The B-Movie Bungalow Presents - Sharknado 4: The Fourth Awakens (2016)

Directed By: Anthony C. Ferrante

Starring: Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, David Hasselhoff, Tommy Davidson, Gary Busey, Cody Linley, Stacey Dash

Genre - Science Fiction/B-Movie/Action/Adventure/Bad Animals/Sharks

Running Time - 90 Minutes

Plot (from IMDB): Five years after the East Coast was ravaged in 'Sharknado 3,' Fin (Ian Ziering) and his family have been blissfully sharknado-free, but now sharks - and 'nados. - are being whipped up in places (and ways) that are completely unexpected.

Review: Another year, another SHARKNADO movie on SyFy. Who would have believed that a really stupid B-movie from 2013 would become one of the biggest film franchises of the modern era? I think I’ve been one of the biggest supporters of this franchise, reviewing each installment year after year, hoping to get it out there that these films can be fun if you just sit back and enjoy them. I re-watched the previous three films prior to seeing SHARKNADO 4: THE FOURTH AWAKENS, realizing that the first film wasn’t really as good as I remembered it, but loving the second film for knowing exactly what it was, and the third film - which does the same, but tries a bit too hard at times. Even with its clever title and known cameos, I wasn’t expecting much out of this sequel. By this point, I figured the well was very dry and the series had peaked with the second one. But color me surprised - as I found this fourth installment to be the most fun and quicker paced film of the entire franchise.

The story is what you’d come to expect with a SHARKNADO film. The characters are still the same, even though some of them have gained extra perks and arcs that could lead to interesting future developments. I liked the film had taken place five years in the future, with the shark problem finally solved - at least when it concerned water sharks. The idea of having a variety of sharknadoes that involved sand, oil, electricity, radioactive chemicals, and so on kept the narrative going for me. It’s a dumb plot and doesn’t make a lick of sense, but I’m glad the filmmakers tried to give us an evolution of what had been established and tired by the third film. The sharks became more of a threat and I kept being amused by the different types of storms that threatened our heroes. I also enjoyed that the film was centered mainly on the Shepard family, bonding them stronger as a unit against these sharks. It sucks April survived [damn you, viewers], but she did have some chuckle-worthy moments in her new character. Plus, seeing a five-year-old with a chainsaw is not something you see everyday. The ending pretty much tells us where the series is going in the fifth film, which I’m kinda hoping is the last one. I mean, what else can you do by this point?

I think the best part of the script for me were the throwback to famous pop culture moments or dialogue that fit well with the situation. We get the obvious STAR WARS homages, including the classic opening in SHARKNADO form and a character begging to “Stay on target!”. We get a few TERMINATOR references for April. Lloyd Kaufman makes an appearance to “Nuke ‘em high”. There’s an Action Comics #1 cover homage. The awesome Baywatch reunion with David Hasselhoff, Alexandra Paul, and Gena Lee Nolin is great. Christine, the car, makes an appearance with Steve Guttenberg’s LAVALANTULA character. Gary Busey is wearing the same glasses he wore in THE BUDDY HOLLY STORY. And the best stuff was with Caroline Williams, speaking in her heavy Stretch accent from THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2, claiming that “the Saw is Family” and that “it wouldn’t be Texas without a chainsaw massacre”. Clever stuff that worked better than it had any right to.

The direction by Anthony C. Ferrante, who has directed every single one of these films, is what you’d expect from this series - except I felt the pacing and flow was a long quicker for the better. I’m sure this was done to compensate for a weird script, but SHARKNADO 4 had the most visual energy and style of the four films. There was never a lull in the film like in the previous three. We’d get certain character stuff really quickly before an action sequence pops up. I also felt some scenes looked really cool. In particular, the pirate ship scene at the start looked inspired by Dario Argento with its red, blue, and green vibrant colors. The final act resembled a Saint’s Row video game, as it was visually chaotic - but again, I liked that. The CGI is still as cartoony as before, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I felt Ferrante was very inspired with this installment, sort of directing with the same energy he had while filming the second film in New York City.

The acting isn’t the greatest per usual, even though I felt the quality was a bit above the other films. Ian Ziering is still the same straight man as Finn, playing a wannabe superhero that gets to do cool stuff. Tara Reid is back and she didn’t annoy me as much as she had in the previous films. I think it’s because I could tell she was having more fun with her new role and being more comfortable. She seemed more engaged this time around. David Hasselhoff is still one of the coolest dudes in the room. Cody Linley seems to be having fun starring in a SHARKNADO movie. Tommy Davidson seemed to forget he was in a SHARKNADO movie, actually acting well in his role and really standing out amongst the other actors. Gary Busey halts the crazy, playing his role a bit more subtle than expected. Stacey Dash uses her current pop culture persona to her advantage as the mayor, leading to an awesome WIZARD OF OZ moment [there are a lot of those here]. The cameos here are pretty cool as well. We get Seth Rollins, Gilbert Gottfried, Carrot Top, Adrian Zmed, Lloyd Kaufman, Caroline Williams, Dr. Drew, Corey Taylor, the Chippendales dancers, the Millionaire Matchmaker, Steve Guttenberg, and Gena Lee Nolin and Alexandra Paul from Baywatch. Plus Christine, the car, makes an appearance! I thought the cameos really worked here.

SHARKNADO 4 continues the level of CGI violence we’ve come to expect. The sharks seem weaker this time though, exploding pretty easily from just simple punches, kicks, and pelvic thrusts. We get the regular decapitations, sharks sliced in half with chainsaws, sharks squashing people, etc. We also get other animals doing some damage as well, such as cows and whales. The final act alone is chaotically violent in a cartoon way.

The sexuality in SHARKNADO 4 is standard. Chippendale dancers, Tara Reid shows her enhanced cleavage, and the Baywatch babes. There’s something for everyone.

The cheesiness is off the charts here. Nukenado? Oilnado? Firenado? Sandsharknado? Tara Reid as a cyborg with a battery pack? People with superpowers? Sharks with spikes? A lot of funny one-liners from famous films? We even get a space segment that starts with the classic STAR WARS opening. Yep, cheesy as hell.

The Final Howl: Look, if you’re not on the SHARKNADO bandwagon by now, you will never be. If you love SHARKNADO, you’ll really enjoy SHARKNADO 4: THE FOURTH AWAKENS. If you don’t like SHARKNADO, don’t bother and don’t try and ruin it for the rest of us. Bad acting, bad special effects, a silly narrative, and just a great sense of fun, amusement, and campiness. I personally feel that SHARKNADO 4 is the best of the series, as it went by super fast and genuinely made me laugh and mark out over certain pop culture references. Sometimes I want to watch serious movies. Other times, I just want to escape in the bizarre world of SHARKNADO. This was a lot of fun. Bring on the fifth one!

