10.24.2014

[REC] 2 (2009)

DIRECTED BY
Jaume Balaguero
Paco Plaza


STARRING
Jonathan Mellor - Dr. Owen
Manuela Velasco - Angela Vidal
Javier Botet - Tristana Medieros
Oscar Sanchez - Zafra
Ariel Casas - Larra
Alejandro Casaseca - Martos
Pablo Rosso - Rosso
Andrea Ros - Mire


Genre - Horror/Virus/Zombies/Found Footage

Running Time - 85 Minutes


PLOT
About fifteen minutes after the events of the first [REC], where a Spanish building was quarantined due to a virus that turned the infected into flesh hungry monsters, a SWAT team enters the building with a member from the Ministry of Health to investigate the situation. As they search for blood that will help with a cure, they realize that the virus wasn't just random and it may stem from something much more supernatural in nature.



REVIEW
I've made it very clear that I'm not the biggest fan of this "found footage" trend in horror. As a business decision, it's smart as you'll gain a bigger profit from a cheaper budget. As a product to consume, it's either hit or miss. For some premises, the found footage trend works to the film's benefit as it allows the audience to watch things through the eyes of the characters. Then again, you may have to deal with shaky camera work, bad lighting, and even a lot of repetition. If you've seen one "found footage" film, you most likely seen ninety-five percent of them. However, when the concept works, it really works. 2007's [REC] [later remade for the U.S. as 2008's QUARANTINE] is one of those where the "found footage" aspect really enhanced the subject matter, creating a lot of atmosphere, tension, and even a creep factor most modern horror films lack. [REC] 2 comes close to achieving the same level of success, but it definitely suffers from sequel-itis that brings it down a notch or two.

Good Things: I liked that [REC] 2 continued the story from [REC] minutes after the first film ended. It feels like a throwback to slasher films that would have multiple films occur within the same day, making one feel as if they're watching a larger narrative within separate parts. I also liked how it explained what was the deal with the virus - something that has divided fans of the franchise. Some feel the origin of the virus should have been kept a mystery. I, however, don't mind the explanation, since it takes the film from a standard "virus infection" flick to something with more substance. It puts an interesting twist to a premise that's been done to death, putting a supernatural edge to it. Yeah, it could be a detriment to the rest of the franchise. But at least [REC] 2 tries to differentiate itself from the first film, which I can appreciate and respect.

I also really liked the direction by both Jaume Balaguero and Paco Plaza, who also directed the first film. It looks and feels like a [REC] film, as well as a continuation of the first film without forcing it too much. I also dug the different point of views between the SWAT Team characters, who each had a camera on their helmets to capture different things. The switching between one character to another was pretty flawless and pretty cool. I also thought the film was more action-oriented, with a quicker pace and more brutality. Some folks probably preferred the slower burn of [REC], but I appreciated that [REC] 2 got right into the action and didn't look back.

The acting was also fine for the story at hand. Jonathan Mellor stands out as Dr. Owen, pretty much being the film's lead. Mellor was pretty loud and brash for most of the film, but it fit his character and the secret he hides about his reason to being inside the infected apartment complex. The SWAT Team actors and the child actors all had their moments. And it was nice to see Manuela Velasco return as Angela Vidal, the protagonist of the first film. I really liked her performance as well, and I'm curious where her character goes in [REC] 4: APOCALYPSE.



Bad Things: Even though I thought the acting was fine, I really disliked the new characters introduced in [REC] 2. Yes, all of them. I couldn't care about these new people for multiple reasons. One, there was no real character development for any of them. Sure, [REC] wasn't major on that aspect either, but you really got to learn about those characters by how they dealt with the quarantine and the spread of infection. In [REC] 2, all these characters really do is yell and scream at each other. Plus, they do really dumb things that just irk me. Especially those teen characters, who thought it'd be smart to enter a sealed off area for kicks. I had no sympathy for any of them. All the characters felt different in [REC]. That's not the case here.

Also, there are way too many characters in this film. From the SWAT Team, to Dr. Owen, to the teenagers, to Angela, and to the infected tenants inside of the business - there were just too many people to follow. I get that you need lambs for the slaughter, but at least make them somewhat interesting to dedicate 80 minutes of your film to.

And while I liked the supernatural aspect of the virus, I disliked how each infected victim was a vessel to the person who started the spread of infection. It felt a bit silly and wasn't really necessary at all. If you want to treat the infected as demonic, go right ahead. But when it goes to Pazuzu territory, I start to lose interest. This doesn't happen a whole lot in the film, at least. But when it did, it just felt forced.

