Midnight Confessions Ep. 108: "Murder, incest, abortion and obscene phone calls...Merry Christmas!"

What better way to spread holiday cheer than with two Christmas classicks: SILENT NIGHT, BLOODY NIGHT (1972) and BLACK CHRISTMAS (1974). Happy Holidays from the MC crew!


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The Midnight Confessions Movie Show #16: "The 2016 Christmas Special!"

Join Moronic Mark and yours truly as we talk over another clusterfuck of Christmas crap! Happy Holidays!

Hey, did you know we have a podcast? Because of course we do. Be sure to check out the Midnight Confessions Podcast...

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"We Wish You a Turtles Christmas" (1994) [A ShitMas Post For Shit Movie Fest]

Another year, another ShitMas celebration here at Shit Movie Fest. I haven’t been the most festive person around this time of year for the past few years. I haven’t watched any Christmas movies that are meant to bring the joy and spirit of the holiday in my heart. I haven’t listened to Christmas music that will make me feel jolly. I’ve been watching holiday horror films that show us the dark side of Christmas to match the blackness of my heart. Bah humbug.

Speaking of “bah humbug”, I decided to torture myself this Christmas by watching the infamous “We Wish You a Turtle Christmas” special from 1994. Just when I thought the worst thing about Christmas was watching Alpha-5 and Zordon kidnap children to decorate the Command Center for the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, I stand corrected after watching this shell-shocking Christmas special. Cheap looking costumes, terrible Christmas interpretations, and terrible direction and narrative - Santa is taking a giant dump on my Merry Christmas.

We Wish You a Turtle Christmas” begins with the Ninja Turtles singing about who they are and the ninja things they do. Or at least I think they’re singing since the giant Turtle mouths are either moving way too much to be in sync, or not moving at all. I guess the Ninja Turtles must have learned telekinesis since the last time I watched any of their adventures. Then after a minute of thrilling credits involving white lettering in front of a black screen, we’re treated to our first musical number.

The Turtles decide to welcome us with a rendition of “Deck the Halls”, reggae style. Right away, I start having suicidal thoughts. Even before the song, the Turtles are speaking with stereotypical New York accents. Joe Pesci and Robert DeNiro are offended by this portrayal of New Yorkers. Then the song starts and Leonardo is suddenly Jamaican! Bob Marley is rolling in his grave now. Speaking of the song, Leo wants to “deck the halls with pepperoni”.

What the fuck does that even mean??

During the song, Donatello asks Leo where his present is. Leo responds by not telling him. The Christmas Spirit, ladies and gentlemen! Leo ends the song by choking himself with his Christmas lights, which would have been my Christmas gift if Leo had actually succeeded in the act. Then again, it’s ShitMas.

After the first song ends, Raphael claims that their Christmas shopping is over. Thank God. That means this special is ov—- oh crap, they didn’t get Splinter a present. Eighteen more minutes of this, oh joy! The Turtles claim that stores close at 5pm, so they better hurry up and get Splinter something.

When in the actual fuck do any stores close at 5pm on Christmas Eve?? My brain hurts…

So to the tune of “Over the River and Through the Woods”, we get a “wonderful” rendition with the Turtles singing “Up Through the Sewers and to the Streets” with the Turtles’ mouths not moving at all. They’re Professor Xing my ass and I don’t like it. It leads right into another song that begins with street kids playing music on random objects. Then over and over and over and over and over and over again, the Turtles sing that they “Gotta Get a Gift for Splinter”.

You know, maybe if they started singing less and actually started shopping, I would be in less pain right now.

Anyway, Leo suggests a few gift ideas for Splinter:

  • A bowling ball.

  • Some ice skates.

  • Sweater and neck tie.

  • Go kart.

  • Earmuffs.

And my favorite bit - a set of golf clubs, to which Donatello claims Splinter isn’t athletic enough for those.


He’s a Ninja master and he’s NOT athletic enough??? FUCK YOU, DONNIE.

The Turtles finally make it to the surface, claiming there are only 2 hours left for shopping. Are you serious? How long did all that sewer travel and singing take? I can’t even. And when do the Turtles just start walking in the streets in broad daylight without people freaking out? Out of nowhere, Michelangelo decides that it’s time for some opera singing. I will say that this is honestly the best part of this terrible special, since the song and the singing is actually quite nice.

