Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)

DIRECTED BY

Johannes Roberts

STARRING

Kaya Scodelario - Claire Redfield

Robbie Amell - Chris Redfield

Hannah John-Kamen - Jill Valentine

Tom Hopper - Albert Wesker

Avan Jogia - Leon S. Kennedy

Donal Logue - Brian Irons

Neal McDonough - William Birkin 

Lily Gao - Ada Wong

Genre: Horror/Action/Zombies

Running Time: 107 Minutes

PLOT

Once the booming home of pharmaceutical giant Umbrella Corporation, Raccoon City is now a dying Midwestern town. The company’s exodus left the city a wasteland…with great evil brewing below the surface. When that evil is unleashed, the townspeople are forever…changed…and a small group of survivors must work together to uncover the truth behind Umbrella and make it through the night.

REVIEW

In 2016, Paul W.S. Anderson's era of RESIDENT EVIL films ended with its FINAL CHAPTER - a movie that showed how low the series had deteriorated in terms of quality despite each entry having their fun moments. The Milla Jonovich led franchise was a huge money maker for Sony, however, as while the films sometimes struggled domestically, they were beloved enough in the global box office to keep the series going as long as it did. So you knew that even if Anderson and Jonovich were done with their version of the live-action adaptation, Sony would just reboot it to keep the IP going.

So here we are in 2021 with a new RESIDENT EVIL film called WELCOME TO RACCOON CITY, a reboot prequel that takes place in 1998 during the events of the first two Resident Evil video games. Right there, I should have known I would already look a bit negatively on the film. I mean, who was the genius who thought that adapting two video games into a 107 minute movie was a good idea? Surprisingly, the narrative does a decent job presenting a Cliff’s Notes version of both games - way better than any of the previous RESIDENT EVIL films did. But it just seems like a waste when you can just adapt one game at a time to length the franchise’s run. Why the need to cram a ton of stuff in a film that’s barely two hours? I don’t get it.

Having to adapt two games created a few sacrifices along the way. The big one is the lack of character development for most of these characters. Claire Redfield gets the most depth and is a joy to watch in this film, but the others either get the shaft or have totally different interpretations of their characters that it was a bit jarring at first. In particular Leon S. Kennedy, who is treated as sort of incompetent and almost the comic relief of the film, when gamers would know the character as a bad ass cop who seems pretty capable at his job. But at least he brings some levity to the film and he actually has a character arc that plays out decently. Chris Redfield is a frat boy with a gun, but at least he looks like the video game Chris. Jill Valentine barely gets anything to do really, even though she manages to shine whenever she can. And Albert Wesker seems to be a bit too young to be the villain fans know him to be. His character felt off and I’m hoping that changes if the filmmakers continue this new franchise going forward. I actually liked the Wesker from the previous series and this version is nowhere close to that. But unless you’re a big fan of the Resident Evil video game franchise, you wouldn’t really know who these characters are because the film doesn’t have the time to flesh them out in a significant way. You shouldn’t have to rely on the source material for audiences to know who they’re watching, as some viewers will go into this fresh. 

Also, the film barely gives us anything about the Umbrella Corporation. I mean… that’s your main antagonist and the reason why this whole zombie outbreak is even happening! Say what you want about the Anderson-led franchise, but those films took the time to establish Umbrella and give audiences a reason to hate them. We’re just given random facts about Umbrella and their actions so matter-of-factly that it’s all surface level and no depth. Is a look into Umbrella being saved for a sequel? Possibly. But again, you’ll wonder why this company destroyed this city if you aren’t familiar with this franchise at all. And when information is given, it's generic. Meh.

The look of the film also doesn’t hide the film’s budget. For $25 million, it looks way better than it ought to. But compared to other theatrical films in the market, WELCOME TO RACCOON CITY looks like it was made for SyFy or maybe Netflix. The zombie effects, while fine, don’t really stand out. There’s only one Licker in the film unfortunately, and it looks like it came straight from a video game with its questionable CGI. The locations also look like the ones in the first two games, but there are certain sets that look like the inside of a trailer that made me scratch my head. This film looks and feels like a B-movie you could find on cable on a Saturday night and not know that this popped up in theaters months prior. The original 2002 film was flashier and more exciting to look at. I think turning this into a series would have benefited this kind of budget and storytelling, as it would have allowed for more time to establish characters and the situation happening around them.

