Black Sabbath (1963)

DIRECTED BY

Mario Bava

STARRING

Boris Karloff - Gorca

Susy Andersen - Sdenka

Mark Damon - Count Vladimir D’Urfe

Michele Mercier - Rosy

Lidia Alfonsi - Mary

Jacqueline Pierreux - Helen Chester

Milly Monti - The Maid

Genre - Horror/Supernatural/Anthology

Running Time - 93 Minutes

PLOT

Three short tales of supernatural horror. In “The Telephone,” a woman is plagued by threatening phone calls. In “The Wurdalak,” a family is preyed upon by vampiric monsters. In “The Drop of Water,” a deceased medium wreaks havoc on the living.

REVIEW

I wanted to review something classic for the first review of the year and I figured it’s been a while since I tackled anything from Italian director Mario Bava. It’s also been forever since I’ve done a review for an anthology movie. So why not just do both and review Mario Bava’s 1963 anthology BLACK SABBATH?

BLACK SABBATH is known for a few things. It’s the only film where Boris Karloff, best known as Universal Studios’ Frankenstein’s Monster, played a vampire. The title of the film is probably better known as the inspiration for one of the greatest heavy metal bands to have ever existed, as long as a song of the same name. BLACK SABBATH also inspired Quentin Tarantino when it came to the narrative structure of a little known 1994 film called PULP FICTION. Who knew a film that many horror audiences don’t really talk about a whole lot about these days would be so influential in pop culture? The real question is - is BLACK SABBATH any good?

BLACK SABBATH is made up of three different horror segments that don’t relate to the other. There’s no real wrap around story besides Boris Karloff acting silly as the film’s host. But each of the stories varies in quality, but all are worth a look.

For this review, I watched the original Italian version [the stories are in a different order in the International dubbed version].

"The Telephone"

Probably the film’s worst segment, "The Telephone" is still a watchable half hour due to the use of strong tension and suspense throughout. The story is pretty much centered on Rosy, who receives threatening phone calls by who she believes is an ex-lover who is supposedly dead. The segment plays out as a short giallo film that contains twists and turns that make you rethink what’s really going on. 

I’m not sure if this is the first horror film that really focused on using a telephone as a scary device to drive a story forward. But I’m sure it influenced other horror films since, like BLACK CHRISTMAS, WHEN A STRANGER CALLS and SCREAM to name a few. The segment is also set in a single location, making it feel like a stage play that was shot on film. While Bava brings a ton of suspense and tension throughout, especially as the segment gets nearer to the end where things just fall apart for all the characters involved, there’s nothing really dynamic or memorable compared to the other two stories. Characters aren’t really fleshed out and things happen a bit too easily to keep the narrative flowing. The only real interesting aspect was Rosy and her friend Mary implying some sort of lesbian relationship, which was taken out of the International Versions of BLACK SABBATH.

That being said, the direction does what it needs to do and has the classic tropes of a giallo. And the actors involved do a good job bringing the story to life. But unfortunately, there’s just not enough going on here as a whole to make it stand out from the rest of the segments.

"The Wurdulak"

"The Wurdulak" is an entertaining segment that deals with Slavic vampires that destroy a family from within. It stars Boris Karloff as the patriarch who has been afflicted by this vampiric disease, manipulating and terrorizing his naive family into becoming part of his Wurdulak clan. And despite an Italian dub over his voice, Karloff’s performance carries the story as he looks creepy and sickly in front of his relatives who know he’s a threat but are afraid to do anything about it out of loyalty. His body language and his many close-ups, especially on his yellowish eyes, really carries a level of dread that permeates throughout the segment from start to finish.

The story is memorable due to the fact that it follows a different type of vampire that’s not really used a whole lot on film. While you still have the traditional vampire bite marks on the neck, having to be invited inside a location and the transfer of the disease through feeding on blood, there are different elements at play. There’s an assumption that the curse leaves the body after five days if you don’t feed. Wooden stakes don’t seem necessary to kill a Wurdulak, as any sword or dagger would do - especially if it’s used to decapitate the creature. And the Wurdulak just seems focused on drinking blood without any sort of sexual aspect and hypnotism at play. I think a full feature would have worked for this story, just to understand the differences between a Wurdulak and a common vampire most of us are familiar with.

The only negative aspect happens to be a tacked on love story that plays into the finale of the segment. Vampire stories usually involve romance, but this one comes out of nowhere. Two characters meet and just fall in love with no build at all. I don’t care about this angle or any of the characters, so this subplot didn’t work for me at all.

What does work is that the acting is very good. And Mario Bava’s direction is just wonderful here. It reminds me of a Corman-Poe feature of the 1960s, with incredible cinematography capturing a Gothic landscape that feels like a character all its own. Colors pop and a sense of terror slowly builds, especially when a child is endangered [which creates chaos both visually and storywise]. The use of lighting, shadows and camera angles just create a visually stunning segment. 

"The Drop of Water"

The final segment is "The Drop of Water", a really fun segment that involves a caregiver who steals a ring from a medium who has passed away. Thinking she’s gotten away with her crime, strange things begin happening to her - possibly from beyond the grave. It’s the most supernatural segment of the three, with a use of special effects and visual style that makes it the favorite of the three stories [although I prefer "The Wurdulak"].

Personally, I feel "The Drop of Water" is the creepiest of the three stories. That’s mainly due to the sound design, which is strongly used to convey a level of dread and uneasiness throughout the segment. There’s this constant sound of dripping water that’s heard from beginning to end, creating tension and anxiety.