But you know what happens when something good happens in this special? The rest of the Turtles shit all over it. Mikey’s brothers hate the song and his singing! Yeah, because their terrible crap was better. Mikey is me and the rest of them are this current generation who believe that “Panda” song is quality musicianship. And I don’t know… maybe if they hate Mikey’s singing so much, they could just walk away from the song and actually do some shopping! Just a thought, I guess. 

The Turtles claim they only have an hour left to shop, which makes me question whether these Ninja Turtles actually understand how time works since the song was only 3 minutes. Anyway, we have a terrible montage of the Turtles buying Splinter gifts. This leads us to another song called “Wrap Rap”. 

Get it? This pun is so hilarious, it must have been written by a current writer for Saturday Night Live. Leo raps about wrapping gifts for like 2 minutes, which is 5 minutes longer than this song had any right being. Started from the sewers and now we here, yo. The Turtles wish each other good night, giving me hope that they’ll never wake back up.

Unfortunately, Christmas arrives and some furry creature greets them as the Turtles exchange presents. This creature does look and sound kind of familiar….

Oh my God, what have they done to Splinter?? He looks like a wet possum!

Splinter decides to sing about the “12 Days of Christmas”, and I start wishing I had 12 different weapons to end my life. What did they give this poor rat, by the way?

12 April O’ Neill autographs. (Because he’ll get a penny each for each one on eBay)

11 pairs of sneakers (Every rat needs a pair of Jordans)

10 yellow Yo-Yos (Is… Is that racist?)

9 narrow neck ties (Is Splinter going to a fancy dinner soon? WTF?)

8 chopsticks (Okay, that’s definitely racist)

7 silk kimonos (For when Splinter entertains a lady friend)

6 frisbees (I thought he wasn’t athletic?)

5 video games (I wish I was playing video games right now instead of writing about this)

4 manhole covers (Now that’s just fucking stupid)

3 skateboards (I love it when people buy things for themselves when buying for others)

2 comic books (Well they are expensive these days)

1 pizza with pepperoni (I hate this damn special)

I love that at one point, Splinter forgets the lyrics and just moves the show along. Even he’s sick of this Christmas special. Leo even comments about the song being the longest ever. Now it’s being self-aware. Too late to impress me with your meta ways, Turtle Christmas.

And why are there like 5 kids in the sewers with Splinter and the Turtles on Christmas Day anyway? Oh God, they watched “Alpha’s Magical Christmas” and decided kidnapping children was a Christmas tradition! NAMBLA had destroyed this commercial holiday for 90s children everywhere!

Splinter thanks the Turtles for the gifts, but reminds them that the holiday is about sharing and being with those you love. So Splinter pretty much negated the entire premise of this special, as well as reminding me that I don’t love myself for watching this piece of crap. They then sing “We Wish You a Turtle Christmas”, but I’m too busy drinking myself to a stupor to care by this point.

Look if you’ve seen “We Wish You a Turtle Christmas”, you know how terrible it is. It won’t bring you Christmas cheer. It’s a waste of 23 minutes. Terrible songs. Insulting New York stereotypes. The costumes are awful. It’s one of the worst Christmas specials ever. For those who hate those Michael Bay produced films, watching this will change your mind on those movies. Even the Shredder avoided appearing in this, which should tell you something right there. Avoid like the plague and burn this alongside your Yuletide log. ShitMas at its finest. Or worst, depending on how you look at it.


Midnight Confessions Ep. 107 - "Santa's back in town...and he's pissed"

Tis the season for murder and mayhem. In this yule tide episode we take a look at the original SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT (1984) and the remake/reboot/homage/wtf-ever, SILENT NIGHT (2012). It's about to get jolly up in this bitch.


