he's used to strange situations in the air? Judd Hirsch driving a taxi cab? All you needed was Danny Devito, Marilu Henner, Christopher Lloyd, Tony Danza, and Andy Kaufman to complete the joke. Plus having Vivica A. Fox swing samurai swords like she stepped off the set of KILL BILL VOL. 1 is just great stuff. I'll get more into the cameos shortly, but I thought they added to the story rather than take away from it.
The best part was the attempt to give Fin a background of sorts, making him grounded within this crazy universe. We learn he's a New Yorker. We learn he has an estranged relationship with his best friend, who happened to marry his sister. Did I mention that their names are Martin and Ellen Brody? We find out he had a relationship with Skye, who still wants Fin. Even April is jealous that she could lose her ex-husband to this woman. While it's not deep or anything, I liked the family element and how Fin wanted to save all of them and the city he loves. It made the guy more likeable to me, wanting him to save the day and get the girl at the end. I did not expect a sequel, especially from The Asylum, to actually fill in blanks for the characters and give them a reason for existing other than food for these sharks. Gotta give the screenwriters a lot of credit for that.
As for the scenarios our characters are placed in, I thought they were a lot of fun. We get a shark attack in a subway tunnel. A Mets game gets interrupted by falling sharks. The Statue of Liberty's head gets knocked off by a Sharknado, leading to devastation CLOVERFIELD was scared to do. We get buzzsaws, chainsaws, guns, flamethrowers, swords, and even lightning rods to stop these sharks. The finale is pretty fucking wild too, more so than the previous installment. Just a lot of creative shit that no sane person would think of on a good day.
Is it the greatest script? Nowhere close. But it manages to continue the story while building upon it, even if a lot of it is totally illogical and ridiculous. But that's what you want from a film called SHARKNADO 2: THE SECOND ONE.
Direction - Anthony C. Ferrante returns to visualize the franchise he created, and I thought he did a great job. I thought the pacing was a lot better than time around, since the film is pretty much action right from the start. I thought he used the NYC location really well, with the sharks infiltrating the subway system, Liberty Island, pizzerias, and etc. The tone is consistent throughout, and the film is funny without forcing it too much. And I thought the CGI looked way better here than it did a year ago. Obviously, a budget was put into this thing and I thought it was handled fine. The picture quality is what it is. If you've seen the last film, it looks similar. Ferrante kept the visual entertainment going and I appreciated that. He could have half-assed it, knowing the film would do really well regardless due to the first film. But he really tried to make a "good" sequel, which is something he should be applauded for.
Acting - Again, SHARKNADO 2 doesn't have the greatest acting in the world. But I thought it was an improvement over the first. Ian Ziering is back as our main hero, Fin. He plays it straight and says some really ridiculous lines of dialogue without a sense of a smile. He's still a badass with a chainsaw and kept the charm from the previous film. Nice to see Steve Sanders kick some ass. Tara Reid is still the worst actress here as April, but I could tell she tried to put in a good performance. She looked really out of it in the first film. But she seemed more aware and had some fun in this one. So that's an upgrade in my opinion. Mark McGrath was fine as Martin Brody, Fin's brother-in-law. He gets to set some sharks on fire and seemed to be enjoying himself. Kari Wuhrer was cool as Ellen Brody, making me wish she was April rather than Tara Reid. Vivica A. Fox was a bad ass as Skye, but I wish her role was larger. Judd Hirsch was funny as Ben, playing up his Taxi character. Judah Friedlander has some decent moments as Bryan.
The cameos, though, were the highlight for me. Just trying to point out each actor/singer/wrestler was a lot of fun. Kelly Osbourne is a flight attendant. Robert Hays is a pilot. Perez Hilton and Jared from Subway are waiting for a train on the subway. Kurt Angle was a fire captain. Pepa and Tiffany Shepis were Ellen's best friends. Biz Markie was a pizzeria owner. Matt Lauer and Al Roker cracked me up in their scenes on the Today Show set. There are a whole lot more in the film, and most of them get eaten by sharks. So it's all in great fun. I liked the cast in this one.
VIOLENCE
You thought SHARKNADO was violent? This one takes it up a notch. A lot of sharks biting off heads while torpedoing at them. Chopped off limbs right from the start. A lot of chainsaw violence. We also get some sword play. Gun play is here too. We get a water gun turned into a flamethrower. We get sharks landing on people, killing them. We get explosions, electrocutions, and even flying within the storm and riding the shark down to the ground. Just an insane amount of violent stuff here. The final act alone satisfied the quota here. Too much fun to handle.
SEX
The last film took place in a warmer climate. This film takes place during a cooler one, so no bikinis or sexy outfits at all here. Not much to say here.
CHEESE FACTOR
The title alone, SHARKNADO 2: THE SECOND ONE, is cheesy enough. Hell, the existence of this film fills the spectrum here. A Sharknado in NYC? Insanity!
THE FINAL HOWL
I wasn't sure what to expect with SHARKNADO 2: THE SECOND ONE. B-movie sequels don't usually have a great track record, especially when they're made for SyFy by the Asylum. But SHARKNADO 2 won me over right when the tail of the airplane moved like a shark fin through the cloud [thank you AIRPLANE!]. Just a really stupid piece of shit film that will keep a smile on your face for its entire run time. Better story, direction, and acting than in the first. The cameos are worth the watch alone. The final act is something that must be watched. SHARKNADO 2 was way better than it had any right to be, which probably surprised us all while watching it. I actually thought this was better than the first film, to be honest with you. It knew what it was and it had no shame giving it to us. So bad, it was awesome. Bring on the third one!
This section of the blog is due to me being lazy, I mean swamped with watching so many films that I want to discuss on this blog. But I don't really have the time, so I decided to quickly [well as much as I can really] to review films I don't really want to focus too much time on. You'll be seeing these more often than not. Time for the reviews!
DIRECTED BY
Kevin Hamedani
STARRING Janette Armand - Frida Abbas
Doug Fahl - Tom Hunt
Cooper Hopkins - Lance Murphy
Russell Hodgkinson - Joe Miller
Cornelia Moore - Cheryl Banks
James Mesher - Mayor Hal E. Burton
Bill Johns - Reverend Haggis
Ali Hamedani - Ali Abbs
Genre - Horror/Comedy/Zombies
Running Time - 89 Minutes
PLOT In the town of Fort Gamble, Frida (Janette Armand) is the daughter of an Iranian immigrant who has returned home while taking some time off from studying at Princeton. Frida and her father (Ali Hamedani) clash due to their generational gap and Frida's relationship with Derek (Ryan Barret), a dishwasher and aspiring musician. This stops being an issue once a zombie chews out Derek's throat.