There’s also the beauty of the visuals. The corpse of the medium is pretty frightening, appearing with a creepy smile when you least expect it. There’s also a great use of lighting, with neon colors becoming prominent as the haunting increases. It’s obvious Dario Argento’s color palette was inspired by this portion of the film.

The acting is quite good in the segment as well. But it’s overshadowed by the cool visuals and strong sound design that raises the fear factor. I wish the segment was longer to focus more on the narrative, as it’s a bit too simple. But it’s a nice conclusion to a fun anthology.

THE FINAL HOWL

While not the greatest horror anthology out there, Mario Bava’s BLACK SABBATH is a master class of style in terms of its presentation, even if some of the stories presented aren’t as dynamic as the direction and cinematography. The film looks more beautiful and grows more atmospheric with each segment, capturing tension and genuine creepiness as each story plays out. Boris Karloff manages to steal the spotlight any time he appears, although the rest of the actors do fine in their roles.

None of the segments are terrible, but some are weaker than others. "The Telephone" has a great concept and carries a lot of giallo tropes, but its one location set up doesn’t allow a ton of style visually. "The Wurdulak" has a great story about Slavic vampires that manages to be creepy and shows how fallible human beings are, despite a love story that doesn’t really work since it comes out of nowhere. And "The Drop of Water" has the most stylish and terrifying visuals involving a corpse that enjoys popping up when you least expect it, despite not much of a story due to its shorter runtime. 

Still, BLACK SABBATH is a must see for anyone who enjoys horror anthologies that especially feel like those old EC comics from back in the day. I’m sure children of the grave and iron men will get a kick out of this one.

SCORE

3 Howls Outta 4

(8 out of 10)

Into the Dark: Culture Shock (2019)

DIRECTED BY

Gigi Saul Guerrero

STARRING

Martha Higareda - Marisol

Richard Cabral - Santo

Barbara Crampton - Betty

Felipe de Lara - Oscar Molina

Creed Bratton - Attwood

Shawn Ashmore - Thomas

Genre: Horror/Thriller/Science Fiction

Running Time: 91 Minutes

PLOT

This thriller follows a young Mexican woman (Martha Higareda) in pursuit of the American Dream, who crosses illegally into the United States, only to find herself in an American nightmare.

REVIEW

Since I'm pretty much ending the Lunar Cycle posts for the time being, I figured it was time that even the Hulu Into the Dark reviews would get their own posts. And besides the post for GOOD BOY, which was an Animal Summer 2020 themed review to begin with, I’m kind of glad that CULTURE SHOCK gets its own spotlight since I consider it the best Into the Dark installment that I’ve watched so far since I started last October. Is it perfect? No. But it does have something important to say, even if it loses it’s way somewhat by the film’s end.

CULTURE SHOCK is one of the more relevant entries in the anthology’s history so far, as it deals with xenophobia, illegal immigration, and a look at the American Dream and how real it is to achieve it. I know a lot of people are tired of politics and how it has divided a lot of us unfortunately, but it’s still a topic that should be discussed if done in the proper, open-minded way. The last few years, especially, have put a spotlight on the immigration debate and what’s the right way to handle the situation. 

So I appreciated CULTURE SHOCK in tackling the topic from an immigrant’s point of view. While not a horror film in terms of jump scares, I’m sure it’s a terrifying situation for anyone put in that position, wondering if America will help them achieve their dreams or just disillusion them to the point where regrets will be felt. The film takes the topic and approaches it as a STEPFORD WIVES and GET OUT sort of tale, taking away one’s former identity and culture and turning it into the “American Way” where people have to act a certain and dress a certain way in order to fit in. The world of CULTURE SHOCK tells us that the American Dream is one of conformity, where one misstep will give you the wrong kind of attention and make you feel treated as an outcast. We live our lives in a pattern. We wake up, drink coffee, go to work. come home, eat dinner, watch television and then go to sleep to repeat the cycle all over again. Only those who break that rhythm manage to get ahead of the others. But only the white folk in this movie seem to have the power, with jobs in politics and education, while the illegal immigrants are the workers who build the towns and help set up the Fourth of July celebration. The main character, Marisol, realizes that her old life in Mexico would grant her the same opportunities that it would in America. She’s the only character who sees the class and color difference in this American utopia created for the film. That’s makes her a threat to be eliminated.

I think the best part of CULTURE SHOCK is that it doesn’t let the political angle overshadow the story itself. Yes, it’s the driving force of the film, but the filmmakers never hammer you in the head with it. The film is subtle and slowly unveils the message and what’s really going on with Marisol and the rest of the Mexicans who were captured at the border who are suddenly acting like pod people. It takes that common idea of people thinking immigrants needing to learn the language and embracing the new culture and norms of the country they’ve tried so hard to enter into, wondering what the point is if they don’t bother. We watch this PLEASANTVILLE scenario where people have assimilated by dressing the same, greeting each other the same, and even eating pizza and hamburgers like gluttons the same. Instead of freedom, it just feels like a programmed assembly line of what some believe America to be. It’s so manufactured, it’s accepted because it’s the easiest way to conform with the least drama.