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Midnight Confessions Ep. 106 - "MST3k: The Mike Years"

After 2 years we're finally getting to the 2nd half of our look at Mystery Science Theater 3000. Previously the MC crew picked their favorite Joel era episodes, this time around it's all about Mike J. Nelson. Episodes reviewed are ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE (season 6/Ep 604), THE FINAL SACRIFICE (season 9/Ep 910) and DEATHSTALKER AND THE WARRIORS FROM HELL (season 7/Ep 703). Plus music by Deep Purple, John Fogerty, Men Without Hats and The Kinks. 

Also: turn down your lights (where applicable).


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Midnight Confessions Ep. 105: "Cheese from the Deep"

November is here and that is the time of the year when we celebrate terrible movies or "turkeys" if you may. We're kicking it off with 3 helpings of turkey; CREATURES FROM THE ABYSS aka PLANKTON (1994), ALIEN FROM THE DEEP (1989) and SPAWN OF THE SLITHIS (1978). Plus music by Primus, deadhorse, GWAR, AC/DC and Metallica.


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Doctor Strange (2016)

Directed By: Scott Derrickson

Starring: Benedict Cumberbatch, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Rachel McAdams, Benedict Wong, Mads Mikkelsen, Scott Adkins, Benjamin Bratt, Tilda Swinton

Genre: Action/Adventure/Science Fiction/Fantasy/Comic Books

Running Time: 115 Minutes

Doctor Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) is a great neurosurgeon who also happens to be so arrogant, he’s pushed away the people who care about him - including fellow doctor Christine Palmer (Rachel McAdams). While driving to a speaking event, Strange drives his car too fast and ends up crashing badly. While he survives, the nerve damage to his hands pretty much end his medical career. Learning about a paralyzed man (Benjamin Bratt) who somehow learned to walk through spiritual means, Strange goes to Nepal to seek the same hope. He meets up with The Ancient One (Tilda Swinton) and her loyal disciple, Mordo (Chiwetel Ejiofor), to fix the nerve damage. Instead, Strange learns all about mysticism - changing time, bending reality, and conjuring spells in and out of the astral plane. He’s unknowingly thrusted into a serious battle between the light and dark worlds - facing The Ancient One’s former disciple Kaecilius (Mads Mikkelsen), who wants to conjure up the demonic Dormammu to take over Earth.

DOCTOR STRANGE is the 14th film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, continuing Marvel’s story towards the looming threat of Thanos and INFINITY WAR. Doctor Strange is a character that I knew of and some of his rogues gallery, but not a character I ever read a comic for. I can’t say I was overly excited for this film, considering I pretty much knew nothing about the character - even though I knew he probably held one of the Infinity Stones. So color me surprised when DOCTOR STRANGE ended up being a really fun time, taking a pretty generic origin story and turning it on its head.

The visual effects in DOCTOR STRANGE have to be some of the best I’ve seen on film. Obviously inspired by Christopher Nolan’s INCEPTION, the trippy and psychedelic reality bending effects add a lot to the story and the characters involved. The action scenes would be pretty average and generic without the crazy set pieces, where the landscapes constantly evolves and changes into new set pieces within the fighting. The laws of physics have no place in DOCTOR STRANGE, adding to a visually stunning film that keeps you glued to the screen. Scott Derrickson does a great job directing the CGI and handling it well. The opening sequence and that Dormammu time-bending sequence were highlights of the film for me. Really clever stuff.

And while I mentioned that the story was fairly generic, the mystical themes rise it above other superhero film origins. Without the magic stuff, DOCTOR STRANGE would have been a wannabe IRON MAN. Or ANT-MAN. Or countless other superhero films that follow the same exact beats, making them less compelling with each iteration. Yes, we’ve seen the film’s hero go from a arrogant prick to a man who realizes he has more to offer in order to make good on the world. But the use of spiritualism and magic makes it feel a bit fresher, even if the story follows the same template. What also helps is that DOCTOR STRANGE allows our main character to evolve into his own individual character without having to resort to bringing in characters from previous Marvel films. Strange is allowed to grow into his own character without having to rely on recognizable characters, allowing him to carve his own place within this universe. It makes him feel important, as we know he’ll play a massive part in the Infinity War that’s coming up.