Meanwhile, Tom (Doug Fahl) has returned home with his boyfriend Lance (Cooper Hopkins) to tell his mom that he's gay. When he comes out, Tom's mom becomes a zombie after being bitten.
Both parties try to find some shelter during this sudden zombie apocalypse. Unfortunately, both have to deal with prejudices from the other survivors. Frida is kidnapped by her white trash neighbors, who are convinced that this zombie deal is due to terrorism. And Tom and Lance are trapped inside of a church, where homosexuality is considered a sin. What's worse - being alive or dead?
REVIEW
When it comes to zombie films, George A. Romero is usually the first name that comes to mind. Not only does Romero give the audience the gruesome horror they'd expect, but also powerful social commentary that lingers long after the movie is over. ZMD: ZOMBIES OF MASS DESTRUCTION tries to follow the template by providing both the horror and the commentary. And while it goes for it without holding back. ZMD tries a bit too much, sacrificing certain aspects in the process.
ZMD is focused on presenting a zombie commentary during a post-9/11 world. The commentary was fueled after director Kevin Hamedani was treated as a terrorist by other Americans due to his ethnicity. Also, he realized the growing tension between religious folks and the stance on gay marriage, wanting to use that debate as well. Putting an Arab and two homosexuals within an over-the-top idyllic world that soon becomes a zombie playground seems to hammer home what the film is trying to say. Unfortunately, the hammering becomes a bit too much, as the commentary is a bit too thick by the film's end. So much is focused on the satire, that the characters comes across as nothing but archetypes that audiences will forget about the next day.
The characters of Frida, Tom, and Lance are fleshed out because they're the targets of the satire for being Arab, or homosexuals respectively. But the other characters are just there to be their antagonists to hammer the commentary - Arabs are terrorists and homosexuals are sinners. Sure, these characters may have a bit of depth and even their own story arcs, but they don't really matter much at the end due to the zombies wiping them out in the final act. It's during this final portion where ZMD becomes a fun watch, due to the visual carnage. But before that, we have to sit with dialogue that's a mixed bag of funny while not pushing the story as forward as it needs to. Commentary is important, especially during this day and age. But too much of it becomes a turn off, especially when the comedy isn't as strong as it needs to be to lighten things up. Luckily some of the humor, like the coming out scene and some sight gags, do work. But more of that could have helped the film greatly.
What does help are the gore effects, which are done really well. Necks get ripped open, people get hit by vehicles, people get decapitated, plus some knife and hammer play. And I can't forget the moment where someone gets beaten down by their own detached arm. Kevin Hamedani handles these visual gags and most of the direction well, as the film is paced very well considering we're really watching two stories in one movie. The lighting could have been better in some scenes, but the visual presentation is pretty top notch. Just the setting of Fort Gamble, which sort of looks like a fantasy version of the suburbs, looks great.
The acting is pretty good as well. I thought Janette Armand was particularly good as Frida, with Doug Fahl (Tom) and Russell Hodgkinson (Joe) right behind her. No one was particularly bad and all played their roles as believable as possible.
THE FINAL HOWL ZMD: ZOMBIES OF MASS DESTRUCTION is your typical zombie-comedy that doesn't work as well as it should due to its thick political satire that becomes tiring by the movie's end. But at least Kevin Hamedani attempted to go the Romero route and tried to make this film be about SOMETHING relevant. And with good visuals, good gore, and actors who are game, ZMD almost becomes something great. It's just a good zombie film in the end, but I can respect that it at least tries to be something more.
SCORE
3 Howls Outta 4
DIRECTED BY
Byron Werner
STARRING Chelsea Jean - Gwen
Gregory Bastien - Earl
Denise Boutte - Mandy
Scott Carson - Avery
Matt Marraccini - Jerry
Kandis Erickson - Sondra
Steven Glinn - Buck
Jeremy Bouvet - Bloody Bill
Dean N. Arevalo - Darrel
Genre - Horror/Supernatural/Zombies
Running Time - 82 Minutes
PLOT A college debate team are on their way to a competition when they hit a man (Gregory Bastien) with their van. Thinking they killed someone, they're surprised when this man has tricked them to hijack their ride with a gun, ordering them to find his drug partner, Darrel (Dean N. Arevalo). They find Darrel's abandoned car outside of a ghost town, but no sign of Darrel or anyone else. The group learns that this town is attached to an urban legend about an evil Confederate named General "Bloody Bill" Anderson (Jeremy Bouvet), who murdered a lot of people during the Civil War. After several Union soldiers beat and killed Bloody Bill, the Confederate has decided to haunt this town - bringing some hungry zombies along for the ride.
REVIEW DEATH VALLEY: THE REVENGE OF BLOODY BILL is an Asylum production that's a mixed bag for me. Director Byron Werner, and writers John & Matthew Yuan were obviously inspired by other horror films - like the original TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE and FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2. And the Western motif is actually pretty cool for a horror feature. But I wasn't sure what this film wanted to be. Is it a ghost film? Is it a zombie film? Is it action? Is it horror? The tone was uneven and took me out of this film. Plus, the story is pretty generic stuff and feels like your standard slasher flick, just with zombies. You won't really care about any of the characters [since you're not really given any time to know them], hoping that Bloody Bill and the zombies eliminate all of them. We also get a scene where characters are debating over the merit of the Bible, which doesn't really lead into anything important. Plus, we have characters wondering why a certain character is getting sick after being bit by a member of the undead. Like really? I can tolerate stupid characters. I can tolerate annoying characters. But when you mix the two, I start to tune out.
I will say that I did enjoy the gore of the film, considering the low budget. We get some flesh eating, some gun play, a head being crushed by some strong hands, and normal zombie kill stuff. It looks kinda cheap, but not cheap enough where it takes you out of the film. Considering the lame story, having some blood and guts being thrown around was a plus.
The direction also isn't that bad. The film is well paced, and the cinematography has an interesting yellow/red tint going for it. The flashback scenes with Bloody Bill are presented as a silent film reel, which I actually dug quite a lot. There are even some decent, fun moments of tension. There were some major editing issues that I spotted though, especially when characters would speak to each other with mismatching shots one after the other. But other than that, I've seen worse and thought Byron Werner did a good job considering.
The acting was a mix of highs and lows from everyone involved. Chelsea Jean's character annoyed me for majority of the film, but I thought her acting was fine. Gregory Bastien's Earl grated me during the first half of the film [he was a bit too forced in his tough guy delivery], but he was good during the second half. Jeremy Bouvet as Bloody Bill looked pretty cool. No one else really stands out, to be honest. But each actor did good and bad with what they were given throughout the film.