SCORE

3.5 Howls Outta 4

The B-Movie Bungalow Presents - Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (2015)

DIRECTED BY
Anthony C. Ferrante

STARRING
Ian Ziering - Finley Allen "Fin" Shepard
Tara Reid - April Dawn Wexler Shepard
Cassie Scerbo - Nova Clarke
David Hasselhoff - Gilbert Grayson "Gil" Shepard
Bo Derek - May Wexler
Frankie Muniz - Lucas Stevens
Ryan Newman - Claudia Shepard
Jack Griffo - Billy

Genre - Science Fiction/B-Movie/Bad Animals/Sharks

Running Time - 95 Minutes


PLOT
After the events of SHARKNADO 2 in New York City, Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering) is considered a national hero in the eyes of the public. He travels to Washington D.C. to receive an honor called the "Order of the Golden Chainsaw" from the President of the United States (Mark Cuban). During the celebration, another shark storm arrives, almost taking out the entire government before stopping itself within the clouds. Reuniting with his ex-girlfriend Nova (Cassie Scerbo) - who is still traumatized by the events of being swallowed by a shark in the first SHARKNADO - they realize that the sharks adapted to living in the sky by eating birds, creating storms to feed their hunger. They soon learn that the sharks are attacking the entire East Coast, especially Florida where his pregnant wife April (Tara Reid), her mom (Bo Derek) and his daughter (Ryan Newman) are vacationing. With the help of his estranged dad (David Hasselhoff), Fin must go beyond the skies to stop this Sharknado from turning into a Sharkacane that will wipe out most of the population.


REVIEW

Another year, another SHARKNADO film. While SHARKNADO 3: OH HELL NO! didn't beat the ratings set by SHARKNADO 2 last year [it still beat the ratings of the first film however], it's always nice to see this stupid franchise give us a new adventure even if the premise is wearing itself thin at this point. But luckily, I still felt SHARKNADO 3 worked better than it should have, even though the idea of a SHARKNADO 4 makes you wonder what else they can do in this franchise.

STORY
Screenplay - To get into detail about the story would be repeating myself for the third time in three years. If you've seen both SHARKNADO films, you know what to expect when it comes to the story, the dialogue, and the three-act structure. It's still stupid. It still doesn't make sense besides the idea of "Because Science". And the dialogue still winks at the audience and lets you know that the franchise understands what it is, and has no shame in living in its own truth. While many are negative on these films, I do respect SHARKNADO for embracing what it is, even if the attempt to become a cult franchise is highly intentional.

Unlike the last film, however, I thought the screenplay did drag in parts - especially during the middle portion of the film. There's a lot of exposition here, with characters talking about the situation in a pretty bland manner. There's a lot of new characters that aren't all that interesting really who end up kind of important by the film's end. The only time the middle act works is when the shark start attacking celebrity cameos. And the Frankie Muniz death scene was probably the best part of this portion, only because the Malcolm in the Middle actor ended up just a middle without limbs. The second act needed more clever moments like that to maintain the flow.

At least the opening and closing acts are well written and memorable. The first act involves Fin at the White House, saving the government from a Sharknado hitting Washington D.C. Giving him a Golden Chainsaw was cute, as well as having Ann Coulter be the Madame Vice President [too bad she didn't bite it] and Mark Cuban as the President. And Lou Ferringno, playing a bodyguard who tells people that they wouldn't like him when he's angry is some funny stuff. There's a lot of Americana in the first act, but it doesn't really take it all that seriously, which I liked. Some films hit you over the head with patriotism, but SHARKNADO 3 is being silly with it - as if the filmmakers are saying Americans are stupid enough to enjoy B-movie schlock like this with a wink and smile.

The last act is even more crazy, with the gang going into space to fight off these sharks. I don't know where you can go after that, but it was a ton of fun to watch. And seeing a just-born baby rip himself out of a shark that has crashed on Earth is just amusing. And why was Anthony Weiner running NASA? I guess a space shuttle is a metaphor for his penis. Who said sexting could ruin your career?

I also loved the return of Nova to the franchise. We hadn't seen her since the first film, and I thought her traumatic behavior towards the storms was believable and a good character arc. She had some nice tension with Fin and April, considering she has feelings for Fin. Plus she's totally hot and bad ass, so I have no qualms with her return. And I did enjoy Frankie Muniz's character, especially when he says, "Could be worse. Could be zombies." - almost making fun of SyFy's Z-Nation show and the fact SyFy makes a bunch of crappy zombie films as well. So I appreciated the network making fun of itself as well.

Plus the Today Show segments return in all their seriousness, which adds the surrealistic tone. I'll never forget the term "The Feast Coast." And the structure that the first SHARKNADO started still manages to work in the third one, even though you can see how tired and uninspired it's starting to become. It's not a great script, but it manages to build on the story and continue to show how illogical this whole premise is. If you're expecting intelligence in SHARKNADO 3, you're watching the wrong film.

Direction - Anthony C. Ferrante returns for the third time behind the lens. I thought his direction was on par with the first film, but not really with the second. I felt the second film had more energy and momentum, with things constantly happening to create a more fun atmosphere. I felt Ferrante attempted to have moments that were trying to build character development or relationships between characters more often than not, which ruined the flow for me. Yes, we should care about characters. But these quieter moments should be more interesting and not feel pointless by film's end. The film worked a lot better when the sharks were creating chaos.

I also felt that Ferrante had too many locations to focus on at once. We have characters in D.C. We have characters in Florida. We have the Today Show. We have NASA. We have the space stuff. SHARKNADO 2's strength was keeping the story in New York City, allowing the city to be its own character to enhance the situations the story provided. SHARKNADO 3 felt too scatterbrain for me. Besides the water park stuff, the Florida scenes were just "meh". I felt the space stuff could have been its own film, even though Ferrante shoots it well. I just thought there was a lot going on, which made the film feel a bit disjointed.

Other than that, the editing was good. The CGI remained consistent with the last film. The picture quality was probably an improvement. And the little touches, like the James Bond opening and the animated opening credits, really showed some inspiration in terms of visual presentation. And when the action is on-screen, the film really works and puts a smile on your face. So for the most part, Ferrante does a decent job. I think the script let him down a bit because they crammed a ton of stuff within 90 minutes that could have been saved for a later sequel.

Acting - Again, not the greatest acting in the world. Ian Ziering is still playing it as straight as ever, and it works. Tara Reid is still terrible in these films. I hope the viewers chose the right hashtag when it comes to the April character [#AprilDies]. Cassie Scerbo returns, and she has her moments. She did have a moment where she was acting upset after someone's death that ended up being unintentionally hysterical, so there's that. Frankie Muniz had a great death scene and nice to see him still working. Bo Derek looks great, but doesn't add much. David Hasselhoff is fun to watch as Fin's dad. Plus all the cameos, including Mark Cuban, Chris Jericho, the Today Show hosts, and Lou Ferringno were a lot of fun. It's a good cast as usual for this type of movie.