THE FINAL HOWL
While not as good as [REC], [REC] 2 still was more hit than miss. If the characters were likeable and kept to a minimum, I probably would have enjoyed it more. But I did like the direction, the twists and explanation of the virus worked for me, and the acting was good considering how annoying the characters were written. I don't think [REC] really needed a sequel, but the first one we got ain't too shabby. One of the better "found footage" films out there, in my opinion. But then again, that's not saying a whole lot.



SCORE
3 Howls Outta 4


10.22.2014

Midnight Confessions Ep. 36: "Everybody's Got A Price"





Join Rev. Phantom, Moronic Mark and I as we review 3 classic Vincent Price films: CRY OF THE BANSHEE (1971), WITCHFINDER GENERAL (1968) and THE LAST MAN ON EARTH (1964).










 


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10.08.2014

Midnight Confessions Ep. 35: "Something funny-ish this way comes"





Join Rev. Phantom, Moronic Mark and I as we review two horror comedies: THE RETURN OF SWAMP THING (1989) and TRANSYLVANNIA 6-5000 (1985). Smell it...it's good.









 


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10.01.2014

Midnight Confessions Ep. 34: "Bad robots doing bad things in bad movies"


Oh the pain! Rev. Phantom, Moronic Mark and I review two cinematic turd stains in the form of R.O.T.O.R (1987) and LADY TERMINATOR (1989). Plus the Top 5 Killer Automations of Cinema. This episode is dedicated to Tubb...he was our buddy.








 


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9.26.2014

[Satan's Screener] Child Bride (1938)


My buddy, Moronic Mark [of Midnight Confessions Podcast fame], has returned after a long hiatus to continue his journey of watching some of the worst films ever to save his soul. Unfortunately, his return is for a film that almost broke Mark - 1938's controversial CHILD BRIDE. Watch as Mark deals with watching this infamous movie in his own quirky way. You're a braver man than I, Mark.

9.24.2014

[80's September] Midnight Confessions Ep. 33: "Michele Soavi Triple Feature"





Join Rev. Phantom, Moronic Mark and I as we review 3 surreal Italian horror classics from director Michele Soavi: STAGEFRIGHT (1987), THE CHURCH (1989) and THE SECT (1991).








 


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9.18.2014

[80's September] Masters of the Universe (1987)

DIRECTED BY
Gary Goddard

STARRING
Dolph Lundgren - He-Man
Frank Langella - Skeletor
Meg Foster - Evil-Lyn
Billy Barty - Gwildor
Courteney Cox - Julie Winston
Robert Duncan McNeill - Kevin Corrigan
Jon Cypher - Duncan (Man-at-Arms)
Chelsea Field - Teela
James Tolkan - Detective Lubic
Christina Pickles - Sorceress of Castle Grayskull


Genre - Action/Adventure/Fantasy

Running Time - 106 Minutes


Anyone who grew up for the majority of the 1980's knows of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe animated show. Prince Adam would raise his Power Sword in the air and turn into the warrior He-Man to protect Eternia and Grayskull from the evil Skeletor. He-Man even had a twin sister named She-Ra, who had a more popular cartoon in the mid-80's, creating a bunch of toys and merchandise that made millions due to children wanting to be part of the phenomenon. Who knew that a failed toy line for 1982's CONAN THE BARBARIAN, which was seen as too violent for children, would create a cash cow for Filmation and Mattel.

Due to the success of the cartoon, it was no surprise that Cannon Films' Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus would produce a live-action movie based on the characters. Cannon Films were pretty successful in the late-70's and early-80's, with their Chuck Norris action flicks, DEATH WISH sequels, and some ninja movies. The mid-80s hurt the studio, as the three-film deal with Tobe Hooper [LIFEFORCE, INVADERS FROM MARS, and THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2] all bombed at the box office. SUPERMAN IV: THE QUEST FOR PEACE was a huge failure in 1987. Cannon figured that putting some decent money into MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE would help rebuild the studio. If CONAN THE BARBARIAN was a hit with adults, MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE would be a hit with children, right? Unfortunately, MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE underperformed, pretty much spelling inevitable doom for Golan and Globus.

I actually watched both SUPERMAN IV: THE QUEST FOR PEACE and MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE back in 1987 in a double feature during their releases weeks apart. I enjoyed both films as a six-years-old, although I think SUPERMAN IV is a piece of crap as an adult. However, MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE, as flawed as it is, still manages to be a pretty fun watch for the most part. Who knew Eternia cheese still holds up 27 years later?