THE FINAL HOWL
"Meh" is the best way to describe DEATH VALLEY: THE REVENGE OF BLOODY BILL. I couldn't really get into the generic story due to the stupid, annoying characters and me wondering what sub-genre this film was trying to fit into. But I did like the gore, the direction wasn't too bad, and the acting was in the middle for me. It's not the worst flick out there, especially since it's really short. But it's not a film you have to go out and see either. No need to really care about this REVENGE. But if you do, it's not the worst way to waste 80 minutes of your time.
SCORE
1.5 Howls Outta 4
DIRECTED BY
Anthony Fankhauser
STARRING Michael Gaglio - Professor Roger Franklin
James Arthur Lewis - Mike Lewis
Brett Newton - Gary Gold
Sylvia Panacione - Tessa Escobar
Rachel Riley - Lena Russell
Matthew Temple - Robby Williams
Diana Terranova - Janina Peslo
PLOT Lost footage is found of a paranormal investigation team who decided to set up their camera inside the abandoned home of executed serial killer, John Wayne Gacy. Using a medium (Diana Terranova), the team attempts to contact Gacy from the afterlife, or any of Gacy's victims who may have died inside the house. Suddenly things happen inside of the house that can't be explained, which makes the team doubt or believe in any evidence that doesn't seem tangible. But the angry spirit of Gacy will be heard, which makes this curious team his latest victims.
REVIEW
I have three words for 8213: GACY HOUSE:
WHAT THE FUCK!?
Another film produced by The Asylum, 8213: GACY HOUSE jumps on the current bandwagon of the latest horror trend - the found footage movie. As you may know, I'm not the biggest fan of this sub-genre, although there are some films that do it quite well. CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST, CLOVERFIELD, and THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT come to mind. This attempt to capitalize on the success of PARANORMAL ACTIVITY is a very lame one, making that film look like a masterpiece in the process.
For one, the script is just terrible. The characters are not believable in any real way. Two members of the team decide that during supernatural events inside the house they're staying in, it's a great idea to fool around. Hey, if ghosts of serial killers gets one aroused, should I judge? The medium, who has huge boobs by the way [probably one of the few highlights of this film], decides to offer her neighbor's son's shirt so Gacy can talk to her from the dead. Pretty nasty if you ask me. Speaking of Gacy, his first words to the crew through an EVP recording is "Kiss my ass!" Very classy. And I got to love when paranormal investigators go down into a pedophile's basement, asking the dead pedophile whether he had molested boys inside the area. Yeah, that's an ice breaker. Plus, windows open, doors open and close, and objects move to different places - yet this PARANORMAL INVESTIGATION team doesn't correlate that it's the spirit of John Wayne Gacy doing this, thinking the crew are pulling pranks on each other. REALLY?? Fuck these idiots!
The highlight of the film though, besides the medium's big boobs [which the camera does an extreme close-up on], is towards the end where a young man begins to levitate kicking and screaming. Suddenly, his pants get pulled down and hovers into the basement to get ghost raped. I could not stop laughing at this. For this reason alone, I can't give the film a BOMB. It was the only part of the film that truly entertained me. I guess the image of ghost Gacy wearing his clown make up is pretty humorous too, considering he didn't pass away wearing it. Oh GACY HOUSE...
The direction is nothing special. It's all done in handheld style, with mixes of night vision shots and security camera footage. It's not creepy or tense in any way. The visuals are mainly shots of characters talking and walking around. Thrilling stuff, folks.
The acting is okay, I guess. No one comes across as really bad or anything. But considering the characters and the dumb actions they made, I couldn't really be convinced by any of their performances.
THE FINAL HOWL 8213: GACY HOUSE is mainly a boring piece of found footage fluff no one needs to seek out. If you've seen one found footage film, you've seem them all. Stupid characters. A ton of dull walking and talking. Generic found footage visuals that don't add much to the story. If it wasn't for some big boobs, clown Gacy, and the dude who gets ghost raped, this film would be a total waste of time. You're better off watching a documentary on John Wayne Gacy, or even a better film about the serial killer, if you're into that sort of thing. But this one needs to be avoided before you lose your ass virginity.
SCORE
0.5 Howls Outta 4
DIRECTED BY James Mather
Stephen St. Leger
STARRING Guy Pearce - Snow
Maggie Grace - Emilie Warnock
Vincent Regan - Alex
Joseph Gilgun - Hydell
Lennie James - Harry Shaw
Peter Stormare - Scott Langral
Genre - Action/Science Fiction/Thriller
Running Time - 95 Minutes
PLOT In the year 2079, a CIA agent named Snow (Guy Pearce) is arrested after an assignment where his partner, Frank, is murdered. While there's evidence that Snow was the one behind the murder, he denies any foul play. The evidence is overwhelming, leading Snow to be sentenced for thirty years in some sort of cryogenic stasis at M.S. One, which is a prison orbiting in space.
Meanwhile, Emilie Warnock (Maggie Grace), who happens to be the President's daughter, visits the prison to see how well or badly the prisoners are being treated. She interviews a few prisoners, including a psycho named Hydell (Joseph Gilgun), who frees himself by snatching the gun of a Secret Service agent and taking Emilie prisoner. Hydell decides to let all the prisoners free to overthrow the prison, but Hydell's brother Alex (Vincent Regan) decides to take control to Hydell's dismay. Alex wants to negotiate with the President in exchange for Emilie, not knowing that the authorities have released Snow out of his stasis to help with the situation. If he does well, he'll receive a pardon. Accepting the offer reluctantly, Snow boards M.S. One to save Emilie and deal with 427 prisoners who want to keep her for themselves.
REVIEW
What do you get when you take one part ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, one part DIE HARD, and another part FORTRESS? You get 2012's LOCKOUT, a Luc Besson produced action sci-fi film inspired by several films from the 1980s and the 1990s made for a modern generation. LOCKOUT has always been a film that was always on my radar for some reason - probably because indie favorite Guy Pearce was in a mainstream action sci-fi flick. It didn't do well at the box office and seems to be on people's radars anytime one scrolls through Netflix Instant. The only reason I checked it out now was because it finally expired on Netflix, making it probably my last opportunity to check it out. And even though it's a pretty cliche and generic film, it's a FUN and ENTERTAINING cliche and generic film.