 
VIOLENCE
SHARKNADO 3 is a bit less violent than the other two films, but it still has some good stuff. Sharks still squash people. People get bit in the ass. Sharks bite heads off. Frankie Muniz gets his limbs chomped off, before blowing himself up. Gun play, chainsaw play, and sword play is at hand. We get a shark on a rollercoaster track killing folks. It's nothing you haven't seen in this franchise, but it's probably still the best part of this sequel.


SEX
Unlike SHARKNADO 2, which took place during a cooler climate, SHARKNADO 3 does show some flesh for both men and women. You get Cassie Scerbo is a hot bikini that leaves little to the imagination. And Ian Ziering defies his 50-years of age by wearing just boxer briefs, showing off his worked out bod. It's a pretty tame film other than that, but it's something.


CHEESE FACTOR
SHARKNADO 3 goes into space by the film's end. And Ann Coulter with any sort of political power? It doesn't get cheesier than that.


THE FINAL HOWL

SHARKNADO 3: OH HELL NO! continues the fun that the franchise provides, although it's wearing pretty thin by this installment. I felt the film started off strong, sort of meandered in the middle unfortunately, but came back strong and bonkers by the film's end. The acting is what it is. The direction, for the most part, maintains the feel of the other two films. And the cameos are still the highlights of these movies. SHARKNADO 3 won't change anyone's mind about this franchise, whether you enjoy these movies or not, still maintaining a high level of stupidity that will make you smile and chuckle for 90 minutes. I still feel SHARKNADO 2 was the "best" film of the three, but SHARKNADO 3 still has enough bite to work.

Sharks...in space. SHARKS IN SPACE. Where do they go from here?




SCORE

3 Howls Outta 4

The B-Movie Bungalow Presents - Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014)

DIRECTED BY
Anthony C. Ferrante

STARRING
Ian Ziering - Fin Shepard
Tara Reid - April Wexler
Vivica A. Fox - Skye
Mark McGrath - Martin Brody
Kari Wuhrer - Ellen Brody
Judd Hirsch - Ben
Courtney Baxter - Mora Brody
Dante Palminteri - Vaughn Brody
Judah Friedlander - Bryan

Genre - Horror/Science Fiction/B-Movie/Bad Animals/Sharks

Running Time - 90 Minutes


PLOT
Fin (Ian Ziering) and ex-wife April (Tara Reid) are on a plane heading to NYC for a book signing. You see, April wrote a book - "How To Survive A Sharknado" - making her and Fin celebrities. Unfortunately, another Sharknado hits during the flight, creating chaos. It seems a series of shark storms are heading to the Big Apple to continue the rampage they did back in Los Angeles - and Fin must protect his family and friends from a bigger, and more sillier, threat.


REVIEW

STORY
Screenplay - 2013's SHARKNADO, produced by The Asylum, was one of the biggest surprises of last Summer. While it wasn't a ratings bonanza, it took over social media and became a phenomenon within the world of pop culture. It became The Asylum's most successful film, meaning a sequel was no doubt rushed into production. Hence, I'm now discussing SHARKNADO 2: THE SECOND ONE.

And by God, this shit storm was absolutely glorious.

SHARKNADO 2 does what a sequel is meant to do - continue the story while creating bigger and badder scenarios for our characters to conquer. While the first film took its time building into the Sharknado madness, the sequel wastes no time getting right into the action - building more and more until it's insane and silly finale. And that's all I wanted from SHARKNADO 2 - a more stupid, but also more epic follow up to an already dumb movie.

Just like the last film, the story is really the aspect that no one expects to be good or anything. After all, it's a sequel to a film about a tornado of hungry sharks. Anyone wanting deep character development and fine tuned story arcs has no business watching SHARKNADO 2, or any Asylum film. But I gotta say - the script kinda surprised me in a good way here. It was pretty clever in a tongue-in-cheek, wink at the audience, sort of way. The first film took itself more seriously in a lot of ways, trying to establish itself as a movie. The sequel knows what it is and embraces the phenomenon it has become. Having certain cameos that referenced previous films and television shows was really great. Who didn't smile when Robert Hays was the pilot at the start of the film, commenting that he's used to strange situations in the air? Judd Hirsch driving a taxi cab? All you needed was Danny Devito, Marilu Henner, Christopher Lloyd, Tony Danza, and Andy Kaufman to complete the joke. Plus having Vivica A. Fox swing samurai swords like she stepped off the set of KILL BILL VOL. 1 is just great stuff. I'll get more into the cameos shortly, but I thought they added to the story rather than take away from it.

The best part was the attempt to give Fin a background of sorts, making him grounded within this crazy universe. We learn he's a New Yorker. We learn he has an estranged relationship with his best friend, who happened to marry his sister. Did I mention that their names are Martin and Ellen Brody? We find out he had a relationship with Skye, who still wants Fin. Even April is jealous that she could lose her ex-husband to this woman. While it's not deep or anything, I liked the family element and how Fin wanted to save all of them and the city he loves. It made the guy more likeable to me, wanting him to save the day and get the girl at the end. I did not expect a sequel, especially from The Asylum, to actually fill in blanks for the characters and give them a reason for existing other than food for these sharks. Gotta give the screenwriters a lot of credit for that.

As for the scenarios our characters are placed in, I thought they were a lot of fun. We get a shark attack in a subway tunnel. A Mets game gets interrupted by falling sharks. The Statue of Liberty's head gets knocked off by a Sharknado, leading to devastation CLOVERFIELD was scared to do. We get buzzsaws, chainsaws, guns, flamethrowers, swords, and even lightning rods to stop these sharks. The finale is pretty fucking wild too, more so than the previous installment. Just a lot of creative shit that no sane person would think of on a good day.

Is it the greatest script? Nowhere close. But it manages to continue the story while building upon it, even if a lot of it is totally illogical and ridiculous. But that's what you want from a film called SHARKNADO 2: THE SECOND ONE.

Direction - Anthony C. Ferrante returns to visualize the franchise he created, and I thought he did a great job. I thought the pacing was a lot better than time around, since the film is pretty much action right from the start. I thought he used the NYC location really well, with the sharks infiltrating the subway system, Liberty Island, pizzerias, and etc. The tone is consistent throughout, and the film is funny without forcing it too much. And I thought the CGI looked way better here than it did a year ago. Obviously, a budget was put into this thing and I thought it was handled fine. The picture quality is what it is. If you've seen the last film, it looks similar. Ferrante kept the visual entertainment going and I appreciated that. He could have half-assed it, knowing the film would do really well regardless due to the first film. But he really tried to make a "good" sequel, which is something he should be applauded for.