I will say that I think the villain issue is becoming a huge problem in these Marvel films. Kaecilius seems to have an interesting arc that’s dying to come out in the narrative, but he’s barely given any screen time. And he’s not given much to do but wave his hands around and open portals, or talk about Dormammu. It’s not much of a role, and he never poses much of a threat. I get that these films are to set up heroes for a greater arc, but you have to give them someone as interesting as they are. Luckily the end credits seem to be setting up something huge for the sequel, so maybe we’ll finally solve this villain deal for once.

The acting is pretty great here. Benedict Cumberbatch is perfect as Stephen Strange, carrying the film strongly on his shoulders with his humor, eagerness, and intelligence. I knew he wouldn’t disappoint. Chiwetel Ejiofor grounds the film as Mordo, bringing a quietness and strength that should lead to interesting things in future installments. Rachel McAdams is always a pleasant surprise, but she’s not given much to do as Christine. She has nice chemistry with Cumberbatch, but not much of a character. Maybe next time. Benedict Wong is great as Wong, playing against type as the stoic librarian. Mads Mikkelsen is great, but not given much as Kaecilius. And Tilda Swinton is fantastic as The Ancient One. I really liked the cast here, even if some needed more to do. But everyone was game and seemed to be having fun, which was great.

DOCTOR STRANGE is a film I wasn’t excited for going in. But after it was done, I wanted to read back issues of the character to learn more about him and his world. Benedict Cumberbatch is perfect as Stephen Strange, as he carries a fairly generic story that’s elevated by a psychedelic and surreal world of mysticism that makes it stand out from other origin stories. The visual effects are top notch, especially during the action sequences. And the actors are game to take part of this magical world. The film still suffers from a villain problem, as Mads Mikkelsen is kind of wasted here. But other than that, DOCTOR STRANGE is one of the stronger films within the MCU.

3.5 Howls Outta 4


Midnight Confessions Ep. 104: "Halloween '16 - 80's bloodsuckers"

Halloween is here and we're celebrating with 2 80's vampire flicks; ONCE BITTEN (1985) and FRIGHT NIGHT (1985). We also discuss the season premiere of The Walking Dead season 7 and Mark reviews the whole HALLOWEEN franchise in 5 minutes. Plus music by Zacherle, Alice Cooper, J. Geils Band, Seraphim Shock, Type O Negative, Tim Curry, Oingo Boingo, King Diamond and more.


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Midnight Confessions Ep. 103: "Would you like cheese on your horror and metal?"

Horror and heavy metal 'should' go together like peanut butter and chocolate...so what the fuck happened here? This week the MC Crew take on two heavy metal tinged horror "classics": ROCKTOBER BLOOD (1984) and BLACK ROSES (1988). I give a review of the new ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW and the new PHANTASM movie is discussed. Plus music by Sorcery, Murderock, Lizzy Borden and ...Sheena Easton?


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Original vs Remake: Cat People (1942 & 1982)

Jacques Tourneur (1942)
Paul Schrader (1982)

Simone Simon (’42)/Nastassja Kinski (’82) - Irena
Kent Smith (’42)/John Heard (’82) - Oliver
Jane Randolph (’42)/Annette O’Toole (’82) - Alice
Tom Conway (’42) - Dr. Louis Reed
Malcolm McDowell (’82) - Paul Gallier
Ruby Dee (’82) - Female
Ed Begley, Jr. (’82) - Joe Creigh

Genre - Horror/Drama/Supernatural/Animals Run Amok

Running Time - 73 Minutes (1942)/118 Minutes (1982)

It’s been quite a while since I’ve done an Original vs. Remake post. Due to lack of time and laziness [sorry about that], I haven’t really treated this segment with as much respect as it deserves. However, thanks to Ryne from The Moon is a Dead World and his Halloween Fifteen, I finally get a chance to resurrect this bad boy. This time around, it’s for 1942’s CAT PEOPLE and its 1982 remake of the same name. Both films deal with the “scary” idea of female sexuality, but executed in completely different ways due to the eras they were released in. And while one film is definitely better than the other, both films are worth a look. Let’s see why both films deserve their nine lives.