All that being said, I kind of had fun with this movie. The easter eggs and first time appearances of certain video game characters had me acting out that Leonardo DiCaprio meme from ONCE UPON A TIME IN... HOLLYWOOD multiple times. It was super awesome to see Lisa Trevor represented in a live-action adaptation, as she’s one of the more interesting side characters in the first video game. I thought director Johannes Roberts created some nice moments of tension and suspense in the second half of the film, creating a more eerie atmosphere that none of the Anderson films managed to do. I know some found it cringey, but I was really amused by the Jennifer Paige “Crush” scene. It was so bad that I laughed out loud. And for the fact that the film crams two video games into an almost two-hour movie, the pacing could have been a lot worse. In fact, I think Johannes Roberts handled it much better than I probably would have if given the same task. But there was a lot missing that could have been saved if Roberts just focused on one game instead of two. But for what it was, it was tolerable.

The acting is fine for what it is. But the standout is definitely Kaya Scodelario as Claire, who is given the most to do and Scodelario captures the character’s essence extremely well. I always thought Scodelario should have been a bigger name by now. She was good in THE MAZE RUNNER movies. I really liked her in CRAWL. And I think of all the actors, she equipped herself the best here. Robbie Amell did what he could with Chris, while Avan Jogia had an interesting take on Leon that grows on you as the film moves along. It was also cool seeing Donal Logue do his thing, while Neal McDonough sure has that villain role down pat at this point, doesn’t he?

THE FINAL HOWL

I feel only fans of the video games will appreciate RESIDENT EVIL: WELCOME TO RACCOON CITY more than those who aren’t. The blending of two video games was a weird choice and the narrative has a few slow parts that could lead to some boredom. The characters aren’t fleshed out much [besides Claire and Leon] unless you’ve played the games and some of their motivations seem a bit empty because of that. But the acting is tolerable to good [Kaya Scodelario is the reason to watch], Johannes Roberts’ direction has some genuinely good moments of tension every now and then, and some of the narrative choices are so random and dumb that you won’t help but be entertained by them [that “Crush” scene had me laughing more than I had expected]. This movie has its heart in the right place and making this new franchise closer to the source material is definitely the way to go. It’s just too bad that after all these years, they couldn’t have made a better movie to reflect that. But I’m open to see more if Sony is down for another zombie outbreak.

SCORE

2 Howls Outta 4

(5 out of 10)

When Wrestlers Act: Doom (2005)

DIRECTED BY

Andrzej Bartkowiak

STARRING

Karl Urban - John “Reaper” Grimm

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson - Asher “Sarge” Mahonin

Rosamund Pike - Dr. Samantha Grimm

Richard Brake - Dean Portman

Deobia Oparei - Roark “Destroyer” Gannon

Ben Daniels - Eric “Goat” Fantom

Raz Adoti - Gregory “Duke” Schofield

Al Weaver - Mark “The Kid” Dantalian

Dexter Fletcher - Marcus “Pinky” Pinzerowski

Genre - Horror/Action/Science Fiction/Video Games

Running Time - 113 Minutes [Unrated Director’s Cut]

As a lot of movie goers know, the process of adapting a video game property into a feature film [and vice-versa] hasn’t had the greatest percentage of succeeding. Ever since 1993’s SUPER MARIO BROS., Hollywood has struggled to capture what made the video games so popular into a live-action film format. While each adaptation may have a highlight or two within their respective films, only a few adaptations can be considered good. 1995’s MORTAL KOMBAT is a fun and cheesy flick that, at least, managed to adapt its source material as much as possible for the time. 2001’s TOMB RAIDER is a pretty solid action flick and turned Angelina Jolie into a huge star. The RESIDENT EVIL series, as divisive as they are, proved that audiences will latch on to a property if there’s enough fun things going on within it. 2006’s SILENT HILL is actually a pretty solid and atmospheric horror film that still works. And 2019’s POKEMON: DETECTIVE PIKACHU proved that not straying away from the source could reap some huge rewards commercially. 

Unfortunately, the major of video game adaptations are either really bad, or just extremely disappointing due to its unfulfilled potential. I feel 2005’s DOOM fits under this criteria - an adaptation of one of video game’s most important and influential first person shooters that didn’t appeal to many despite casting Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in a lead role. It’s also surprising the film didn’t do better considering one of the franchise’s most popular entries, Doom 3, was released a year prior to great success. But with a $70 million dollar budget, the film only made about $56 million at the box office - not only making DOOM a box office bomb, but continuing a trend at the time for one Dwayne Johnson, who was struggling with maintaining his supposed star power. 