Acting - Again, SHARKNADO 2 doesn't have the greatest acting in the world. But I thought it was an improvement over the first. Ian Ziering is back as our main hero, Fin. He plays it straight and says some really ridiculous lines of dialogue without a sense of a smile. He's still a badass with a chainsaw and kept the charm from the previous film. Nice to see Steve Sanders kick some ass. Tara Reid is still the worst actress here as April, but I could tell she tried to put in a good performance. She looked really out of it in the first film. But she seemed more aware and had some fun in this one. So that's an upgrade in my opinion. Mark McGrath was fine as Martin Brody, Fin's brother-in-law. He gets to set some sharks on fire and seemed to be enjoying himself. Kari Wuhrer was cool as Ellen Brody, making me wish she was April rather than Tara Reid. Vivica A. Fox was a bad ass as Skye, but I wish her role was larger. Judd Hirsch was funny as Ben, playing up his Taxi character. Judah Friedlander has some decent moments as Bryan.

The cameos, though, were the highlight for me. Just trying to point out each actor/singer/wrestler was a lot of fun. Kelly Osbourne is a flight attendant. Robert Hays is a pilot. Perez Hilton and Jared from Subway are waiting for a train on the subway. Kurt Angle was a fire captain. Pepa and Tiffany Shepis were Ellen's best friends. Biz Markie was a pizzeria owner. Matt Lauer and Al Roker cracked me up in their scenes on the Today Show set. There are a whole lot more in the film, and most of them get eaten by sharks. So it's all in great fun. I liked the cast in this one.


VIOLENCE
You thought SHARKNADO was violent? This one takes it up a notch. A lot of sharks biting off heads while torpedoing at them. Chopped off limbs right from the start. A lot of chainsaw violence. We also get some sword play. Gun play is here too. We get a water gun turned into a flamethrower. We get sharks landing on people, killing them. We get explosions, electrocutions, and even flying within the storm and riding the shark down to the ground. Just an insane amount of violent stuff here. The final act alone satisfied the quota here. Too much fun to handle.


SEX
The last film took place in a warmer climate. This film takes place during a cooler one, so no bikinis or sexy outfits at all here. Not much to say here.


CHEESE FACTOR
The title alone, SHARKNADO 2: THE SECOND ONE, is cheesy enough. Hell, the existence of this film fills the spectrum here. A Sharknado in NYC? Insanity!


THE FINAL HOWL

I wasn't sure what to expect with SHARKNADO 2: THE SECOND ONE. B-movie sequels don't usually have a great track record, especially when they're made for SyFy by the Asylum. But SHARKNADO 2 won me over right when the tail of the airplane moved like a shark fin through the cloud [thank you AIRPLANE!]. Just a really stupid piece of shit film that will keep a smile on your face for its entire run time. Better story, direction, and acting than in the first. The cameos are worth the watch alone. The final act is something that must be watched. SHARKNADO 2 was way better than it had any right to be, which probably surprised us all while watching it. I actually thought this was better than the first film, to be honest with you. It knew what it was and it had no shame giving it to us. So bad, it was awesome. Bring on the third one!


SCORE

3.5 Howls Outta 4

[Remake Triple Feature] Carrie (2002)/ Children of the Corn (2009)/ I Spit On Your Grave (2010)

DIRECTED BY
David Carson

STARRING
Angela Bettis - Carrie White
Kandyse McClure - Sue Snell
Patricia Clarkson - Margaret White
Emilie de Ravin - Chris Hargensen
Rena Sofer - Rita Desjardins
Tobias Mehler - Tommy Ross
David Keith - Detective John Mulcahey

Genre - Horror/Supernatural

Running Time - 132 Minutes


PLOT
A detective named Mulcahey (David Keith) interviews Sue Snell (Kandyse McClure) and other high students about Carrie White (Angela Bettis). Sue reveals that Carrie was treated badly by the other students, due to her strict religious upbringing that made her an outcast. One day in the gymnasium shower, Carrie is shocked to have experienced her first menstrual period, thinking she's bleeding to death. The school girls find out and humiliate her with tampons and disgusting remarks on her locker. Gym teacher Rita Desjardins (Rena Sofer) learns about this, punishing the other girls for bullying Carrie.

Feeling bad, Sue persuades her boyfriend Tommy Ross (Tobias Mehler) to invite Carrie to the prom, giving Carrie her ticket. While reluctant at first, Carrie accepts the invitation. Meanwhile, Chris Hargensen (Emilie de Ravin) wants revenge on Carrie after refusing to follow through with her punishment, costing her tickets to the prom. Chris decides to humiliate Carrie at the prom by rigging the ballot to name her and Tommy Prom King and Queen, then dumping pig's blood all over her. When Chris gets her way, it sets off a dangerous chain of events that were done better in 1976.

REVIEW
CARRIE (1976) is a horror classic that, even today, manages to be one of Stephen King's finest movie adaptations [shockingly since CARRIE was the first King adaptation]. Even after an unneeded sequel [THE RAGE: CARRIE 2] and two remakes, Brian De Palma's adaptation of King's first novel still casts a mighty large shadow over anything related to it. CARRIE (2002) is no exception - a TV remake that was intended to be a pilot for an NBC series in which Carrie would travel through different towns to help other troubled teenagers deal with their issues. Thankfully, the ratings to this remake were low enough to halt any plans for a potential series. Why low ratings? Maybe it's because the sequel had just been released a few years prior, which also didn't do that well at the box office. Or better yet, many people knew right from the start that a television take on CARRIE wouldn't come close to matching the greatness of the original 1976 film.

I've made it pretty clear that I thought the actual novel was average at best. The fact that this remake follows it pretty closely made me lose some interest. The interactions between the detective and the students, mixed within Carrie's story, work much better as text than it does visually. The flow of the film is ruined when you start to become invested in what's happening to CARRIE, which then gets interrupted by this detective questioning certain characters about what they knew about Carrie. The De Palma film benefits from having these moments cut from the screenplay, as Carrie's story is allowed to be told naturally and fluidly. It also allows mystery and suspense, which this remake doesn't allow since we know certain characters survive before the film even ends. I'm not as invested in this narrative. I thought the stuff with the meteors and the sexually liberated neighbors never added much to the story for me, although it's interesting to see some sort of take of it on film.

The only real good things about the screenplay is that it fleshes out the characters of Sue Snell and Chris Hargensen. In this version, we get more in depth as to their actions towards Carrie - with Sue wanting to help Carrie feel like she could belong, while Chris using her father's power to get her way and ruin and girl's life due to a sense of entitlement. This aspect was more implied in the original, so I was glad to see it given more attention here.