The screenplay is pretty standard and predictable, with some people believing it may be influenced from an idea or unfinished script for ESCAPE FROM EARTH - a planned third installment from John Carpenter for the Snake Plissken character. It makes a lot of sense actually. The premise has the criminal hero ordered by authorities to save the President's daughter, a premise from ESCAPE FROM L.A. The hero, Snow, is a Snake Plissken type who only cares about his own bottom line, while having the sarcastic wit of John McClane from the DIE HARD franchise. The setting of this prison resembles the one from FORTRESS. Beyond that, the story takes a predictable road from point A, to point B, and finally to point C. If you've seen many action films, you know where things are gonna go, which characters will turn on the hero, and how things will end. Yet for some reason, it works because knowing the path makes it a fun watch. The characters besides Snow [especially the villainous Hydell, who is a great crazy character] are all interesting and have a lot of great chemistry and banter with each other. The narrative plays out exactly as how one would like it to play out. Sure, LOCKOUT has elements that all has been done before. But it has fun with it, so can't hate on it too much.
The direction by James Mather and Stephen St. Leger is energetic and paced really well. All the action motifs are in play, and both men do a great job. The set design [wish there was more variety, but what can you do?] and the green screen use were done nicely as well. The only major issues I had with the visuals were some of the bad special effects - including a scene where Snow is being chased on a motorcycle that looked AWFUL and clumsy, looking like it belonged on a PlayStation 1 game cutscene. And where was the fighting? The action? The violence? There was no real final confrontation at the end either. If you're going to be influenced by other action films, follow the template to the end. Taking out that final battle is just silly. Stick with the conventions. What isn't broken doesn't need to be fixed.
The acting, at least, was pretty great. Guy Pearce made for a fantastic hero in Snow, with his sarcastic wit carrying him through well. You can tell Pearce was having fun playing against type. He should do it more. Maggie Grace looked great and had explosive chemistry with Pearce. Peter Stormare is always great to have in a film, especially when you need someone to play a bastard. Joseph Gilgun was my favorite as the crazy Hydell, with his Scottish accent making it hard to understand, but fun to try. Vincent Regan worked as Alex, the film's main commanding villain. I thought the actors were enjoying themselves, which made the film fun to enjoy as well.
THE FINAL HOWL LOCKOUT isn't going to be known for its originality. And the special effects and lack of action hurt it a bit. But even though it's really generic and cliche, it's still a fun watch that any action fan should take a chance on. It's cheesy, it's clever, it has Guy Pearce playing a modern day Snake Plissken, and some memorable villains. LOCKOUT won't change the game, but does well enough in playing along. Mindless entertainment.
This section of the blog is due to me being lazy, I mean swamped with watching so many films that I want to discuss on this blog. But I don't really have the time, so I decided to quickly [well as much as I can really] to review films I don't really want to focus too much time on. You'll be seeing these more often than not. Time for the reviews!
DIRECTED BY Trey Stokes
STARRING Barry Bostwick - Captain Ahab
Renee O'Connor - Dr. Michelle Herman
Jay Gillespie - Young Ahab
Michael B. Teh - Queequeg
Adam Grimes - Starbuck
Matt Lagan - Captain John "Boomer" Enderby
PLOT As a young crew member on a submarine, Ahab (Jay Gillespie) is traumatized after a giant whale attacks the submarine [more like bites it in half] and bites his leg off. Years later, Ahab (now played by Barry Bostwick) is a captain of another submarine, still focused on getting revenge on the giant whale that scarred him for life. To do this, Ahab decides to recruit [or kidnap, however one would look at it] a marine biologist named Dr. Michelle Herman (Renee O'Connor), who specializes in whales and has invented a whale song generator that lures whales.
As Ahab plans to use Dr. Herman to gain vengeance on the whale, the whale itself has been on a killing spree. Knowing Ahab's history, the Navy believe that Ahab is behind the attacks, sending Ahab's old friend Captain John "Boomer" Enderby (Matt Lagan) to go after Ahab - who is going all out to kill the whale.
REVIEW
Obviously based on Herman Neville's novel "Moby Dick", this Asylum produced adaptation was much better than I had expected it to be. But let's not go crazy here - 2010: MOBY DICK isn't a good film either. But it could have been a lot worse.
Two things really save it. The first is the acting. Barry Bostwick is way over-the-top as Ahab, but it sort of works for this film. You kind of laugh at/with him as he performs, but the character is very messed up mentally and emotionally due to a giant whale attacking him. So I'm okay with the hammy performance, especially since he seems to be having fun with the role. The other good actor is Renee O'Connor as Dr. Herman. Best known as Gabrielle on Xena: Warrior Princess, O'Connor brings subtlety to her role that balances Bostwick out. I really enjoyed how these two played off each other. The other actors are decent as well, although not of them really stand out. But none of them are terrible, which is a plus.
The other thing is that 2010: MOBY DICK is a pretty failthful adaptation of the novel, just with cheap CGI and modern technology. While the characters aren't deep, and the story isn't exactly thrilling for the most part, at least it follows the template of the actual narrative pretty closely. It even takes some of the dialogue from the novel, which was surprising. For a studio that built itself by making mockbusters of popular films and making really cheesy B-movies, it was nice to see The Asylum give its source material a decent level of respect I wasn't expecting.
By the way, Ahab's line: "He took my leg. I don't intend to give him my ass..." is just amazing. Gold stars for that.
The negatives? For one, the CGI is pretty freakin' terrible. The Asylum used Mega Shark and digitally transformed him into a giant whale that looks faker than hell. It also changes size in each scene it's in, which is pretty funny if you notice it. Also, the explosions look ridiculous and the green screen effect is really obvious. For a film with a decent budget, it doesn't really look it. Did Bostwick and O'Connor cost that much? Maybe they should have showed less of the whale, which would have made the experience better.
The direction isn't all that great honestly. It's not an exciting film, which is surprising since the battle between a man and an animal can create tension and suspense. But it's really repetitive when Ahab fires torpedoes to kill the damn thing every 5 minutes. I got bored quickly. Also, I wish the film was more tongue-in-cheek. It takes itself way too seriously, which makes all the silly moments seem like a waste. There really should have been a bit more intentional humor to make the film more amusing to watch.
THE FINAL HOWL 2010: MOBY DICK isn't the worst Asylum film I've seen, but it's not the best either. The acting is above average, and I like how the filmmakers took the time to respect the source material. But the direction is kind of bland and dull, and the special effects are terrible, even for The Asylum. I didn't feel like I wasted my time, but I didn't feel like I used it to my potential either. Could have been worse, I guess.
SCORE
2 Howls Outta 4
DIRECTED BY Shane Van Dyke
STARRING Shane Van Dyke - Hayden Walsh
Marie Westbrook - Amy Maine
Bruce Davison - James Maine
Brooke Burns - Kim Patterson
Michelle Glavan - Kelly Wade
Dylan Vox - Dwayne Stevens
D.C. Douglas - Captain Will Howard
Genre - Action/Adventure/Drama/B-Movie
Running Time - 90 Minutes
PLOT For the 100th anniversary of the day that the ill-fated Titanic sailed to its doom, millionaire Hayden Walsh (Shane Van Dyke) thinks it's a fantastic idea to recreate the tragic event by building a new Titanic ship and setting it sail. Nothing can go wrong, right? Well, when global warming decides to melt the ice caps to the point where they start breaking off and causing a giant tsunami that's heading towards the direction of the ship, history may repeat itself. I guess Celine Dion could use a new hit...