And it wouldn’t be an Into the Dark feature without some sort of horror/sci-fi tinged aspect. There’s a reason why all these immigrants are all acting the same way, as they’re stuck in an experimental simulation in some underground bunker at the U.S.-Mexico border by a xenophobic scientist believing he’s solving the issue of illegal immigration. So there are moments where it feels like GROUNDHOG DAY, where days repeat for Marisol with different scenarios playing out depending on what she does. And we see occasional glitches and even a force field that makes Marisol realize she’s living in a bubble rather than the real world. It shows that even when a world is perfect [maybe too perfect], there’s still something missing. A lot of people believe that style is everything, but a lot of us prefer to have that substance along with it. The American Dream is a great idea, but if you have to act like everyone else to achieve it, is it worth it?

The film isn’t perfect though. While the first act is interesting with its setup to leave Mexico for a better life in America at the border and the second act is inviting with its false Americana portrayal, the more science fiction third act doesn’t feel as thrilling or as satisfying as it should really. The escape from the lab seems a bit too easy, as it feels clumsy and a bit forced because Into the Dark is a horror anthology and horror aspects need to be implemented to fit the series. It’s definitely ambitious though, with some decent action and character moments. And I really liked the last couple of minutes of CULTURE SHOCK. But considering what Marisol and the others went through, I was expecting more of a punch. It’s fine for what it is, but the first two acts are so strong, the final act kind of pales in comparison and feels old-hat. I found the political stuff more interesting than the horror aspect, but maybe someone else will feel differently.

What doesn’t feel old-hat is Gigi Saul Guerrero’s direction. As a co-screenwriter for the film, Guerrero knows actually where she wants to take CULTURE SHOCK, expressing her opinion of the whole immigration and American Dream issues that have taken over society for the last few years in a big way. Her direction is very confident and very subtle as well, never showing off too much to be flashy, but leading the audience in a visual direction that feels natural and captivating enough to keep us invested. 

I think what I liked the most about Guerrero’s direction is how each act looks and feels different from the other. The first act in Mexico has this sepia tone that shows how drab Marisol believes her life there is. It’s also shot hand-held style, which added a bit of grittiness to this part of the film, which added to the tense situation of hiring people to help Marisol out of the country and towards the border where the characters not only have to deal with Border Police, but the Mexican Cartel as well messing things up for them. The second act is the more Technicolor portion of Marisol’s “American Dream”, with bright colors and this creepy characterization of what Apple Pie America was portrayed for many decades in the media until the late 1960s changed all that. Instead of being hand-held, the shots are all static and filmed like an old TV family sitcom. The third act is back to the hand-held, gritty style but with a splash of color here and there. It also has some decent gore moments with people getting stabbed to death and even a bullet to the head moment. It’s also shot with a quicker pace to accentuate the tension of the lab escape and having the characters decide whether going to America is still the plan or not. I definitely want to see more of Guerrero’s stuff because she definitely has a vision and a voice that we could use more in any genre.

The acting is really great as well - probably the best acting I’ve seen in the first season of Into the Dark. Martha Higareda carries the film with super confidence as Marisol, our eyes and ears to this whole ordeal.  She plays every emotional beat naturally and believably. Marisol deals with a lot of traumatic stuff during the entire film and Higareda handles it really well. She also has this strength from the start that just grows. It’s really nice to see and it helps us root for her. It helps that she’s aided by a wonderful supporting cast - including horror legend Barbara Crampton playing a Stepford Wife type with cold, stunning eyes, Shawn Ashmore playing the Mayor of the American utopia with an underlying edge that slowly gets revealed and American Crime’s Richard Cabral as a bad boy immigrant who befriends Marisol and helps her to escape the entire situation. All actors are committed and I bought the entire thing.

THE FINAL HOWL

I’ve been kind of on a roll with these Into the Dark installments lately, as CULTURE SHOCK may be the best of the lot that I’ve seen so far. While more of a political allegory than a standard horror/sci-fi movie, the themes presented here about illegal immigration, and this idea of the “American Dream” and how it may not be achievable by everyone who lives in America, are presented in a subtle, interesting way that had me invested from beginning to end. The use of taking elements from other films, like PLEASANTVILLE, GET OUT and THE STEPFORD WIVES, adds to this theme that sometimes a dream is just that and reality hits us in the face so hard that we start to realize that things aren’t usually what they seem at all. And CULTURE SHOCK works that well, thanks to director and co-writer Gigi Saul Guerrero’s voice and vision. The actors - especially Martha Higareda, Barbara Crampton, Shawn Ashmore and Richard Cabral - carry the film strongly on their shoulders and help elevate a controversial theme and make it accessible and understandable to those on both sides of the issue. The final act brings the film down a bit due to the horror and science fiction aspects feeling a bit forced [it’s an Into the Dark installment, after all]. But overall, CULTURE SHOCK is a really good socio-political thriller that has something to say for an audience with a hopefully open mind.

SCORE

3 Howls Outta 4

Midnight Confessions Ep. 117: "Stephen King Month Part 2"

The MC crew continue to celebrate the film adaptations of Stephen King this month with reviews of MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE (1986), CHRISTINE (1983) and CREEPSHOW (1982). Plus music by George Thorogood & The Destroyers, AC/DC, John Harrison and 2 new songs from Murderock's upcoming album, Danse Macabre.




 

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Midnight Confessions Ep. 116: "Stephen King Month Part 1"

This month MC crew are celebrating the film adaptations of Stephen King. STAND BY ME (1986), CAT'S EYE (1985) and THE RUNNING MAN are the featured films this episode. Also, because this podcast tends to be a real sausagefest most of the time, we're are joined once again by Amanda for a female perspective on STAND BY ME.

Plus music by Phantom Five, Ben E. King, Poison, The Damned and The Shades.