PLOT
On a planet called Eternia, the villainous Skeletor (Frank Langella) has taken the Sorceress of Castle Grayskull (Christina Pickers) hostage to gain some of her universal power. A warrior named He-Man (Dolph Lundgren) and his allies Man-at-Arms (Jon Cypher) and Teela (Chelsea Field) fight off Skeletor's troops to save a trollish inventor called Gwildor (Billy Barty). Gwildor tells He-Man that Skeletor wants to capture him to obtain an invention called the Cosmic Key, which can open portals to any time and/or place by playing musical notes. When ambushed, Gwildor takes He-Man and his allies through a portal, landing on Earth. However during the travel, the Cosmic Key drops somewhere else. Two teenagers (Courteney Cox and Robert Duncan McNeill) find it, thinking it's a Japanese synthesizer, playing certain notes on it. When Skeletor learns of its location, he decides to bring himself and his troops to Earth to retrieve it - leaving He-Man to save the day once again.

REVIEW

I honestly don't remember much about the Filmation cartoons that were about the He-Man or She-Ra characters. So my opinion on this adaptation is probably skewed due to my ability to separate the film from the cartoons. But as a live-action film aimed for children, MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE doesn't do that bad of a job. The main issue with it is that Golan and Globus planned for something much more epic, like STAR WARS or SUPERMAN. But MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE never comes close to reaching that due to budget and narrative constraints. But I don't think it's as terrible as its reputation would have you believe.

Like I mentioned earlier, the story is a mixed bag for MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE. Fans of the cartoon will dislike it since it changes certain aspects of the character. For one, he's never known as Prince Adam here. He-Man never needs the Power Sword to transform into a great warrior. Hell, He-Man barely even uses his Power Sword here, relying more on laser guns that seem out of character. He-Man's Battle Cat friend, Cringer, is nowhere to be seen unfortunately. No Orko either! BOO! And probably the worst thing is that Eternia is only in the beginning and the finale of the film, with the film taking place mainly on Earth rather than a more special setting that would make the film stand out. In fact, the only thing we really see of Eternia is Skeletor's castle, which looks as generic as one would aspect. I get that there was budget restraints and screenwriter David Odell had to focus on the Earth scenes because they would be cheaper to film. But because of the majority of the setting, it doesn't really feel like a genuine MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE film. It feels like a regular fantasy/sci-fi film with He-Man characters in it.

And while the Earth stuff isn't really all that bad if you give it a chance, I'm not a fan of the film focusing more on the teenagers and the bumbling cops rather than He-Man and Skeletor. I get that the Kevin and Julie characters were added in to have the younger audience identify with someone in the movie. But you're telling me a Swedish buff dude in a codpiece fighting a charismatic skeleton wouldn't bring in an audience?? What kind of world were we living in 1987? Seriously, I can see where Michael Bay found inspiration for the human characters in his TRANSFORMERS franchise. The only difference is that Kevin and Julie are actually likeable characters, who shouldn't be in the story, are at least useful and some way. And Lubic, our skeptic cop friend, is your typical cop who doesn't believe in lasers and talking skeletons even when he's looking at them. But I do dig the accent.


But still, this film should be about He-Man vs. Skeletor! And we barely even get that. Hell, they were only in like one-third of the film to begin with. At least in a TRANSFORMERS film, I see Transformers. You could barely call this a He-Man adaptation. And don't get me started on Gwildor and his Cosmic Key. What can I say? Trolls are big in the 1980s. And he is quite decent as the comic relief. Plus, the idea of the Cosmic Key is cool, Too bad it looked like a Japanese synthesizer.

But I can definitely say that the narrative is fine for what it is. It's not He-Man, but at least it tells a fairly entertaining and easy story to follow. You got some good action sequences, like the music store set-piece and the attack on the city where He-Man rides a hoverboard. You got some decent romance between Kevin and Julie, Skeletor and Evil-Lyn, and Gwildor and the Cosmic Key. You got Teela wearing a tight outfit [growl]. And there is some genuinely humorous stuff going on in the film. I can't fault a film whose heart is in the right place. SUPERMAN IV felt like a cash cow. MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE is a cash cow trying to be a good movie. It just didn't have the right budget and the right way to bring the cartoon to life to make it happen.