Other than that, CARRIE is pretty much similar to the De Palma in almost every way. It's just not as creepy, scary, interesting, inventive, or stylish as the original. Thanks to director David Carson, CARRIE looks and feels like a television movie through and through, with cheap CGI effects and television actors who are unable to really carry the weight of the story to make it remotely memorable once it ends. 1976's CARRIE set such a high standard that any remake that comes out afterwards will always be under a magnifying glass.

As much as I enjoy a twitchy Angela Bettis and a evilly subdued Patricia Clarkson [who are both pretty good in their roles here as Carrie and Margaret White respectively], they're not just Sissy Spacek and Piper Laurie for me. There are some roles that really can't be filled by multiple actors. Spacek and Laurie are Carrie and Margaret for me, no matter who plays those roles in other versions of the story. I also must give credit to Emilie de Ravin as Chris, and Rena Sofer as Rita Desjardins. I thought they were very good as well. Still, the performances in the original version are so damn good, it makes these performances seem amateur in comparison.

As for the direction, David Carson is pretty bland through it all. There's no real style to the film at all. Watching the prom sequence in this remake makes it too hard not to compare it to the visionary sequence De Palma set forth in his version. His direction and editing made the prom scene immortal to many. This remake just apes what happened in the original film, but in a majorly inferior manner. Sure, computer effects have gotten better since the 1976 version. But it wasn't about the carnage of the prom. It was about how it was presented that made it powerful. There's no power in this version. And the ending is just ridiculously bad. Since I already mentioned that this film was supposed to lead into an actual series, there shouldn't be a surprise that Carrie actually survives this remake, thanks to Sue Snell. If I wanted to see a troubled person travel to different towns to provide insight to different situations, I'd watch The Incredible Hulk with Bill Bixby. Just my opinion.

THE FINAL HOWL
CARRIE (2002) is a pretty lame remake to a classic piece of horror cinema. It's like watching the original film - just in a less stylish, not as strongly acted, and in not as well told way. Sure, parts of the novel that were omitted from the De Palma version make their return here. But they honestly don't add much to what already was a damn great adaptation of a mediocre first book by a master novelist. It's not the worst remake out there and has its moments for sure. But besides a few strong performances and some interesting interpretations of classic characters, there's no real reason to hunt down this remake unless you're curious to see why CARRIE didn't take off and lead to a planned television series. This is one prom I don't plan on going to again anytime soon.



SCORE

1.5 Howls Outta 4

DIRECTED BY
Donald P. Borchers

STARRING
David Anders - Burt Stanton
Kandyse McClure - Vicky Stanton
Daniel Newman - Malachi
Preston Bailey - Issac
Alexa Nikolas - Ruth

Genre - Horror/Killer Kids

Running Time - 92 Minutes


PLOT
In 1975, married couple Vicky (Kandyse McClure) and Vietnam vet Burt (David Anders) are arguing as they drive through quiet Nebraska. As they bicker, Burt hits a young boy [who ran out of the nearest cornfields] with his car. As they blame each other for the accident, they both realize that the boy was already dead as his throat was slit prior to the accident. Arguing over their next move, the couple decide to place the body in the car trunk and drive into the nearest town, Gatlin.

As Burt and Vicky look for help, they realize that they stepped into a ghost town. The phones have been destroyed. Hay and cobwebs have taken over the local stores and homes. There's no one around. But when Burt goes to the local church and starts figuring out what's going on, a group of children pop out of nowhere to attack Vicky in her car. Burt runs out to find Vicky gone, realizing that the children of this town slaughtered their parents and are using religion to justify their actions. In particular, the children are worshiping someone called He Who Walks Behind the Rows, who needs human sacrifices to make the corn crop grow.

REVIEW
I have three words for CHILDREN OF THE CORN:

WHAT THE FUCK!?
 

Man, CHILDREN OF THE CORN (2009) has got to be one of the worst remakes I've had to suffer through. Half-hour in, and I wanted to turn the film off. I've made it no secret that I'm not a big fan of the original 1984 adaptation with Linda Hamilton. But compared to this SyFy remake, the 1984 film is Oscar-caliber.

Nothing that made the original film appealing to so many exists here. The characters aren't likeable. The narrative doesn't really go anywhere until the last half hour of the film. He Who Walks Behind the Rows doesn't even make any sort of appearance. Like 2002's CARRIE, 2009's CHILDREN OF THE CORN follows the short story that Stephen King wrote pretty much to a tee. And while I criticized the original film for being too light hearted for a dark story, this SyFy remake takes a dark story and makes it truly one of the dullest experiences of my life. When your main characters argue for two straight acts about random crap, you won't have any hair left to pull. Burt and Vicky here are TERRIBLE people who deserved to die sooner than they did. Yes, the couple hate each other in the short story. But the story could be read within 15 minutes. That's intolerable for two hours!

The children are no better. Issac is just a little prick who recites stuff as if he's reading from a cue card. Malachi is a bit better, but not threatening enough like the original character. And Ruth barely makes an impression until the final moments of the film. I didn't care about the story or the characters at all.

The only decent thing about the remake was the direction by Donald P. Borchers. The film looks nice, and some scenes are shot really well. I think the car accident is quite a shock. Plus there are moments where Burt is inside of the cornfield, giving him 'Nam flashbacks as he escapes the children. I thought these scenes were pretty inspired and quite stylish. The problem is that most viewers won't see any of this since they'll turn the film off the moment they hear the main characters bicker for minutes at a time. It's a shame.

The acting is eh here. David Anders is okay as Burt, but nothing about him is likeable due to his character. Kandyse McClure is just bitchy as Vicky. Her peformance is so one-note, which is a shame. David Newman is pretty okay as Malachai, although he doesn't really give much of the menace that Courtney Gains added to the character in the original. And Preston Bailey was terrible as Issac. None of his dialogue delivery was convincing in any way. In fact, a lot of the child actors pretty pretty terrible. What a waste of corn.

THE FINAL HOWL
I'll never bad mouth the 1984 take of CHILDREN OF THE CORN ever again after watching the 2009 remake. While I'm not the biggest fan of the original, it still has more talent, charm, heart, and amusement than all 92 minutes of the remake. I honestly couldn't wait until this film was over. Besides some decent direction, there's nothing really to see here. No humans are worth sacrificing for this piece of shit.