 

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Lunar Cycle #2: Silver Bullet (1985)/ Rise of the Zombies (2012)/ Escape Plan (2013)/ The Telling (2009)

This new section of the blog is due to me being lazy, I mean swamped with watching so many films that I want to discuss on this blog. But I don't really have the time, so I decided to quickly [well as much as I can really] to review films I don't really want to focus too much time on. You'll be seeing these more often than not. Time for the reviews!

DIRECTED BY
Daniel Attias

STARRING
Corey Haim - Marty Coslaw
Megan Follows - Jane Coslaw
Gary Busey - Uncle Red
Everett McGill - Reverend Lowe
Terry O'Quinn - Sheriff Joe Haller
Bill Smitrovich - Andy Fairton

Genre - Horror/Drama/Werewolves

Running Time - 94 Minutes


In 1976, the town of Tarker's Mills is horrified by a series of recent, and really violent murders. Sheriff Joe Haller (Terry O'Quinn) tries to figure out who's behind this, but only makes the townspeople frustrated when no answers are found.

Meanwhile, wheelchair-bound Marty Coslaw (Corey Haim) is enjoying life, especially since his Uncle Red (Gary Busey) has given him a wheelchair that's built with a motor. One night, Marty sneaks out the house to set off some fireworks, only to be attacked by a feral creature. Marty defends himself by firing one of the rockets into the werewolf's eye. After telling his sister Jane (Megan Follows) about the werewolf attack and how it relates to the murders in town, she and Marty begin to do their own investigation - looking for a local with only one eye.
 

REVIEW
The 1980s were pretty damn kind to lycanthropes in cinema. And while SILVER BULLET, based on Stephen King's novella "Cycle of the Werewolf", isn't as memorable or as good as AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON or THE HOWLING, it's still a decent time.

The story is the film's strongest aspect. The Coslaw Family dynamic grips you. Jane, the older sister, is bitter and frustrated by how the family babies Marty due to his crippled state. Although she feels bad for taking out her anger on him for something he has no control over, the sibling tension is there until the two work together to find the werewolf. The parents worry about Uncle Red's influence on Marty, who is really close to Red. It doesn't help that Red is extremely eccentric, not known for his committment when it comes to relationships, and the fact that he's a bit of an alcoholic. There's some interesting family relationships going on here.

The mystery is also strong, as the murders pile up, making much of the town lose hope in finding the culprit. Once Marty and Jane figure out who it is, things get really tense and suspenseful. One scene in particular, with Marty being chased by the murderer/werewolf on the road and on a bridge, is pretty chilling. The final act is also pretty great too, with the werewolf wanting revenge on Marty and his family at their home. While the werewolf is easy to figure out if you've seen a bunch of these flicks, the journey getting to the revelation and its aftermath is definitely worth it.

The acting is pretty good as well. Corey Haim is great as the young, rebellious Marty, creating a watchable young hero. Gary Busey is just plain fun as the wild Uncle Red, having a blast in the role due to some great dialogue. Everett McGill is pretty intense as Reverend Lowe. And we get some nice short roles from Terry O'Quinn and Bill Smitrovich.

However, the special effects aren't that great. Compared to those in AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON and THE HOWLING, both released in 1981, it's sort of disappointing to see how lame these effects are four years later. The werewolf costume in particular is pretty goofy looking, appearing as just a guy in a really cheap wolf outfit. I'm surprised that Caro Rambaldi, who also did E.T., was behind this aspect. Maybe it was a limited budget or lack of inspiration, but the disappointing wolf effects make SILVER BULLET less scary and more funny.

The direction by Daniel Attias is decent, but not visually memorable in any sort of way. The pacing is great though, and Attias does give the film some nice tension during the chase scene and during the final act of the film. The visuals are nothing special, but still an okay job.

SILVER BULLET, overall, is an entertaining Stephen King adaptation that was hindered by cheap effects and passable visuals. But the story has good characters you'll care about, a mystery that works for the most part, and some great acting by Haim and Busey. Not the greatest werewolf film ever, but definitely one of the better ones and worthy of a look every now and then. SILVER BULLET isn't perfect, but it has heart. That has to count for something.



SCORE - 3 Howls Outta 4

DIRECTED BY
Nick Lyon

STARRING
Ethan Suplee - Marshall
Mariel Hemingway - Lynn Snyder
LeVar Burton - Dr. Dan Halpern
Danny Trejo - Captain Caspian
French Stewart - Dr. Arnold
Chad Lindberg - Kyle

Genre - Horror/Science Fiction/Action/Zombies

Running Time - 89 Minutes


During a zombie apocalypse, a band of survivors are staying on Alcatraz Island in order to defend themselves against a rising army of zombies. However, their shelter is compromised when a group of zombies infiltrate their haven, taking out some of their own. The remaining survivors learn of a scientist (French Stewart), who claims he has discovered a cure for this epidemic. Realizing he's their only hope, they leave Alcatraz to locate him to stop the apocalypse.

REVIEW
RISE OF THE ZOMBIES is an Asylum produced B-movie zombie flick that was a lot better than I was expecting it to be. I'm not saying that it's a great film, or even a good one. But it's a decent enough film that manages to be somewhat watchable, while at the same time being totally forgettable once the film is over.