Oliver Reed (Kent Smith), an architect and a hopeless romantic, goes to a local zoo and meets the beautiful and mysterious Irena (Simone Simon). Really quickly, the two end up marrying - yet Irena has not consummated the marriage with Oliver. Apparently, Irena comes from Serbian descent and has a big fear that any sort of intimacy will unleash a dormant evil inside of her. Supposedly to legend, her lineage will transform into giant cats if they become angry or sexually aroused. Oliver doesn’t get it, only leading him into the consolation of his co-worker Alice (Jane Randolph) out of frustration and unhappiness with Irena. Irena becomes increasingly jealous, coincidentally leading to a series of events where both Oliver and Alice are attacked by a black leopard. Is it just pure coincidence, or is Irena’s legend coming into fruition?

Irena (Nastassja Kinski) arrives in New Orleans to visit her estranged older brother Paul (Malcolm McDowell) whom she hasn’t seen since childhood. She is soon disgusted by Paul’s lustful interactions with her, especially since they’re family and because she’s a virgin. To escape from this stress, Irena visits the local zoo and asked to join the workforce by zoo curator Oliver (John Heard). She agrees, especially since she has become fascinated by this new panther at the zoo who has been on a killing spree. Paul eventually reveals to Irena that they are the last two of their species - a cursed tribe who are only allowed to mate with each other. If they mate with humans, they’ll turn into giant cats that can only be cured by murder.

The Val Lewton produced CAT PEOPLE is one of the finest horror films ever made. In a lot of ways, it’s probably should be considered the first psychological horror film - more concerned with playing tricks on your mind through shadows and sound, rather than showing us what we may think is going on. Val Lewton and director Jacques Tourneur changed the horror game, getting away from the Universal monsters and putting a more realistic spin while maintaining a supernatural edge.

The story itself really isn’t anything special. The premise that a mysterious person may be able to unleash something more monstrous, and hurt the ones they love because of it, is nothing new even by 1942. In fact, THE WOLF MAN had done it already in 1940. The way it’s executed is a different matter. The social commentary is an interesting one, as it seems to imply the danger of female sexuality. One of the main characters, Dr. Louis Reed, explains that Irena’s delusional tales of turning into a cat-person is because she’s afraid for sex and how it’ll change her once she has it. I’m sure feminists would have been in an uproar if the term had existed back in the early 1940’s, but it adds a memorable layer to the narrative. As the film moves along, you’re left to wonder whether Irena is really cursed, or if it’s all a figment of her imagination. There’s a scene where Irena finds a key in the lock of a panther cage, giving us a few beats until she presents the key to the zookeeper. We notice the cage door may have been a bit loose, meaning there’s a possible predator on the loose. So is the stalker an actual animal, or Irena herself in her primal form? Until the very end, we’re never really sure even when the hints hit us on the head. 

The characters are fairly basic on the surface but add a lot of depth to the story. Irena is exotic and social awkward, making her an interesting character when it comes to her relationships. She quickly falls in love with good guy Oliver, even though she knows she can’t have sex with him and be his wife in the most complete way. She is encountered by women dressed in black, calling her “sister”, almost sensing Irena’s struggle with wanting intimacy. As the film moves along, we watch Irena change from soft-spoken woman to jealous and angry wife, almost becoming “catty” with her rivals. Oliver is a hopeless romantic who is willing to marry a beautiful woman without sleeping with her. How many men would do that today in 2016? His naivety and wanting happiness with a woman who excites him makes you want to root for him, even though we know his idea of romance isn’t exactly realistic. There’s no hope for Oliver and Irena, even though you wish there was for Oliver. At least he has Alice, his co-worker who admits having a crush on him. Yet, Alice never tries to ruin his relationship with Irena, actually trying to help Irena with her issues so she could make Oliver happy. Because she becomes the target of Irena’s anger, Alice is the one who figures it all out and try to save Oliver from his wife. Then we have Dr. Reed, who tries to help Irena, but really lusts after her. It’s as if he finds Irena’s story so bizarre, he wants to test her theories on a personal level, being her first. I think we can guess how well that goes for him. Not a lot of characters in CAT PEOPLE, but they add a lot to the film.