The special effects in MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE are pretty dated now. But even so, I thought there was an actual budget put into this film, sort of creating a charming time capsule of 1980's visual effects. We get laser beams. We get explosions. We get characters dissolving out of thin air. We get green screen with He-Man riding a hoverboard through Los Angeles, and Skeletor and his army entering through time portals. The real good stuff comes with Eternia, with some FLASH GORDON inspired sets and costumes, especially Skeletor's gold costume that many dislike, but I actually enjoy quite a bit. Speaking of Skeletor, I think the make-up and costume for the character is pretty near-perfect. Back in 1987, I thought the live-action Skeletor looked great. And I still believe that in 2014. Michael Westmore did some great make-up effects on MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE.

The acting is what it is. Dolph Lundgren's acting may not be stellar, due to the fact that the script doesn't really give him much to do. But I still feel he was the perfect casting choice for the He-Man character for the time. He had a lot of momentum going for him, especially from 1985's ROCKY IV. I just wish he was allowed to act in a better scripted film. Courteney Cox has her acting debut here as Julie, and she's cute and not that bad here. Robert Duncan McNeill, best known for playing Tom Paris on Star Trek: Voyager, is pretty good as well. Meg Foster looks villainously fetching as Evil-Lyn and plays evil well. Jon Cypher and Chelsea Field do what they can as Man-at-Arms and Teela. Billy Barty is a bit humorous as Gwildor, a character you can either take or leave. And James Tolkan seems to be having fun as Detective Lubic.

But MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE belongs to Frank Langella, who brings a theatrical vibe to the role of Skeletor. Langella takes the role completely seriously, having a ball playing the villain, and hamming it up. If Langella wasn't in the role, I think MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE would be a disaster acting-wise. But Langella, who did the role for his children, brings a classic cartoon villain to life perfectly. I wish there was more of him in the film, but when he is on, he's fantastic.

By the way, what was up with those cheap looking SUPERMAN-like credits and score? That's how you try and stand on your own two feet - copying a more popular franchise in a different key. Oh well.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE HAVING THE POWER OF GREYSKULL

- Any foe of Skeletor is a friend of He-Man and his allies. I had no idea so many hated Lara Flynn Boyle.

- He-Man would rather shoot his gun than swing his sword. While this may work in battle, He-Man's girlfriend is probably unsatisfied in bed.

- Julie was attacked by Skeletor's monstrous forces inside of a school, only to be saved by He-Man. While this entire scene was taken seriously, it's still funnier than any episode of Friends.

- Skeletor and Evil-Lyn have a long thang going on. Then again, Skeletor's probably the perfect guy who can give good bone.

- Evil-Lyn and her forces broke in and destroyed a music store that bought and sold instruments. Considering claims that rock is dead, I think Skeletor is really Gene Simmons.

- Julie was tricked to give Evil-Lyn, who looked like her dead mother, the Cosmic Key. Nice to see Ghostface evolve his M.O. That's more convincing than just using a voice changer to sound like Sidney Prescott.

- To save his friends, He-Man willingly let himself be Skeletor's slave back in Eternia. Man, what a drag...oh.

THE FINAL HOWL
While it's not a great film, MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE still manages to be silly fun for the most part. I can see the critics' point of view - it doesn't adapt the Filmation cartoon all that well, the teen angle takes away from the He-Man stuff, and Golan and Globus' budget couldn't match the epic scale they had planned for it. But for what it is, it has decent action sequences, cool costumes, an easy to follow narrative, and fantastic acting from Frank Langella as Skeletor. The film may not have the power of Greyskull, but it's an 80's time capsule worth playing the Cosmic Key to see every once in a while. A bad fun time.



SCORE
2.5 Howls Outta 4



9.17.2014

Midnight Confessions Ep. 32: "Rock N Roll Cinema"


This week Rev. Phantom, Moronic Mark and I review ROCK N ROLL HIGH SCHOOL (1979) and KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK (1978). Plus a discussion on rock star cameos.