The biggest appeal to the film, at least for me, was the cast. Danny Trejo being a badass zombie killer. LeVar Burton being a sympathetic scientist who desperately wanted to cure his daughter of the infection. Ethan Suplee is the likeable guy who does good by keeping his fellow survivors safe. Muriel Hemingway is the leader of the group. And French Stewart is a scientist who may, or may not, have a cure. Is the acting great? Oh no, it's not. But just for the fact that these group of actors are in a zombie film together made it somewhat enjoyable for me. And none of these actors are terrible in anyway, as they take their respective roles seriously. Honestly, this cast should have been grouped together in a much better flick. But I'll take what I can get.

I also dig the use of Alcatraz as this refuge during the zombie apocalypse. It's a big enough place to hide and survive against the infection. Plus, it's right next to San Francisco, allowing the director to showcase zombies on the Golden Gate Bridge, hopefully eating the Olsen Twins with some Rice-A-Roni. The story is fairly generic once the survivors leave Alcatraz though, which makes RISE OF THE ZOMBIES more into a "search party" type of film. It really loses its way once that happens. It's just so cliche, you'll see things coming and wish someone new would recreate the zombie genre for a new generation in some way, shape, or form. I can tell when a screenwriter phones it in, which is pretty much the case with this movie.

The CGI is pretty lousy, with CGI blood, fire, and explosions that were obviously done in Adobe After Effects. The audio is shoddy, with levels constantly varying depending on the scene. And the direction isn't all that great, with the standard uses of slow motion, quick cutting, and even speeding up the film to make the visuals less monotomous.

All in all, you'll probably check out RISE OF THE ZOMBIES if you ever wanted to see Danny Trejo face the undead for whatever reason. Otherwise, it's not a film anyone has to go out of their way to see. But for a SyFy/Asylum project, I was expecting worse. But with a capable cast [who unfortunately needed a better script] and an interesting premise within the film's first half, it exceeded my low expectations. But it's not worth rising out of the grave over either. Pretty below average zombie film as a whole.



SCORE - 1.5 Howls Outta 4

DIRECTED BY
Mikael Hafstrom

STARRING
Sylvester Stallone - Ray Breslin
Arnold Schwarzenegger - Rottmayer
Jim Caviezel - Hobbes
Faran Tahir - Javed
Amy Ryan - Abigail
Sam Neill - Dr. Kyrie
Vincent D'Onofrio - Lester Clark
Vinnie Jones - Drake
Curtis '50 Cent' Jackson - Hush

Genre - Action/Thriller

Running Time - 115 Minutes


Ex-con Ray Breslin (Sylvester Stallone) is an expert in breaking out of high-security prisons. By knowing the layout, observing the routine, and getting internal and external support to the getaway, he's helped make prisons more secure by fixing the flaws. Breslin receives another job, in which he is offered $5 million to break out of a modern technological facility that may be inescapable. Breslin accepts this challenge, but soon learns that he's been double-crossed by his bosses. The prison warden, Hobbes (Jim Caviezel), has a thing for messing with Breslin, making his newest jail time unpleasant as possible. However, Hobbes wasn't counting on another inmate, Rottmayer (Arnold Schwarzenegger), finding a kindred spirit in Breslin and wanting to help him break out. Will they succeed, or are Breslin and Rottmayer stuck in this facility forever?

REVIEW
ESCAPE PLAN was a film on my radar last year, but I missed it for whatever reason. Apparently, so did a lot of people since it didn't do too well at the box office. While it has done well in the home video and digital market, it's pretty surprising that a film that teams both Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger wasn't more successful. Then again, modern audiences [meaning teens] probably see these two big action stars as fossils, more focused on sparkly vampires and films starring teen idols no one will remember in five years. It's a shame, since ESCAPE PLAN is a pretty good flick.

ESCAPE PLAN is more of a prison break thriller than an actual action film, although the final act of the film definitely plays to that genre. Honestly, I'm okay with that decision because these kind of thrillers aren't done all that much, so it's refreshing to see it get some much needed attention again. Because of this move, it's more of a character focused film, using the main characters to build plot, mystery, and suspense for almost two hours. The characters aren't exactly deep though - more stereotypical than anything -  but you know enough about them to care about their situation. The twists and turns the film makes are fairly predictable, I will admit. But at least they work within the context of the story and make sense once things are resolved.

My only real gripe with the narrative is the middle portion of the film. ESCAPE PLAN is probably 15 to 20 minutes longer than it should be, due to a lot of dialogue heavy scenes in the second act. I'm not saying that the dialogue is bad or anything. But I think what needed to be told during this portion could have been done in a much shorter time.

While ESCAPE PLAN isn't a total action movie, the film does come alive once characters start to fight and use weapons against each other. Watching Stallone and Schwarzenegger have a fist fight inside of a prison is pretty damn cool. Watching Jim Caviezel and Vinnie Jones try to stop Swarzenegger and Stallone with fists and weapons is pretty sweet as well. The film's final act is just an 80s action lover's dream, as it's visually entertaining with gunfire and explosions. Can't forget the chopper either, right Schwarzenegger?

DERAILED and 1408 director, Mikael Hafstrom, is an interesting choice for ESCAPE PLAN. While the man knows how to build tension and suspense within the claustrophobic prison setting, his handling of action isn't as strong. Sometimes the lighting is too dark. Or the frame is too close. Even the editing at times is a bit too quick. But Hafstrom is a more than capable director who handles most of the film pretty confidently.

The acting won't win awards. But both Stallone and Schwarzenegger take their roles seriously, bringing their A-game to the material. Their banter and interactions with each other are what make the film as good as it is. It makes you wish they had done films together much sooner prior to THE EXPENDABLES. Jim Caviezel is pretty great as the swarmy villainous warden, chewing the scenery and making his silly dialogue work. 50 Cent, who is usually distracting in some of the films I've seen him in, is pretty good here as the tech wizard. Amy Ryan, Vincent D'Onofrio, Faran Fahir, and Vinnie Jones are good in their smaller roles. And Sam Neill is in this as well! Always loved that dude. Cool cast.