REVIEW
I have three words for TITANIC II: WHAT THE FUCK!?
I really don't know who thought this film was a good idea. I'm not the biggest fan of James Cameron's mega successful love story about the Titanic, but I respect its artistic achievement and I love the last half hour of that film [the rest is hit-and-miss for me]. TITANIC II isn't a sequel to that film [the fact that this B-movie version exists is insult enough], but it could have been a fun time if it wasn't so damn boring with unlikeable characters. This ship deserves to sink to the bottom of the ocean.
I don't know where to start with this film. The story is just terrible. I think if there was a sense of pageantry or something on an epic scale, silly or not, TITANIC II would have made me feel something. Or at least a history lesson of the first Titanic, which this film never does. Yes, a lot of people know the story, or have seen the film. But if you're going to talk about the first voyage, TELL ME ABOUT THE FIRST VOYAGE! Instead, we just have stupid, annoying characters getting on this ship as if nothing bad is going to happen. We also have crew members who mention that the readings are the same as during the first voyage. Wouldn't that be fucking creepy to anyone else besides me? I don't get it!
The love story is here, but it's pretty lame and predictable. Characters who act like pricks at the beginning of the film quickly change their tune once the ship is in trouble, creating an unrealistic mood swing. Even the people on the ship, once they know they're in trouble, don't really react realistically. Sure, some of them scream and panic. Some of them even fight. But they're pretty calm for the most part. If these characters don't really care, why should we as an audience?
The special effects are pretty terrible as well. The ship changes from a replica of the Titanic to a replica of the Queen Mary every other scene [the film was actually shot inside the Queen Mary]. Both ships look bad, fit for a CGI cutscene on the PlayStation 1. There's also a hilarious death scene where an iceberg splits in half, and a dude standing over the crack falls right through. And it looks like the guy just falls out of frame instead of anything remotely natural. And the tsunami looks like a cartoon tsunami [which is 800 mph, faster than the speed of sound - although it takes a while before the ship is affected by it], but it was probably the best special effect of the movie. By the way, why would anyone surf near icebergs? Ugh.
The direction by actor Shane Van Dyke isn't great really. Van Dyke decided to film his own version of THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE, but with less tension, suspense, or interesting action set pieces. When a guy can't direct the extras to fall towards the same direction the ship is leaning, I can't really take your work seriously. It was pretty funny though. The editing was kinda weird at times, and the film was nothing visually special. I also wish, like I did with 2010: MOBY DICK, that TITANIC II was more tongue-in-cheek. Do a parody of the James Cameron film or something. That film was three hours long, but it didn't bore me. A 90 minute film shouldn't bore me, which TITANIC II unfortunately does.
The acting was eh as well. Bruce Davison is probably the best actor. He's done a lot of stuff, most famously X-MEN, and he tries to make the script work to his advantage. But the screenplay is dreadful, which brings him down along with it. Brooke Burns looks hot and that's about it. Shane Van Dyke is alright as the millionaire who creates this second Titanic, although I felt his character felt forced. The rest of the actors do the best they can, taking this film seriously. I wish they had more fun with the story because TITANIC II could have used it. THE FINAL HOWL TITANIC II sinks before it can float. Sure, it's watchable as a background noise sort of thing. But it's so flawed, you wonder how anyone thought the film was fine to release as is. Boring action sequences, characters you'll feel indifferent to, bland direction, and okay acting - TITANIC II won't make Celine Dion sing anytime soon. I probably would have enjoyed this more if I was under the influence of something. But I shouldn't have to be high or drunk to enjoy trash. TITANIC II takes itself way too seriously, which makes you wonder why it was even made to begin with.
SCORE
0.5 Howls Outta 4
DIRECTED BY
Jake West
STARRING Danny Dyer - Neil
Noel Clarke - Mikey
Emil Marwa - Graham
Lee Ingleby - Matt
Stephen Graham - Vince
Keith-Lee Castle - Patrick
Christina Cole - Candy
Terry Stone - Sergeant Gavin Wright
Neil Maskell - Banksy
Genre - Horror/Comedy/Zombies/Virus
Running Time - 89 Minutes
PLOT Vince (Stephen Graham) is going through a divorce and has been down on himself. His buddies Neil (Danny Dyer), Mikey (Noel Clarke), Graham (Emil Marwa), Matt (Lee Ingleby), and Patrick (Keith-Lee Castle) decide to cheer Vince up by taking him on a weekend retreat full of booze and sex. When they make it to their destination, a small village named Moodley, they start to realize that all the men in the village have been eaten by the women - who have been infected by a virus that has turned them into flesh-eating zombies.
REVIEW
Inspired by EVIL DEAD II, DEAD ALIVE, and SHAUN OF THE DEAD, DOGHOUSE is a British horror-comedy that seems to have a theme of misogyny against women, which is greatly turned around on the men. The sexism is done in a funny way rather than offensively, making DOGHOUSE a pretty fun watch. However, it doesn't come close to being as good as the three films I mentioned above.
The narrative is pretty much your standard zombie-comedy, but with lead characters who revel in debauchery and saying pretty sexist things about women. The men, having issues with the female sex and not having any sort of understanding of them, tend to fear them and use that to justify their thoughts and actions towards women. Vince, who is going through a divorce, doesn't understand why his marriage failed when he did everything right and treated his wife like a queen. It's the opposite of the other characters, who treat women like objects, and seem quite content in doing so. But they do it in humorous ways that you can't really hate the men too much. They're just misguided, which makes their exchange with the zombie women somewhat amusing. They continue to treat these zombies like objects, but these objects fight back and torture the men almost as if karma is returning the favor. Plus, all the women are different archetypes. One's a teacher. Another is dressed like a dominatrix. There's also a nurse and a fat housewife who loves fingers. It'll probably insult some female audience members, but I found the whole thing to be tongue-in-cheek.
My main issue with DOGHOUSE is that I get the feeling the film believes it's actually funnier than it really is. Sure, you'll laugh at certain scenes or at certain pieces of dialogue. But more often than not, the joke will miss its target. Or the joke will be so cliche and corny, that it sort of brings the "feel good" feeling down a notch. Maybe it's the British comedy and some of it doesn't translate across the ocean. But it's goofy enough for things to stay afloat, even if you'll laugh more at some other horror-comedies that follow a similiar template.