 


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9.12.2014

[80's September] Cobra (1986)

DIRECTED BY
George P. Cosmatos

STARRING
Sylvester Stallone - Lieutenant Marion 'Cobra' Cobretti
Brigitte Nielsen - Ingrid Knudsen
Reni Santoni - Sergeant Tony Gonzales
Andrew Robinson - Detective Monte
Brian Thompson - The Night Slasher
Lee Garlington - Nancy Stalk
Art LaFleur - Captain Sears


Genre - Action/Thriller/Slasher

Running Time - 87 Minutes


PLOT
Random killings have been happening, to which the media has nicknamed the killer (Brian Thompson) "The Night Slasher". A cynical police lieutenant named Marion Cobretti, aka Cobra (Sylvester Stallone), is a member of the Zombie Squad - a unit of officers that take on the toughest and dangerous jobs other cops refuse to do. Although Detective Monte (Andrew Robinson) wants things done on the up-and-up, Cobra wants to break some rules to catch the culprit. When a model, Ingrid Knudsen (Brigitte Nielsen), is a witness to one of the Night Slasher's crimes, Cobra decides to protect her, hoping the Night Slasher makes himself known so Cobra can strike.


REVIEW

Since this is 80's September, you knew I had to discuss the action genre of the decade. Big explosions, gory violence, and cool one-liners were the tropes for most action films of the 1980's. There were many action stars during this period - Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Chuck Norris, Dolph Lundgren, and so on. One of the more popular action stars was Academy Award nominated actor/writer/director Sylvester Stallone. While Stallone was mostly successful for his ROCKY and RAMBO films, Stallone did manage to dabble in other lesser-known works. One of these is 1986's COBRA - a Golan & Globus production for Cannon Films that, despite being number one at the domestic box office in its opening weekend, was considered a flop for Stallone until international numbers proved otherwise. COBRA isn't one of the action genre's finest works technical and narrative wise. But it has a certain charm that makes it one of the most watchable action films of the 1980's.

Let me get it out of the way: COBRA is a terrible movie. Despite the rating I'll eventually give it, COBRA really is a piece of crap in so many ways. This is a film that is void of plot, character development, acting, common sense, and other things a decent film would possess. Yet, it still manages to be a fun time. Why is the Night Slasher killing people? Why does he have an army? Why does Cobra eat pizza with scissors? Why does Cobra grill his newspaper? Why does Ingrid's hair change in every major scene? And how does one man kill a bunch of bad dudes, but none of these dudes can hit Cobra during a gun fight? It makes no lick of sense and deserves to be found at the bottom of a barrel. But the film has this weird charm about it that just makes it so entertaining and memorable.

The screenplay, written by Sylvester Stallone, was adapted from Paula Gosling's novel, Fair Game - which also became its own film in 1995 with William Baldwin and Cindy Crawford. While both films are crap, at least COBRA is unintentionally funny at times and has some good action going for it. What I wrote in the plot synopsis is pretty much the entire film summed up. The Night Slasher and his crew are just bizarre. We don't really know their motives to their murders, other than they do it because they despise the current state of society and consider themselves hunters. I don't know what that even means, but I guess we'll go with it. The attraction between Cobra and Ingrid comes out of nowhere, not feeling natural at all. I couldn't buy that these two were into each other, and they were MARRIED IN REAL LIFE!

And the dialogue... wow.

Supermarket Killer: "Get back! I got a bomb here! I'll blow this whole place up!"
Cobra: "Go ahead. I don't shop here."

(points gun at Supermarket Killer)
Cobra: "You're the disease, and I'm the cure."

Night Slasher: "The court is civilized, isn't it pig?"
Cobra: "But I'm not. This is where the law stops and I start - sucker!"

There are more of these gems in the film. The thought of anyone in real life speaking to someone like this just makes me laugh. Oh COBRA...


The biggest theme behind COBRA is this political agenda that pretty much question the idea of justice in 1980's America. Apparently, Stallone felt that courts felt that police officers were too easy on the criminals they were hunting, as well as this insane idea that the media took to criminals and serial killers as heroes and/or victims. While the glorification of serial killers may be true, does the media really treat them as victims? There's one scene in the first act of the film where reporters criticize Cobra for killing a man who pretty much murdered people and took hostages inside of a supermarket. In what world would this actually happen?? Now if the supposed suspect was unarmed or there was evidence that he wasn't doing anything wrong, then sure. But the man had witnesses who saw him shoot people and attempt to bomb the place. And the cop is the bad guy??? And the police captain has issue with Cobra for DOING HIS FUCKING JOB! I can't believe Stallone actually wrote that shit in there because it makes no sense. While it's true that police brutality exists and unfortunate circumstances happen to innocent people believed guilty, it makes no sense within this context when the cop was actually a hero and the killer was actually a violent psychopath. It's not sounding smart. It's looking like a total idiot in this case.