ESCAPE PLAN is just a good time. Yeah, it's a bit long winded at times and the visuals don't always pop as much as they could [especially during the action stuff]. But the prison break script is pretty damn good, helped by Stallone's and Schwarzenegger's strong performances. You can tell the two were having fun making this film, which makes ESCAPE PLAN entertaining for us as well.



Score - 3 Howls Outta 4

DIRECTED BY
Nicholas Carpenter
Harry Grigsby

STARRING
Holly Madison - Stephanie
Bridget Marquardt - Eva DeMarco
Sara Jean Underwood - Tracey
Christina Rosenberg - Amber
Najarra Townsend - Brianna
Nicole Zeoli - Roxy

Genre - Horror/Anthology

Running Time - 84 Minutes


Three sorority pledges want to join a cruel sorority full of stuck up girls. In order to get voted in, the pledge must each tell the sorority sisters a scary story. So, three different stories are told - one involving a killer doll, one about a has-been actress looking to keep her career going by doing a horror film about the undead, and one about a dude stalking hot girls. Unfortunately for this sorority, one of the pledges may have a different story than the one she's telling - involving the death of the members of this particular sorority.

REVIEW
I have three words for THE TELLING:

WHAT THE FUCK!?

Seriously, THE TELLING is just terrible in every way possible. You'd figure that a horror film produced by Playboy Magazine and starring two of Hugh Hefner's former girlfriends, Holly Madison and Bridget Marquardt, would be somewhat titilating for 90 minutes. Sure, the story would probably suck. The acting would probably be even worse. But hell, at least I'll get some tits and ass to make up for my suffering! But does anyone get nude here?

NOT REALLY!

Instead, THE TELLING wants the audience to truly believe that these women were hired beyond their looks for their acting skills.

HA HA HA HA HA! EPIC FAIL.

This has to be one of the worst anthology films ever. None of the scary stories are frightening. They're just really poor versions of much better films involving dolls, slashers, and zombies. And this sorority - who in the hell would want to join this so-called "sisterhood"? The girls are slutty and bitchy. They look down on normal looking girls - aka girls who have enough decency not to get breast implants at the age of 18 and want to get that higher learning that college is supposed to be about. And where are the pillow fights? The hot lesbian action? The paddles? The pajama parties? What kind of sorority is this??

And the three stories are just ridiculous. The doll one reminds me of that Krusty the Doll episode from one of those Simpsons' Treehouse of Horror episodes from years ago, but less entertaining and clever. It's really lame, but at least it has blood and dry humping! The zombie story is supposed to be a homage to classic horror, being in black & white and having the villain sound like Bela Lugosi with a sore throat. The twist is so stupid and the scenes in the film look like a really bad softcore porn. And the third one is about a prank call gone wrong, with the prankers hearing someone get killed on the line. For a slasher film, it's really lame and not even worth the trouble.

The direction isn't all that great either. Sure, the picture quality looks okay. And I like that the second story was in black and white to fit the story's tone. But the editing wasn't great. The audio levels during some of the scenes was just jarring. In fact, the music used never went with the scenes they were used in!

I'm not even going to mention the acting. It's a Playboy film. The girls are terrible. But at least they look good.

THE TELLING is one of the worst films I've seen in a while. There's really no point to it even existing. None of the stories are worth anyone's time. And how do you do a Playboy produced film without the one thing you can do well - getting girls naked?? There's nothing to tell about this piece of crap.



SCORE - BOMB

Tales From The Crypt (1972)

DIRECTED BY
Freddie Francis

STARRING
Ralph Richardson - Crypt Keeper
Joan Collins - Joanne Clayton
Ian Hendry - Carl Maitland
David Markham - James Elliot
Peter Cushing - Arthur Grimsdyke
Richard Greene - Ralph Jason
Barbara Murray - Enid Jason
Nigel Patrick - Major William Rogers
Patrick Magee - George Carter

Genre - Horror/Anthology

Running Time - 92 Minutes


While they weren't as big as Marvel or DC, E.C. Comics (Educational Comics) have crafted a legacy of their own whether the public realizes it or not. While created in 1947, it wasn't until three years later where William M. Gaines and artist Al Feldstein were inspired by their mutual love for radio horror serials, wanting to bring those to life visually through comic books. Their inspirations morphed into four comics - The Haunt of Fear [narrated by the Old Witch], The Vault of Horror [narrated by The Vault Keeper], Weird Science, and the most popular one, Tales From The Crypt [narrated by The Crypt Keeper].

With wise-cracking narrators, tales of cruel morality, and endings that bordered on black comedy, the comics were greatly popular. Unfortunately, this notoriety gained E.C. Comics opponents who claimed the comics promoted juvenile delinquency. And after going through trial to defend the comics, a Senate Subcommittee decided to create the Comics Code Authority in 1955 to monitor content in these books. And if comics didn't pass the code, they wouldn't be published. As a result, the E.C. Comics were forced out of business. However, the comics would become cult collectors' items, be reprinted for newer generations, and Gaines himself would create a magazine called Mad in 1954 that did some decent business, I'm guessing...