Also, there's no real character development for any of the characters. And with them being "sexist pigs", it's kind of hard to be sympathetic for them when they get attached. The dialogue is mostly fine, but the characters aren't deep enough to the point of caring about their fates too much.
The special effects and make up of the female infected zombies are really well done. The women do look dead, and the gore effects are very credible. Even some of the death scenes are pretty gory, which raised the entertainment and watchability value for me.
The direction by Jake West is good. The tone and mood stay consistent throughout, and the pacing is very well done. The picture quality looks great, and visually the film is quite fun to look at. I wish the film was a bit more tense and scarier. And I thought the ending was very lame. But other than that, West directs a tight ship.
The acting is probably the best part of DOGHOUSE. Danny Dyer, likely known for SEVERANCE, plays the same womanizing role. But Dyer does it so well, it didn't bother me. Stephen Graham was very good as Vince [whose character had the only real arc in the film], and Lee Ingleby was amusing as the nerdy Matt. The actresses, which included Emily Booth as a scissor wielding hairdresser, were great in their respective roles. It helped that each were given a different personality and look, which made the acting more interesting and fun to watch.
THE FINAL HOWL DOGHOUSE tries too hard to be a horror-comedy in the vein of EVIL DEAD II and SHAUN OF THE DEAD, falling on its face at times due to lame jokes and characters who may offend the female audience at times. But the looks, personalities, and special effects when it came to the zombie women are really well done. The acting works with the tone of the film. And Jake West's direction is more positive than negative. DOGHOUSE is a decent time waster and a fun time for the boys, especially if you have some friends, beer, and popcorn nearby. It doesn't reach its full potential, but there's enough of it for at least a one-time recommendation.
SCORE
3 Howls Outta 4
DIRECTED BY Mike Mendez
STARRING Greg Grunberg - Alex Mathis
Ray Wise - Major Braxton Tanner
Clare Kramer - Lieutenant Karly Brant
Lombardo Boyar - Jose Ramos
Patrick Bauchau - Lucas
PLOT Alex (Greg Grunberg) is a bug exterminator who is bitten by a spider during an assignment. He's taken to the local hospital for treatment, unsuccessfully flirting with nurses, adding to his bad day. As he's being treated, he notices a dead body being taken in a body bag. Unfortunately, Alex doesn't know that this corpse is hiding a very hungry and violent spider - a spider that will exponentially grow due to scientists having messed with it in a lab.
As people start being attacked and getting killed, the military led by Major Braxton Tanner (Ray Wise) march into the hospital and lock it down in order to find this vicious spider. With Alex's help, Major Tanner decide to find the spider and stop it from turning Los Angeles into a giant web of food.
REVIEW
I have a certain fondness to films that are shown on the SyFy Channel, especially when they're titled BIG ASS SPIDER!. I was really expected a corny, cheesy, cheaply made B-movie with a fake looking spider and bad acting. Imagine my surprise as BIG ASS SPIDER! was a really fun time with good acting, humor that works, and better than expected special effects. Why was this film shown on SyFy again?
BIG ASS SPIDER! is greatly helped by a witty and fun script that knows what it is and is not ashamed of it. The story takes itself seriously, but in a tongue-in-cheek way, which creates a level of genuine and intended enjoyment most films like this attempt but fail at. It's pretty standard stuff with an unlikely hero caught in a situation created by the military, who may have created something they have no idea how to fight without hurting other people. But the characters are written well, with even the military characters becoming likeable by the film's end. The narrative is greatly helped by the formed friendship between hero Alex and unlikely hero/security guard Jose, who have great banter and witty dialogue that just makes them enjoyable to watch from the moment they interact. Plus, you have a giant spider terrorizing public parks, hospitals, and even giant buildings in Los Angeles, creating amusing set pieces and charming interactions between the main characters and this villain. I was really surprised how well written this B-movie was. Usually these kind of films only care about the cheesy special effects, or hiring some former A-lister to get an audience. But someone actually cared about the script, which made me enjoy this film more than I thought I would.
The special effects are pretty damn good as well. Sure, sometimes the spider looks like cheaply done and a bit too computer animated. And a scene where a face is melted by acid looks pretty silly. But most of the time, the spider looks pretty great. Considering the film's low budget, I was expecting the film to look a lot worse.
The direction by Mike Mendez is really well done. Probably best known for his work on THE GRAVEDANCERS, Mendez really captures the fun, campy vibe of BIG ASS SPIDER!. The 80-minute run time goes by extremely fast, due to the charming script and fun action sequences. Mendez also doesn't settle for your general cheap SyFy look, using his limited budget to his advantage to create a visually pleasing film - almost looking like DRAGON WARS from a few years ago. I really dug the film's look.
The acting is really great. Greg Grunberg, best known for Felicity and Heroes, is perfectly cast as the unlikely hero, Alex. His chemistry with sidekick Lombardo Boyar makes the film, as the two seem to be improvising their dialogue and just having fun with the story. Ray Wise is cool as the deadpanning military superior, making his role feel much campier than it actually is. Clare Kramer looks great and has great chemistry with Grunberg. And we get some great cameos by both Lin Shaye and Troma's Lloyd Kaufman.
THE FINAL HOWL BIG ASS SPIDER! won't be as remembered or cherished like KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS, ARACHNOPHOBIA, or even EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS. But this B-movie was highly entertaining and definitely worth any B-movie lover's 80 minutes. The cast is great, the direction is energetic, the special effects are better than expected, and the script is well written and charming. If you want a good laugh and enjoy giant bugs killing and destroying cities, BIG ASS SPIDER! is definitely your movie.
This new section of the blog is due to me being lazy, I mean swamped with watching so many films that I want to discuss on this blog. But I don't really have the time, so I decided to quickly [well as much as I can really] to review films I don't really want to focus too much time on. You'll be seeing these more often than not. Time for the reviews!
DIRECTED BY Daniel Attias
STARRING Corey Haim - Marty Coslaw
Megan Follows - Jane Coslaw
Gary Busey - Uncle Red
Everett McGill - Reverend Lowe
Terry O'Quinn - Sheriff Joe Haller
Bill Smitrovich - Andy Fairton
Genre - Horror/Drama/Werewolves
Running Time - 94 Minutes
In 1976, the town of Tarker's Mills is horrified by a series of recent, and really violent murders. Sheriff Joe Haller (Terry O'Quinn) tries to figure out who's behind this, but only makes the townspeople frustrated when no answers are found.
Meanwhile, wheelchair-bound Marty Coslaw (Corey Haim) is enjoying life, especially since his Uncle Red (Gary Busey) has given him a wheelchair that's built with a motor. One night, Marty sneaks out the house to set off some fireworks, only to be attacked by a feral creature. Marty defends himself by firing one of the rockets into the werewolf's eye. After telling his sister Jane (Megan Follows) about the werewolf attack and how it relates to the murders in town, she and Marty begin to do their own investigation - looking for a local with only one eye.