I also found it funny that the Night Slasher hunted down Ingrid because she saw him and some of his crew killing a woman inside a car while she drove by. I get that he would want to get rid of her to protect his identity. But this dude and his crew went WAY far and beyond. They found her license plate, knew where she worked, what room in a hospital she was admitted to, and a whole bunch of information. While it's probably not implausible, it just felt like they targeted this woman for more than just accidentally driving past them. It wasn't like she got all that good of a look anyway! It was a funny sub-plot, but baffling at the same time.

At least the action is pretty solid, thanks to director George P. Cosmatos. The opening scene within the supermarket is one of the more memorable action set-pieces of the 1980s. It's pretty humorous, but at the same time, very well done in terms of shots, location, and pacing. There's also a great action scene in the middle of the film that's probably 10-15 minutes long, where Cobra is being chased down by the Night Slasher's crew in a car. He drives one-handed while shooting a machine gun in the other. There are a lot of explosions, people getting shot to shit, and some nice stunt driving with 180 handbrake turns that are pretty thrilling to watch. I also love that Cosmatos adds a slasher flick type of vibe to some of the scenes, especially where it concerns Ingrid. When Ingrid is recuperating at the hospital and the Night Slasher, in disguise, stalks and attempts to kill her, there is some nice tension and suspense going on. It's a dark, gritty action film that blends into the horror genre at times, making COBRA an interesting film in the decade of excess. Say what you want about the script, but Cosmatos direction and immaculate use of every action film trope you can think of [this film pretty much has them all in play here] is some good stuff.


The acting is better than expected. Sylvester Stallone has done better work before and since COBRA, but he's pretty chill as the DIRTY HARRY [ironically both Andrew Robinson and Reni Santoni were in that very film in 1971] wannabe badass cop. I'm sure critics took his monotone, stoic delivery as an actor who didn't give a crap about this role or this film. But something about it makes the Cobra character cooler, with Stallone only using facial expressions and body language to convey messages whenever he's not uttering a one-liner. Sly's then-wife, Brigitte Nielsen, is pretty terrible in this though. Not like she was a good actress to begin with, as she was hired for her looks. But I was more interested in her hair style than what she was going to do or say. That's not good. Reni Santoni is pretty funny as Gonzales, Cobra's partner. Santoni had great buddy-cop chemistry with Sly. Brian Thompson, looking scary as usual, is pretty good as the Night Slasher. He doesn't say a whole lot until the end, but the man has a chilling presence about him. Andrew Robinson plays the asshole captain perfectly. Besides Nielsen, the cast isn't half-bad at all.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE DRIVING MY "AWSOM 50" CAR

- "You're the disease. And I'm the cure." Cobra is the penicillin of police officers.

- Detective Monte didn't want Cobra to investigate this latest string of serial killings. I guess that's why Jesus wept...

- Ingrid's photographer wanted to have sex with her. Unless his name was Sly or Flavor, he was out of luck.

- The Night Slasher murdered some of the hospital staff in order to stalk and kill Ingrid. Nice to see Haddonfield Memorial hadn't changed much in the 8 years since the last massacre.

- Cobra carries a bunch of grenades wherever he goes. Surprisingly, none of them were from the Jersey Shore.

- Cobra showed some MORTAL KOMBAT: ANNIHILATION when he defeated the Night Slasher at the end. What a weak, pathetic fool. All too easy.

THE FINAL HOWL

There are two ways of looking at COBRA. You can either hate it for taking itself seriously, realizing that the screenplay is stupid and its an 87-minute action cliche wrapped in misguided statements about police officers and the justice system that don't work within the film's story. Or you can love it for its one-liners, entertaining action and acting, and AWSOM 50 soundtrack cheese. While I do feel the political agenda of the film was a mistake, I pretty much dig COBRA for everything else. It's a terrible film that will never bore you with its unintentional comedy and silly premise that blends action and slasher film elements pretty well. It's funny, violent, well paced, and has a lot of charm that most films these days would die for. While COBRA isn't a disease or a cure, it'll definitely sooth the pain away for a while.


SCORE
3.5 Howls Outta 4




Trailer


Robert Tepper - "Angel of the City"

9.10.2014

[80's September] Midnight Confessions Ep. 31: "Cheese...In...SPACE!"





This week a healthy Rev. Phantom, a sleep deprived Moronic Mark, and a pretty sick yours truly review a triple feature of cheesy delights; CONTAMINATION (1980), INSEMINOID (1981) and FORBIDDEN WORLD (1982).







 


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