About 10 years after E.C. Comics were forced to end, horror in England was experiencing quite a boom period. Hammer Films were riding high with their revamps of Universal Monsters horror, creating stars out of Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee. Another studio, Amicus Productions, wanted to capitalize on the success of Hammer. They decided to focus on anthology movies that could tell several stories within the same time Hammer would tell theirs. Amicus' first major success was 1964's DR. TERROR'S HOUSE OF HORRORS, which starred Hammer icons Lee, Cushing, Michael Gough, and directed by Freddie Francis.

Amicus continued the anthology trend, especially when they bough the rights to the E.C. Comics line. This led to the making of 1972's TALES FROM THE CRYPT and its follow up, 1973's THE VAULT OF HORROR. While both films are considered iconic horror anthologies, TALES FROM THE CRYPT was the more successful - to the point that a television show would be created in 1989 until 1996 with the same title, featuring the humorous Crypt Keeper giving us darkly humorous stories. But since it's Christmas time, we'll focus on TALES FROM THE CRYPT since one of its stories is an iconic holiday tale of murder. And even after 40 years, this anthology stills holds up pretty damn well, even if it does have a stinker or two in the bunch.

MAIN PLOT
Five people are on some caving expedition, but get lost while following their tour guide. When a mysterious door opens, they walk through to find a monk who seems to know who they are, telling them stories about their futures.

1. "...AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE"

An unhappy housewife named Joanna Clayton (Joan Collins) murders her husband on Christmas Eve for his insurance money. As she tries to hide the body in the basement from her young daughter, there's a news report about a maniac who has escaped a nearby mental asylum dressed as Santa Claus. And what do you know? The maniac shows up outside of Joanna's house, making her protect herself from this creep while she tries to get rid of her husband's body.

REVIEW
"...And All Through the House" is probably the most iconic story from this anthology, due to the fact that it's a Christmas horror tale that was actually recreated quite well for the later television series with Larry Drake as the maniac Santa. It also features Joan Collins, pre-Dynasty fame, as a villainous housewife whose greed leads her to commit murder, while trying to be a protective mother and homeowner. I really enjoy her in this story, as she always plays a great villainess that you'd like to have your way with. But the main reason why this tale is still considered a Christmas horror classic is because it's executed really well.

What I love about this story is how simple it is. There's barely any dialogue in this 12-minute tale, with director Freddie Francis using his visual presentation to give us all the information we need to know. We know Joanna is a greedy bitch who murders her loving husband for money. Even when she opens the gift he had wrapped for her, she seems displeased by what's inside because it's not "good enough" for her. We see her exchange a bit of dialogue with her daughter, whom she tries to keep the murder from. And then when she learns about the escape and hears noise outside her home, she's stuck between protecting herself, her daughter, and her home and hiding the body.

Francis creates a ton of tension and suspense during the stalking scenes, especially as Joanna attempts to dial the police, but realizes her husband's body is still in the living room. With a tight pace, every shot builds to its humorous climax. Joanna closing windows, dumping the body in the basement by rolling her husband carelessly down the stairs, and Joanna hiding from the Santa who is looking through the windows - this story is shot so well. And it's helped by the Christmas carols that plays throughout the story, creating an eerie feeling even when the music is supposed to be happy. And I just love the ending, which is pretty satisfying I gotta admit.

All in all, a great story to start the film.

2. "REFLECTION OF DEATH"

Carl Maitland (Ian Hendry) leaves his faithful wife and children for his mistress, saying he's going on a business trip. As Carl and his mistress drive to start their new lives, they crash their car. When he wakes up and walks away from the accident, Carl is confused as to why everyone he encounters is frightened by him.

REVIEW
And after a great start, "Reflection of Death" brings it down quite a great deal. For a story that's about ten minutes, it feels much longer because it doesn't really go anywhere, unless you count a pretty weak conclusion any sort of direction. Carl is a cheater, leaves his family for his mistress for whatever reason, crashes their car, and then the rest is a first person point-of-view account of Carl's experience with strangers post-accident. Not exactly thrilling stuff.

I will say that I do like the first person point-of-view visual presentation, with everyone being frightened by Carl. Sure, it's pretty predictable and doesn't last as long as it should to truly be any sort of effective. But it's an interesting technique that makes the bland ending. Other than that, there's not much going for this tale. This is one of those that really needed character development and an interesting situation to be any sorts of compelling. I think this story is the worst of the five. At least the make-up effects at the end were pretty good.

3. "POETIC JUSTICE"

A real estate prospector named James Elliott (David Markham) and his father (Robin Phillips) feel that an old widower named Arthur Grimsdyke (Peter Cushing) is bringing the value of the neighborhood down since he's a middle-class garbage collector. Even though Arthur is treated kindly by the neighborhood, James wants the man gone. After a smear campaign, with the cruelest one being on Valentine's Day, Arthur hangs himself. One year later, Elliott and his father are feeling a bit of guilt. But they won't have time to cope with their feelings as Arthur has risen from the grave, wanting revenge.

REVIEW
I think "Poetic Justice" may be my favorite of the stories in this anthology. The story will make you feel sympathy for Arthur, and hate for James and his father. Arthur is nothing more than a kind old man who has lost his wife, compensating that by giving gifts to children and living a quiet life. Watching the Elliotts destroy this man, just to raise the property value, makes you feel for poor Arthur. When the Elliotts frame Arthur for destroying his neighbor's prize roses, Arthur's dogs are taken away. When the Elliotts convince the neighborhood parents that Arthur's intentions with their children are less than pure, his joy of giving them gifts is taken away. And they even send him horrible Valentine's Day cards that depress him, leading to his suicide. As an audience, we want nothing more for these greedy real estate bastards to get theirs. And the ending will please anyone wanting vengeance.