REVIEW
The 1980s were pretty damn kind to lycanthropes in cinema. And while SILVER BULLET, based on Stephen King's novella "Cycle of the Werewolf", isn't as memorable or as good as AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON or THE HOWLING, it's still a decent time.
The story is the film's strongest aspect. The Coslaw Family dynamic grips you. Jane, the older sister, is bitter and frustrated by how the family babies Marty due to his crippled state. Although she feels bad for taking out her anger on him for something he has no control over, the sibling tension is there until the two work together to find the werewolf. The parents worry about Uncle Red's influence on Marty, who is really close to Red. It doesn't help that Red is extremely eccentric, not known for his committment when it comes to relationships, and the fact that he's a bit of an alcoholic. There's some interesting family relationships going on here.
The mystery is also strong, as the murders pile up, making much of the town lose hope in finding the culprit. Once Marty and Jane figure out who it is, things get really tense and suspenseful. One scene in particular, with Marty being chased by the murderer/werewolf on the road and on a bridge, is pretty chilling. The final act is also pretty great too, with the werewolf wanting revenge on Marty and his family at their home. While the werewolf is easy to figure out if you've seen a bunch of these flicks, the journey getting to the revelation and its aftermath is definitely worth it.
The acting is pretty good as well. Corey Haim is great as the young, rebellious Marty, creating a watchable young hero. Gary Busey is just plain fun as the wild Uncle Red, having a blast in the role due to some great dialogue. Everett McGill is pretty intense as Reverend Lowe. And we get some nice short roles from Terry O'Quinn and Bill Smitrovich.
However, the special effects aren't that great. Compared to those in AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON and THE HOWLING, both released in 1981, it's sort of disappointing to see how lame these effects are four years later. The werewolf costume in particular is pretty goofy looking, appearing as just a guy in a really cheap wolf outfit. I'm surprised that Caro Rambaldi, who also did E.T., was behind this aspect. Maybe it was a limited budget or lack of inspiration, but the disappointing wolf effects make SILVER BULLET less scary and more funny.
The direction by Daniel Attias is decent, but not visually memorable in any sort of way. The pacing is great though, and Attias does give the film some nice tension during the chase scene and during the final act of the film. The visuals are nothing special, but still an okay job.
SILVER BULLET, overall, is an entertaining Stephen King adaptation that was hindered by cheap effects and passable visuals. But the story has good characters you'll care about, a mystery that works for the most part, and some great acting by Haim and Busey. Not the greatest werewolf film ever, but definitely one of the better ones and worthy of a look every now and then. SILVER BULLET isn't perfect, but it has heart. That has to count for something.
SCORE - 3 Howls Outta 4
DIRECTED BY Nick Lyon
STARRING Ethan Suplee - Marshall
Mariel Hemingway - Lynn Snyder
LeVar Burton - Dr. Dan Halpern
Danny Trejo - Captain Caspian
French Stewart - Dr. Arnold
Chad Lindberg - Kyle
Genre - Horror/Science Fiction/Action/Zombies
Running Time - 89 Minutes
During a zombie apocalypse, a band of survivors are staying on Alcatraz Island in order to defend themselves against a rising army of zombies. However, their shelter is compromised when a group of zombies infiltrate their haven, taking out some of their own. The remaining survivors learn of a scientist (French Stewart), who claims he has discovered a cure for this epidemic. Realizing he's their only hope, they leave Alcatraz to locate him to stop the apocalypse.
REVIEW RISE OF THE ZOMBIES is an Asylum produced B-movie zombie flick that was a lot better than I was expecting it to be. I'm not saying that it's a great film, or even a good one. But it's a decent enough film that manages to be somewhat watchable, while at the same time being totally forgettable once the film is over.
The biggest appeal to the film, at least for me, was the cast. Danny Trejo being a badass zombie killer. LeVar Burton being a sympathetic scientist who desperately wanted to cure his daughter of the infection. Ethan Suplee is the likeable guy who does good by keeping his fellow survivors safe. Muriel Hemingway is the leader of the group. And French Stewart is a scientist who may, or may not, have a cure. Is the acting great? Oh no, it's not. But just for the fact that these group of actors are in a zombie film together made it somewhat enjoyable for me. And none of these actors are terrible in anyway, as they take their respective roles seriously. Honestly, this cast should have been grouped together in a much better flick. But I'll take what I can get.
I also dig the use of Alcatraz as this refuge during the zombie apocalypse. It's a big enough place to hide and survive against the infection. Plus, it's right next to San Francisco, allowing the director to showcase zombies on the Golden Gate Bridge, hopefully eating the Olsen Twins with some Rice-A-Roni. The story is fairly generic once the survivors leave Alcatraz though, which makes RISE OF THE ZOMBIES more into a "search party" type of film. It really loses its way once that happens. It's just so cliche, you'll see things coming and wish someone new would recreate the zombie genre for a new generation in some way, shape, or form. I can tell when a screenwriter phones it in, which is pretty much the case with this movie.
The CGI is pretty lousy, with CGI blood, fire, and explosions that were obviously done in Adobe After Effects. The audio is shoddy, with levels constantly varying depending on the scene. And the direction isn't all that great, with the standard uses of slow motion, quick cutting, and even speeding up the film to make the visuals less monotomous.
All in all, you'll probably check out RISE OF THE ZOMBIES if you ever wanted to see Danny Trejo face the undead for whatever reason. Otherwise, it's not a film anyone has to go out of their way to see. But for a SyFy/Asylum project, I was expecting worse. But with a capable cast [who unfortunately needed a better script] and an interesting premise within the film's first half, it exceeded my low expectations. But it's not worth rising out of the grave over either. Pretty below average zombie film as a whole.
SCORE - 1.5 Howls Outta 4
DIRECTED BY Mikael Hafstrom
STARRING Sylvester Stallone - Ray Breslin
Arnold Schwarzenegger - Rottmayer
Jim Caviezel - Hobbes
Faran Tahir - Javed
Amy Ryan - Abigail
Sam Neill - Dr. Kyrie
Vincent D'Onofrio - Lester Clark
Vinnie Jones - Drake
Curtis '50 Cent' Jackson - Hush
Genre - Action/Thriller
Running Time - 115 Minutes
Ex-con Ray Breslin (Sylvester Stallone) is an expert in breaking out of high-security prisons. By knowing the layout, observing the routine, and getting internal and external support to the getaway, he's helped make prisons more secure by fixing the flaws. Breslin receives another job, in which he is offered $5 million to break out of a modern technological facility that may be inescapable. Breslin accepts this challenge, but soon learns that he's been double-crossed by his bosses. The prison warden, Hobbes (Jim Caviezel), has a thing for messing with Breslin, making his newest jail time unpleasant as possible. However, Hobbes wasn't counting on another inmate, Rottmayer (Arnold Schwarzenegger), finding a kindred spirit in Breslin and wanting to help him break out. Will they succeed, or are Breslin and Rottmayer stuck in this facility forever?