SCORE

0.5 Howls Outta 4

DIRECTED BY
Steven R. Monroe

STARRING
Sarah Butler - Jennifer Hills
Andrew Howard - Sheriff Storch
Jeff Branson - Johnny
Chad Linberg - Matthew
Daniel Franzese - Stanley
Rodney Eastman - Andy
Tracey Walter - Earl

Genre - Horror/Thriller/Rape/Revenge/Exploitation

Running Time - 108 Minutes


PLOT
A city author named Jennifer Hills (Sarah Butler) rents a cabin in the country so she can work on her new novel for the next two months. Due to her looks and the fact that she's a stranger, she attracts the unwanted attention of some redneck locals who work at a local gas station after she embarrasses their leader, Johnny (Jeff Branson). They begin spying on her, to the point of videotaping her every move, until one night where they decide to break into the cabin to torment her. Jennifer escapes into the woods, running into Sheriff Storch (Andrew Howard), explaining her situation.

Taking Jennifer back to the cabin, Storch begins investigating, finding empty bottles of wine and smoked joints. Thinking she just did this for attention, Storch calls for backup - who just happens to be the local rednecks who tormented her. Realizing that Storch is part of the group, Jennifer tries to fight back. Unfortunately, she is brutalized and raped by each of the men. Now broken, Jennifer walks away and falls into the river, where the rednecks believe she's gone for good since her body can't be located.

A month passes, and the group continues to live their lives - although they're still paranoid about the event with Jennifer. Soon enough, Jennifer reappears to mess with each rapist individually as her sick way to get revenge on what was done to her.

REVIEW

Meir Zarchi's I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE from 1978 is still one of the most unpleasant films I had ever sat through. It's not a film that wanted to be judged for its technicality or its storytelling. I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE is a Grindhouse era shockfest that's meant to unease people with a 20+ minute rape scene and gory revenge sequences that's not for the faint of heart. It's no wonder the original was placed on the British Video Nasty list upon its release. I respect it as an experience, even if I don't necessarily agree that I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE is supposed to inspire female empowerment.

I'm still surprised that someone had the balls to remake I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE back in 2010. I remember hearing about the reboot, thinking why would anyone want to recreate such an upsetting experience for a modern audience. It wasn't part of a popular franchise. It wasn't a film that needed retelling. I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE was released during a time where the whole rape-revenge deal has been done to death. In 1978, the film probably outraged a lot of people. In 2010, we've seen worse things on the news and in other films of its kind. It's pretty strange why this film, in particular, became an idea for a remake.

That being said, 2010's I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE is a much better remake than I was expecting. It follows the original's narrative fairly closely, give or take a few changes, and still manages to be somewhat unsettling to watch. Funny enough, this remake is actually tamer than the original. The rape sequence is much shorter [thank God], and we barely see any nudity unless the film calls for it. And sure, the violence is more intense and elaborate [apparently Jennifer was a fan of the SAW films prior to her trip to this cabin], but it was the acts of rape that really bothered a lot of viewers.

I do think the revenge portion of the film is much improved from the original. There are really nasty scenes here, like a barrel of a loaded gun shoved up a dude's rectum, an acid bath, hooks to eyelids, and some genital mutilation. I liked that we don't see Jennifer plotting her revenge, or biding her time. She's gone for an entire month and we have no idea what was going on with her. There's a level of mystery here that the original doesn't have. Yes, it's probably implausible that Jennifer could even come up with these elaborate traps. But at least the time frame is reasonable and we don't actually see her plotting and creating these traps to reinforce that implausibility.

I do have to admit that this remake is utterly pointless, as there's no reason for it to exist. The original at least had some sort of purpose going for it that was meant to showcase a perverse level of female empowerment. This remake's purpose is too capitalize on the remake and "torture porn" trends. I find the original more effective and powerful due to this.

I think the original is more effective is because the acting in that film is not as good as the film here. The only exception is Camille Keaton over Sarah Butler as Jennifer. Butler is good, but Keaton just had this presence that captivates you during her torment and during her revenge. I was more convinced by Keaton that she would eventually do the things she does over Butler. The male counterparts, however, are much better actors here. Jeff Branson, a soap opera actor, definitely has a domineering and dark presence throughout the film. Andrew Howard, who plays a new character Sheriff Storch, is also very convincing as a scumbag police official who takes advantage of a helpless victim, even though he has a wife and young daughter who respects him at home. Howard plays Storch as this proud family man with a secret that he's haunted with. I really liked him here. And Rodney Eastman, Chad Lindberg, and Daniel Franzese do well with their respective parts as well. My thing is that since they were so good in their roles, it didn't feel as raw as the original.

Same goes with Steven R. Monroe's direction. It's extremely polished and doesn't capture the grittyness or dirtyness of the situation like it does in the 1978 version. Still, Monroe is less focused on the acts of rape and more on the psychological torment the characters go through during and after the sexual assault. The pacing is perfect, with some stylized visualization and some nice tension during the revenge portion. The videotape moments feel voyeuristic, creating a semi-uncomfortable feeling. This film is just bleak from beginning to end. And while the original is a better film due to its intended experience, this remake is definitely better made as a whole.

THE FINAL HOWL

I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE is an unnecessary remake, but at least it's a well made one. I didn't have the same uncomfortable experience watching this like I did with the original. But at least the acting is good, the direction is solid and polished, and the narrative still works, even if the remake as a whole feels tamer and less effective as the 1978 original. If you can handle rape-revenge films, give this remake a watch even if the original film is "much better".



SCORE

3 Howls Outta 4

The B-Movie Bungalow Presents: Ghost Shark (2013)

DIRECTED BY
Griff Furst

STARRING
Mackenzie Rosman - Ava Conte
Dave Randolph-Mayhem Davis - Blaise Shaw
Sloane Coe - Cicely
Jaren Mitchell - Cameron
Richard Moll - Finch
Lucky Johnson - Mayor Glen
Tim Taylor - Deputy Hendricks

Genre - Horror/Thriller/Bad Animals/Supernatural/Sharks/Ghosts

Running Time - 95 Minutes


PLOT
Some father and daughter fishing team are having a contest for cash. However, a great white shark bites the prize fish in half before it's reeled in. Obviously, the father and daughter team are upset by this and decide to shoot the shark with a crossbow. Then after dumping hot sauce over the shark, the daughter tosses a grenade into the shark's mouth. The shark survives the grenade, making its way to a cave where it dies. However, the cave seems to have supernatural properties that bring the shark to life - as a ghost! Now pissed off and able to survive within any form of water, the shark plans on dishing revenge on those who murdered it and the town nearby.


REVIEW
GHOST SHARK is the latest SyFy feature that unfortunately had to follow up one of Summer's biggest pop culture phenomenons, SHARKNADO. And while it doesn't even come close to the epicness of SHARKNADO, GHOST SHARK is still a pretty entertaining time for the most part.