The direction is pretty much point-and-shoot here, but there doesn't really need to be a whole lot of style here visually since the story and performances are so good. The last few minutes are the segment's best, with Arthur rising from the grave and getting revenge on those who wronged him. I thought the make-up on Peter Cushing looked pretty creepy, and the beating heart at the end is a great touch to cap off a perfect revenge.

This segment is carried by one of Peter Cushing's best performances. Art imitated life here, as Cushing had really lost his wife months prior to filming this role. All that grief and sadness is conveyed perfectly as Arthur, as you really feel bad for this man who has every single thing he loves taken away from him just to sell off his property. You just want to hug him and tell him that everything will be okay. Cushing, using real life tragedy, creates a role that's brilliantly portrayed and truly three-dimensional. David Markham is also very good as the pompous James Elliott. This is just a great segment period. I wish it were longer to be honest.

4. "WISH YOU WERE HERE"

Based on the classic "The Monkey's Paw" by W.W. Jacobs, we watch a couple go through financial strife. Ralph Jason (Richard Greene), a businessman, is about to go bankrupt. He's persuaded to sell many of his valuable items to pay off his massive debt. When he talks to his wife Enid (Barbara Murray) about this, Enid notices that a statue she owns offers the owner three wishes. When she asks for lots of money, Ralph is called in about his finances. Unfortunately, Ralph dies in a car accident, which makes Enid rich due to his insurance policy.

Feeling guilt, Enid wishes that Ralph returns back to life looking like he did prior to the accident. Then when Enid wishes Ralph to live forever, Ralph is in constant pain - Enid not realizing that he has already been embalmed.

REVIEW
It seems the even numbered segments are the poorest ones in TALES FROM THE CRYPT. "Wish You Were Here" is a variation of "The Monkey's Paw", which the characters do bring up more than once and explain it [when you could have just let the story play out without that knowledge]. I'm not really sure why this segment is here. There's no real point to the story, and it only adds a long running time to the film overall. If this segment actually went somewhere interesting, I'd be more than okay with it. Instead, it runs way too short and things happen way too fast for anyone to care about what we're watching. Things are constantly revealed without any sort of breathing room, and the conclusion is supposed to be a cautionary tale - but all I felt was ho-hum.

The direction is okay here. Again, it's pretty much point-and-shoot. But the scenes on the road prior to the accident are quite nice and tense. And the special effect at the end was pretty cool as well. The acting was fine for what it was too. But other than that, nothing really to discuss concerning this segment.

5. "BLIND ALLEYS"

William Rogers (Nigel Patrick), a former Major in the Army, becomes the new director of a home for the blind. Along with his dog, Rogers wants to live in the life of luxury while having control over people he believes aren't fit enough to govern themselves. Instead of making the experience better, Rogers decides to take away most of the food, starving the blind while feeding himself. He also cuts the heat in order to save money - money he uses to buy lavish things for his office. When one of the blind people passes away due to freezing to death, stoic George Carter (Patrick Magee) leads his blind friends into making Rogers suffer with an elaborate plan.

REVIEW
"Blind Alleys" is the longest segment of the film, as its almost a half hour long. And while it's not the best segment in the film, it's still a pretty good one. While a bit long, the segment does well in making you hate Rogers for what he does to these blind people. It also makes you root for George Carter and the other blind characters when they get revenge on Rogers for how cruel he has treated them. In fact, the entire segment builds to a really messed up ending, which makes "Blind Alleys" worth it.

The direction is fine as well, with the real good direction taking place within the last few minutes of the film. We see the blind characters making something in the basement for Rogers and his dog, but we're never sure what it is until the last bit of the segment. The mystery is well worth it, as the revenge situation is so disturbing and silly, you can't help but laugh in satisfaction in how Rogers is punished for his greedy actions. The segment probably could have been ten minutes shorter to get to the point, but it has a good build and conclusion. So I can't hate on it too much.

The acting is the star of this segment. Nigel Patrick is great as the greedy Major Rogers, coming across as a man who feels he's above the others due to the fact that he led an army and enjoys having that power. Patrick Magee is also very good as the blind George Carter, giving the group a leader who isn't as helpless as Rogers believes he is. I think it's a great story to end the anthology portion with.

6. THE WRAP AROUND
As I written in the main plot, the main characters of each of these segments are told of their fates by the Crypt Keeper. There's not much humor to these scenes at all, and the Crypt Keeper doesn't come across as comical or scary as one would expect. It's a pretty dry wrapping tale that leads to an ending that's pretty predictable and uses a hilarious green screen effect. Ralph Richardson does well with what he's given, but he's not as iconic as the television version of the character would become.

THE FINAL HOWL
TALES FROM THE CRYPT is a good anthology film, but far from the best. It has two great segments [with Joan Collins and Peter Cushing], a good segment [with Patrick Magee and Nigel Patrick], and two weak segments that bring the film down. Even Freddie Francis' direction, while decent, has its issues as his visual style doesn't really fit with some of the storytelling. But the acting is quite good, and the special effects and make-up are nice for 1972. TALES FROM THE CRYPT is definitely worth a look, especially if you love horror anthologies. But I'm sure most modern audiences would be more satisfied with the HBO show from the 1990s, where some of these segments were recreated and given more time to shine. Still, a good Amicus Production, but not a great one.




SCORE

3 Howls Outta 4