The direction by Jacques Tourneur is pretty fantastic. Tourneur tells us a lot with so little, focusing more on the psychological aspect of filmmaking rather than the visual style of showing us a monster to scare us. CAT PEOPLE is filmed almost like a film noir at times, using the dark and the light to the film’s advantage, showing us things that may or may not be there. Probably the film’s best, and most iconic moment, is when Alice is walking through the park after a meeting with Oliver. Irena has seen the two interact and follows Alice in jealous rage. As Alice walks, we just see her walking with the sound of high-heel footsteps behind her. Then subtly, the footsteps are gone, yet Alice is still being followed. After a suspenseful cat-and-mouse chase, Alice is startled by the hissing of a bus that is making its stop. We then see movement in the trees as Alice is freaked out. But is it just the wind, or cat-Irena? A scene later, where Alice is terrorized by the growling and shadow of a large cat at a swimming pool, only to later reveal Irena just wanting to ask Alice a question, is also presented extremely well. Both scenes present terror in a more emotional and mental manner, rather than a visual one, letting our minds play tricks on us to see things that probably aren’t there. Tourneur is very subtle in his direction, creating a haunting mood that lingers because he doesn’t really show us anything. CAT PEOPLE is a thinking man’s horror movie, which is probably why it has stood the test of time compared to some other horror films of the same period.

The acting in CAT PEOPLE is a bit dated. It’s 1940’s acting that presents itself as more romanticized and stagey, rather than something more natural and improv. But Simone Simon carries herself well as Irena, conveying a layer of mystery while also coming across as sympathetic due to her strange belief. Her struggle to be normal, despite the fact that she feels that normalcy will destroy her relationship with Oliver, is conveyed well. I do feel Kent Smith and Jane Randolph come across as a bit old-timey in their performances, but it works for their characters and for the time. Tom Conway plays Dr. Reed in a semi-lecherous sort of way that I liked. The actors are fine here, even if modern audiences might find the performances a bit hammy.

After the success of 1978’s INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS remake, the idea of a CAT PEOPLE remake was discussed. It was on the back burner until the dual release of two werewolf films - 1981’s THE HOWLING and AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON - both films that displayed incredible transformation effects. Wanting to be different from the original film, director Paul Schrader and writer Alan Ormsby want to showcase some cat transformations, while also destroying any subtlety the original had proudly showcased. While the 1982 remake is definitely of its time and does certain things well, it also proves why sometimes less is more. 

The story takes the same commentary on female sexuality and really hammers it into the audience. We know right away that Irena is a virgin, with her brother Paul leering and lusting after her the moment he lays eyes on her. He stalks her like a cat, and even tries to rape her at one point, almost wanting to destroy her innocence to unleash who she really is. Unlike the original, we know for a fact that Irena and Paul are cat-people who can only mate with each other to keep their animal selves in check. In many ways, Shrader and Ormsby are not just focusing on just female sexuality, but sexuality of both sexes. For Irena and Paul, it leads to dangerous moments where their lust leads to murder. Sex isn’t really a fun thing. It’s a dangerous, evil aspect of our selves that many of us struggle to control. Paul picks up random women and hookers, having sex with them and then killing them to fully satisfy his lust. Irena wants to have sex with Oliver, but knows doing so will lead to something bad that could destroy them. CAT PEOPLE is sexually charged, using its eroticism to tell a dangerous story of how caving in to the pleasures of the flesh will only lead to destruction. While it’s an interesting foundation to base a movie on, it almost feels as if our filmmakers are criticizing human nature. We are sexual creatures, so why punish us for that?

The story also takes away what made the 1942 version work - the subtle nature of the cat legend. What worked there is that we barely saw anything when it came to Irena. Was she a cat? Was she just delusional? Was she maybe a serial killer with an excuse? Until the very end, we had to keep guessing. In the 1982 version, we start with the whole backstory, with how the cat-people tribe would sacrifice people to maintain their race. Paul and Irena actually possess cat-like agility and traits, such as yellow eyes and claws. When a panther murders a prostitute and is later caged, we know right away it’s Paul - especially since Irena is attracted to him in that form. The last act of the film features Irena understanding her ancestry, struggling with her human and cat sides. I shouldn’t complain too much about this, since 1982’s CAT PEOPLE does exactly what a remake should do - take what was established in the original and update it for a modern time. It’s a different take on the same story, which gives it a reason for audiences to watch both versions. But the subtlety still works from the 1942 version very well. And while I get the sexuality of the remake, it seems like it’s more style than substance.