REVIEW ESCAPE PLAN was a film on my radar last year, but I missed it for whatever reason. Apparently, so did a lot of people since it didn't do too well at the box office. While it has done well in the home video and digital market, it's pretty surprising that a film that teams both Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger wasn't more successful. Then again, modern audiences [meaning teens] probably see these two big action stars as fossils, more focused on sparkly vampires and films starring teen idols no one will remember in five years. It's a shame, since ESCAPE PLAN is a pretty good flick.
ESCAPE PLAN is more of a prison break thriller than an actual action film, although the final act of the film definitely plays to that genre. Honestly, I'm okay with that decision because these kind of thrillers aren't done all that much, so it's refreshing to see it get some much needed attention again. Because of this move, it's more of a character focused film, using the main characters to build plot, mystery, and suspense for almost two hours. The characters aren't exactly deep though - more stereotypical than anything - but you know enough about them to care about their situation. The twists and turns the film makes are fairly predictable, I will admit. But at least they work within the context of the story and make sense once things are resolved.
My only real gripe with the narrative is the middle portion of the film. ESCAPE PLAN is probably 15 to 20 minutes longer than it should be, due to a lot of dialogue heavy scenes in the second act. I'm not saying that the dialogue is bad or anything. But I think what needed to be told during this portion could have been done in a much shorter time.
While ESCAPE PLAN isn't a total action movie, the film does come alive once characters start to fight and use weapons against each other. Watching Stallone and Schwarzenegger have a fist fight inside of a prison is pretty damn cool. Watching Jim Caviezel and Vinnie Jones try to stop Swarzenegger and Stallone with fists and weapons is pretty sweet as well. The film's final act is just an 80s action lover's dream, as it's visually entertaining with gunfire and explosions. Can't forget the chopper either, right Schwarzenegger?
DERAILED and 1408 director, Mikael Hafstrom, is an interesting choice for ESCAPE PLAN. While the man knows how to build tension and suspense within the claustrophobic prison setting, his handling of action isn't as strong. Sometimes the lighting is too dark. Or the frame is too close. Even the editing at times is a bit too quick. But Hafstrom is a more than capable director who handles most of the film pretty confidently.
The acting won't win awards. But both Stallone and Schwarzenegger take their roles seriously, bringing their A-game to the material. Their banter and interactions with each other are what make the film as good as it is. It makes you wish they had done films together much sooner prior to THE EXPENDABLES. Jim Caviezel is pretty great as the swarmy villainous warden, chewing the scenery and making his silly dialogue work. 50 Cent, who is usually distracting in some of the films I've seen him in, is pretty good here as the tech wizard. Amy Ryan, Vincent D'Onofrio, Faran Fahir, and Vinnie Jones are good in their smaller roles. And Sam Neill is in this as well! Always loved that dude. Cool cast.
ESCAPE PLAN is just a good time. Yeah, it's a bit long winded at times and the visuals don't always pop as much as they could [especially during the action stuff]. But the prison break script is pretty damn good, helped by Stallone's and Schwarzenegger's strong performances. You can tell the two were having fun making this film, which makes ESCAPE PLAN entertaining for us as well.
Score - 3 Howls Outta 4
DIRECTED BY Nicholas Carpenter
Harry Grigsby
STARRING Holly Madison - Stephanie
Bridget Marquardt - Eva DeMarco
Sara Jean Underwood - Tracey
Christina Rosenberg - Amber
Najarra Townsend - Brianna
Nicole Zeoli - Roxy
Genre - Horror/Anthology
Running Time - 84 Minutes
Three sorority pledges want to join a cruel sorority full of stuck up girls. In order to get voted in, the pledge must each tell the sorority sisters a scary story. So, three different stories are told - one involving a killer doll, one about a has-been actress looking to keep her career going by doing a horror film about the undead, and one about a dude stalking hot girls. Unfortunately for this sorority, one of the pledges may have a different story than the one she's telling - involving the death of the members of this particular sorority.
REVIEW
I have three words for THE TELLING:
WHAT THE FUCK!?
Seriously, THE TELLING is just terrible in every way possible. You'd figure that a horror film produced by Playboy Magazine and starring two of Hugh Hefner's former girlfriends, Holly Madison and Bridget Marquardt, would be somewhat titilating for 90 minutes. Sure, the story would probably suck. The acting would probably be even worse. But hell, at least I'll get some tits and ass to make up for my suffering! But does anyone get nude here?
NOT REALLY!
Instead, THE TELLING wants the audience to truly believe that these women were hired beyond their looks for their acting skills.
HA HA HA HA HA! EPIC FAIL.
This has to be one of the worst anthology films ever. None of the scary stories are frightening. They're just really poor versions of much better films involving dolls, slashers, and zombies. And this sorority - who in the hell would want to join this so-called "sisterhood"? The girls are slutty and bitchy. They look down on normal looking girls - aka girls who have enough decency not to get breast implants at the age of 18 and want to get that higher learning that college is supposed to be about. And where are the pillow fights? The hot lesbian action? The paddles? The pajama parties? What kind of sorority is this??
And the three stories are just ridiculous. The doll one reminds me of that Krusty the Doll episode from one of those Simpsons' Treehouse of Horror episodes from years ago, but less entertaining and clever. It's really lame, but at least it has blood and dry humping! The zombie story is supposed to be a homage to classic horror, being in black & white and having the villain sound like Bela Lugosi with a sore throat. The twist is so stupid and the scenes in the film look like a really bad softcore porn. And the third one is about a prank call gone wrong, with the prankers hearing someone get killed on the line. For a slasher film, it's really lame and not even worth the trouble.
The direction isn't all that great either. Sure, the picture quality looks okay. And I like that the second story was in black and white to fit the story's tone. But the editing wasn't great. The audio levels during some of the scenes was just jarring. In fact, the music used never went with the scenes they were used in!
I'm not even going to mention the acting. It's a Playboy film. The girls are terrible. But at least they look good.
THE TELLING is one of the worst films I've seen in a while. There's really no point to it even existing. None of the stories are worth anyone's time. And how do you do a Playboy produced film without the one thing you can do well - getting girls naked?? There's nothing to tell about this piece of crap.