STORY
- Screenplay: When you sit down and watch a movie called GHOST SHARK, you're not really preparing yourself to dive into the screenwriting of said piece. After all, you're not expecting award winning writing for a movie that's basically about the spirit of a vengeful ghost shark attacking stupid characters in a variety of ways. The writing is pretty silly and mediocre. The characters are all stereotypical without much of a personality. The only real thing the script has going for it is when the shark randomly pops up to murder people from different water areas. And while those scenes are entertaining as hell, it's the scenes where there needs to be drama, exposition, and character development that suffer.

I'm not going to totally tear GHOST SHARK apart for having an extremely cliche B-movie killer shark script. But it would be nice if the storytelling rose above that somewhat. Add in a twist to change the predictable script into something more memorable. Give the main characters a bit of depth, so we can believe that this situation is a threat to their survival. Watching most of these characters have fun at a pool party hours after one of their best friends is murdered by this ghost shark isn't believable in any sort of sense. It's like that moment in SLAUGHTER HIGH, where the girlfriend [whose boyfriend exploded after that can of beer] chooses between grieving or taking a bath. Guess which one she chose? I have no sympathy for characters like that! Make the situation surreal, while keeping the characters somewhat in reality. It's not too hard.

Hell, two of the main characters' dad is murdered by this shark in the opening scene. Yet, they seem indifferent to his death, even though they want to stop the shark. Why should I care about their goal if they don't properly react to their motivation? And even as people died around them, they barely felt bad. Maybe this shark was doing the right thing in getting revenge on this town after all!

As for the explanation of why the shark was turned into a ghost to begin with - it's just a muddled mess. I guess the cave has history with magic or voodoo or something. And one of the characters doesn't want the cave to be destroyed [which would destroy the shark] because his wife died and doesn't want to lose her again - or some shit like that. I didn't really care enough about the characters to really pay attention. I just wanted to see this Ghost Shark do some damage.

GHOST SHARK doesn't have a terrible script. But besides what's done with the shark [the only real highlights of the film, story-wise], it's pretty much been-there-done-that-executed-better. But I've seen worse storytelling in my time.

Direction: The direction by Griff Furst is probably the highlight of the story. While the visuals won't set the world on fire, at least Furst seems competent enough to visualize a silly piece of fluff into something memorable and entertaining. The picture quality is what you would expect out of a SyFy feature, which is pretty decent. The pacing was good - that tends to happen when characters don't react to much around them. I thought the special effect for the ghost shark was actually not that bad. It looked silly, but I was glad it was silly. It stood out and made me laugh. And the violent moments had style and were shot well. I thought Furst did a commendable job with a dumb flick. I honestly had no issue with the visual presentation for what it was.

Acting: The acting, however, wasn't the greatest in the world. Some actors were way over-the-top. Some actors went to the same school as Kristen Stewart. I wasn't expecting great acting in a film called GHOST SHARK, but it could have been better!

Most of the actors were pretty bland, but some stood out more than others. Mackenzie Rosman, who played the youngest daughter on 7th Heaven, did nothing for me as Ava. While she grew up into a hot looking woman, her acting is only a step above Kristen Stewart's. Rosman doesn't really emote as much as you'd want her to, pretty much having a serious face the entire runtime. At least have fun with your role!

Lucky Johnson, as Mayor Glen, was the total opposite. He was so over-the-top in his performance, that he actually annoyed me. It also didn't help that Mayor Glen was probably the most unlikeable character in the film. I wanted the shark to eat this guy the moment he opened his mouth. I wasn't convinced by his performance, even by B-movie standards.

The best actor, by default, was probably Night Court's Richard Moll. He was hammy at times, but at least he showed some passion in his role as crazy guy Finch. At least someone in the film was enjoying himself.

VIOLENCE
GHOST SHARK is a pretty violent film, using a lot of CGI brutality that will probably make you chuckle. This Ghost Shark really enjoys munching on living folk. The shark usually favors chomping someone right in half, where only the bottom half is uneaten. Also, we get decapitations and chewed off limbs. The coolest violent moment was when some dude drank a cup of water [which the Ghost Shark had mysteriously entered] and the shark rips the dude open in half. Even a few children get killed by this shark! Just a lot of CGI bloodshed and brutality by this one dead shark. Highly entertaining stuff.

SEX
Other than hot girls in bikinis and some shirtless dudes, not much sex going on here.

CHEESE FACTOR
While nowhere near the level of SHARKNADO, GHOST SHARK does have really bizarre moments that only made me enjoy the film probably more than I had wanted to. Not only does this shark have the ability to travel within the ocean, but it can travel through any water source. If you're swimming in a pool, that shark could come out of nowhere and eat you. Have a busted pipe? Expect to be sucked through it by the shark. Car wash? Better wear your best bikini because you're gonna die in it. Watch out for that shark mouth while you slip and slide. And not even an umbrella will save you from the rainy weather, as the shark will rain down on you and swallow you whole. And don't bother drinking that cup of water. That shark will just rip you into two. All these moments had me laughing throughout the film. Extremely silly and highly illogical, but fun times nevertheless.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE GETTING SUCKED THROUGH A TOILET

- A fisherman and his daughter murdered a great white shark for killing a prize winning fish that was worth $30,000. Maybe Lil' Kim should consider the same with her plastic surgeon.

- The token overweight guy got eaten in a swimming pool by the Ghost Shark. He really is The Biggest Loser!

- A plumber got sucked through a kitchen sink pipe by the Ghost Shark. Too bad the Princess is in another castle.

- A little kid got eaten by the Ghost Shark will on a slip-and-slide. Man, that's a slick way to end someone.

- Cicely was attacked by the Ghost Shark while relaxing in her bathtub. Freddy Krueger saw that and said, "Bitch, been there and done that!"

- Some dude got ripped in half by the Ghost Shark after drinking from the water cooler. Montezuma's Revenge - DAMN!

- The Ghost Shark enjoyed munching on the Deputy. It's true - everyone does love bacon.

- The Ghost Shark really wanted a piece of Ava. After seeing how hot she grew up to be, that shark must have been in 7th Heaven!

THE FINAL HOWL
While no SHARKNADO, GHOST SHARK still managed to be a fun time whenever the title character would make its presence. The violence was way over the top, which made the film a lot more entertaining. The direction wasn't that bad. And the film had enough moments that will remain memorable until the next B-movie shark film is released. What other movie can give you a man being ripped in half just by drinking a cup of water that possesses the spirit of a dead, vengeful shark? Too bad the drama wasn't there and the acting was deader than the shark. Still, GHOST SHARK entertained me for the most part and that's all I really wanted from this film. So a mild success, I guess.