It doesn’t help when classic scenes from the original are redone when they aren’t necessary. The bus and pool scenes are updated for the remake, but without the depth of the original. These scenes added something in the 1942 film, as the mystery elevated these moments. Watching them in the remake makes them seem pointless, especially when we know Irena is really a cat-person. Plus she goes after this version of Alice, who is Oliver’s co-worker and nothing more really. Why would Irena feel threatened by her? Why would she be a target? It’s just done to pay homage to what people remember from the original. But if these scenes were missing, the only things that would be missing are Annette O’Toole’s boobs [as nice as they are]. 

The characters are also lacking in this version as well. Irena and Paul are interesting because they’re cat-people who are forced to commit incest in order to survive and re-populate their race, as they’re the only two left. Irena’s struggle here isn’t as deep as in the original, although watching her confusion and frustration about the truth about her life is pretty good. Paul is purely a predator, who just wants to be with his sister sexually. The other characters, like Oliver and Alice, don’t get to do much but window dress. Oliver could be an interesting character, as the character gets more to do here. But he’s just there because the original had an Oliver, and there needed to be a rival for Paul when it comes to Irena. Alice is just a co-worker. Another character, Female, should have been given more to do since she knows about these cat-people. But she’s barely in the movie. There is so much potential to update all of these characters, but it seems Schrader and Ormsby were more focused on getting people naked.

The special effects by Tom Del Genio, Pat Domenico and Karl Miller are pretty good here. The cat transformations are done well, using editing to show the change for the most part. It’s no AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON, but it’s a nice attempt. I actually thought the death scene of one of the zoo workers was a better effect, where panther Paul rips the arm of Ed Begley, Jr. It looks pretty realistic and adds much needed blood to the modern remake. It’s pretty tame otherwise in terms of gore, but it’s not bad.

The direction by Schrader is more hit than miss. The photography of the film is absolutely stunning. The reds and oranges used for the land of the Cat-People is just strikingly beautiful. Also beautiful - Nastassja Kinski, who Schrader enjoys filming in her clothes and especially out of them. I’m not complaining. She is a gorgeous woman. I think it added an erotically charged atmosphere that audiences for that time were able to accept and to understand. And the use of Giorgio Moroder’s score is just fantastic, with David Bowie’s “Cat People (Putting Out Fire)” being one of his finest hits during the 1980s. I wish the direction was more restrained at times, and maybe had more tension and suspense. But this version of CAT PEOPLE is more of a sex thriller than an actual horror film.

The acting is probably the only real improvement over the original. Nastassja Kinski is not only beautiful, but she captures the innocence of a young woman who struggles with her real identity perfectly. She comes across so innocent, yet there’s a definite sexual energy through her performance that builds and builds towards the film’s end. Malcolm McDowell gives a charged performance as Paul, coming across as a villain who just wants to be loved and lusted by his sister. I wish he was in the film more, but he does well in his limited role. John Heard plays Oliver in a less hopefully romantic way, but more grounded and curious. He and Kinski have comfortable chemistry. Annette O’Toole is cute, but doesn’t really add much to the film really. Ruby Dee is great in her small role as Female, bringing mystery to a too small of a role. And Ed Begley, Jr. is there to be sacrificed for those who lust some blood in their horror. But he’s fine and likable in his short role. It’s a nice cast for a remake that should have pushed the envelope beyond the sexuality.

While both versions of CAT PEOPLE are worth watching for different reasons, I get more out of the original 1942 version over its 1982 remake. The 1942 version takes a “less-is-more” approach that is still very effective today, while the 1982 version is more focused on its sexual energy over telling a more interesting narrative. If you want to feel a chill up and down your spine, stick with the original. If you want to feel a chill in your pants, go with the remake. I respect the remake for taking a different approach about that “dreaded female sexuality” and having good performances. But I’ll take the original any day of the week, as it gives me a lot with so little.


4 Howls Outta 4

2.5 Howls Outta 4



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