SCORE

2.5 Howls Outta 4

The B-Movie Bungalow Presents: Sharknado (2013)

DIRECTED BY
Anthony C. Ferrante

STARRING
Ian Ziering - Fin
Tara Reid - April
Jaason Simmons - Baz
Cassie Scerbo - Nova
John Heard - George
Aubrey Peeples - Claudia
Chuck Hittinger - Matt

Genre - Horror/Science Fiction/B-Movie/Bad Animals/Sharks

Running Time - 88 Minutes


PLOT
A huge storm heads towards Los Angeles. While this on its own is a bad thing, it gets worse when it brings a whole bunch of sharks with it to terrorize the population. Fin (Ian Ziering) is a surfer/bar owner who gets his bar destroyed by this storm of sharks, leading a crew including his best friend Baz (Jaason Simmons), his potential love-interest and shark hater Nova (Cassie Scerbo), and the local bar drunk George (John Heard), to protect the townspeople, including his ex-wife April (Tara Reid) and his kids (Aubrey Peeples and Chuck Hittinger), and kill these sharks. Even though the sharks are attacking the city through strong winds and massive flooding, Los Angeles is put into more danger as a series of tornadoes swoop the sharks into it, truly making these Sharknadoes a force of nature to contend with.



REVIEW


STORY
Screenplay - I got to say this right now - as much as I was excited for IRON MAN 3, MAN OF STEEL, and FAST AND FURIOUS 6 this summer, that excitement could not compare to the excitement I had for The Asylum's newest collaboration with the SyFy Channel, SHARKNADO. I mean seriously, a tornado full of sharks attacking and killing people? I'm sold! SHARKNADO is the type of film that Shark Summer is made for. And while it's script was probably its weakest aspect, I still enjoyed the absurd story.

There's really no point in me reviewing a script to a B-movie about sharks attacking a city with the help of tornadoes. No one is reading this wondering if the film has great detail to characterization and subplots people will relate to. Just like every SyFy film that deals with this sort of thing, it involves a group of stereotypical characters trying to escape and counter a bad situation. Nothing more, nothing less. That's not to say that the characters aren't interesting. As a matter of fact, I was surprised that I actually liked most of them, enough that I wanted them to survive until the end.

Ian Ziering's Fin is a pretty great hero, although his ex-wife and daughter think he's a terrible husband/father. He's pretty selfless, quick to risk his own life in order to save others. He helps his friends escape. He goes straight to his estranged family in order to help them survive the ordeal. Along their escape, Fin stops to help stranded victims. This guy is pretty awesome. I knew nothing about his backstory really, but I knew I liked him enough to root for him. His best friend, Baz, is also quite heroic and likeable. He even gets attacked by sharks and still kicks their ass. Gotta respect that. Nova is a smart ass, but tough as nails for a bartender. She hates sharks due to her grandfather being murdered by one when she was younger. She also has a scar on her leg due to a shark bite. She's pretty much the marksperson of the group, shooting these sharks to hell. And did I mention she's hot? George is the town drunk, but a funny one who ends up doing something noble that costs him greatly. The only unlikeable characters were April and Claudia, the ex-wife and daughter. I guess they had to be for the melodrama with Fin, but I found them pretty annoying. At least Matt, the son, was a decent human being. I really was not expecting this much care for B-movie characters in a SyFy movie, so I was pleasantly surprised.

And I got to say, the stuff the writer came up with for these shark attacks were a stroke of brilliance. I won't spoil anything, but there is some epic stuff here. In fact, the final act of the film has to be one of the best 20 minute climaxes I have ever witnessed in a B-movie. The film almost lost me with the melodrama that came right before these 20 minutes [ain't nobody got time for that!]. But once the group came out on the offense to fight off the sharks, I was hooked. Just the one-liners [nice homage to JAWS] and the moves certain characters made to survive were just incredible. I'm jealous that I didn't have this much imagination to write the screenplay for SHARKNADO.

Direction - Anthony C. Ferrante directed a pretty entertaining film here. It's well paced and the picture quality looks exactly what you would expect from an Asylum movie of this caliber. The use of the cheesy CGI sharks and gore were handled very well, and I thought some of the scenes had genuine tension and suspense. Plus, Ferrante took the film seriously, yet didn't at the same time. SHARKNADO knows what it is visually, and doesn't hold back. The fact that the killer sharks attack right away made this film fun to watch.

Acting - SHARKNADO doesn't have the greatest acting in the world. If anyone expected that, then they haven't seen an Asylum/SyFy film. But it was better than what I was expecting. Ian Ziering of Beverly Hills 90210 fame is pretty damn good as the heroic Fin. I really liked his character and he brought a bit of charm and badassery to the role. Plus, how has the man not aged all that much in 20 years? The guy is almost 50 and he looks younger than some of his co-stars who are definitely younger than him. Speaking of which, Tara Reid looked terrible I thought. She was also the film's worst actor, as it seemed she didn't really care about being in SHARKNADO [I'm sure that paycheck was nice though!]. She gave a really bland performance and did nothing for me really. Jaason Simmons of Baywatch fame was good as Baz. I thought he had a lot of charm. Cassie Scerbo was good as Nova. She was very sexy, especially when she was shooting sharks. And John Heard was the comic relief as George and did it well. All the actors took their roles seriously and I think it made the film that much better to enjoy. SHARKNADO had a much better production than I was ever expecting, and I'm glad for it.


VIOLENCE
SHARKNADO definitely does not disappoint all that much as a killer shark movie. Sure, there could have been more crazy scenes of sharks attacking people from the air. But for the most part, I was pretty content with the bloodshed here. Right from the start, the sharks start hunting and eating people. Chewed off limps that spurt out a rain of blood. Sharks eating the face of some dude standing in the middle of a tornado. Sharks eating through car roofs, bursting through bars and homes, and diving through the air to swallow people below. We also get a couple of explosions, a lot of gunplay, and even a Ferris Wheel causing some good destruction by the beach. Did I mention someone leaps into a shark with a chainsaw in a scene that would make SHARK ATTACK 3: MEGALODON orgasm with pleasure? The final 20 minutes alone satisfied the violence quota.


SEX
This is definitely the tamest aspect of the film. But we do get Cassie Scerbo is a bikini, looking fine. Plus she gets her ass groped by John Heard. But other than that, not a whole lot here to talk about.


CHEESE FACTOR
It's a film called SHARKNADO. What more needs to be said?


THE FINAL HOWL
SHARKNADO won me over big time. It's stupid. It's ridiculous. It doesn't make a whole lick of sense. The CGI isn't great. The acting could be better. There's not much of a story here to really talk about. And I loved it. SHARKNADO is just a fun watch from beginning to end. This is the epitome of "so bad, yet so good". The Asylum and SyFy have done it again and they left me with a genuine goofy smile on my face. If you want to have a fun time watching a shark movie this summer, definitely stick with SHARKNADO.

SCORE
3.5 Howls Outta 4