I hadn’t watched DOOM in about 13 years, not remembering it fondly and considering one of Dwayne Johnson’s biggest flops in his movie career. Even Johnson himself dislikes this film, feeling it never lived up to its potential. But my interest in rewatching DOOM comes at a time where the video game franchise has gained a lot of strength and good will in the last few years, especially with Doom Eternal being considered one of 2020’s Most Anticipated Games. Netflix is even streaming a quasi-sequel to this film, DOOM: ANNIHILATION, that isn’t considered to be any good but is at least praised for capturing the essence of the source material better than this film did. Considering all the negativity surrounding it, is DOOM really that bad? Were we expecting too much out of this adaptation fifteen years ago? Or does it deserve to be destroyed by a BFG for good?

PLOT

A team of space marines known as the Rapid Response Tactical Squad, led by Sarge (Dwayne Johnson), is sent to a science facility on Mars after somebody reports a security breach. There, they learn that the alert came after a test subject, a mass murderer purposefully injected with alien DNA, broke free and began killing people. Dr. Grimm (Rosamund Pike), who is related to team member Reaper (Karl Urban), informs them all that the chromosome can mutate humans into monsters - and is highly infectious.

REVIEW

Rewatching DOOM again after so many years, I didn’t hate it as much as I had previously. In fact, I can tell there’s a good film in DOOM somewhere if it had been written and executed better in its final form. And while the film does have some positive things going for it in hindsight, DOOM still remains a heavily flawed film and a video game adaptation that could have and should have been better on so many levels.

Let’s get the positives out of the way first. The highlight of DOOM, which many who have seen the film will probably agree with, is during the final act where we see the recognizable first-person Doom point of view as Reaper shoots and dodges creatures trying to kill him. Director Andrzej Bartkowiak shoots the scene pretty close to the style of the video game, giving us five-to-seven minutes of hope that someone on the production team actually cared about using the source material to cater to fans of the video games and put a smile on their faces. The Unrated Director’s Cut is the way to go when it comes to this scene, as this edition adds more of the first-person-shooter aspect and makes us wish more of this aspect had been implemented throughout the rest of the film during the action scenes. It stands out against the rest of the standard and generic visual presentation, still holding up pretty well and proving that video game adaptations could be fun if you just gave the fans what they want.

Speaking of the visual presentation, I also liked the Universal opening logo using Mars instead of Earth, which is a nice touch. I wish more films with certain themes would do that more. And the closing credits with the first-person-shooting isn’t as good as the one within the actual story, but it’s still cool that the producers knew enough to use it. It’s not too hard to cater to the fan base while making the material more Hollywood, as long as it’s not forced or overdone.

I thought that while the creatures didn’t look as cool as their video game counterparts, at least there seemed to be a focus on making them look good. The monsters seemed more practical than CGI for the most part - maybe besides the Pinky monster - and I liked their designs. They looked threatening and stood out enough to make an impression. I also didn’t mind the futuristic set designs and the gory moments that thankfully pushed DOOM into an R rating. Cool monster bites on necks, vicious wounds, and multiple severed body parts compensated for other things that lacked in this film.

I also didn’t mind much of the acting in DOOM. A lot of the actors don’t get a whole lot of dialogue, especially good dialogue. But the main actors try to make good with the material given, even if they’ve done better work on other projects before and since. Karl Urban and Rosamund Pike struggled with their accents at times, but I liked their performances as both Reaper and Dr. Grimm. Urban is great at brooding and always looks believable when performing action scenes, so I thought he fit well here. Pike is mainly there to be the token female and say science things that drive the plot, but she does it like a champ. I found it funny, though, that Urban and Pike shared a more romantic chemistry than a sibling one, which made watching DOOM pretty uncomfortable at times. There was an interesting vibe there. I also liked Raz Adoti as the flirtatious and loyal Duke, sharing some genuinely cute and funny moments with Pike. It presented a nice change of pace from the rest of the film. And I enjoyed Richard Brake as Portman, playing up his trademark unhinged performance that he’s perfected ever since this movie, especially in his appearances in recent Rob Zombie movies. A lot of the actors weren’t allowed to display any sort of personality since they were directed to play gruff soldiers. But Brake seems to enjoy hamming it up as a lunatic and it more than worked for me.

Now we get to the things that aren’t so good about DOOM. And it pains me to put him here since he was the draw at the time. But Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson just seems off in this film and I don’t fully blame him for that either. I’m not saying his performance is terrible because it isn’t at all. He does a commendable job playing Sarge and shouting orders like you’d expect a drill sergeant would. But this man is one of the most charismatic movie stars in the world and for whatever reason, he’s not allowed to display any sort of fun or swagger in this acting. It’s not sure if Andrzej Bartkowiak directed him to play the role straight, or if Johnson’s agent and/or manager at the time convinced him to be less “Rock” and more “Dwayne” - wanting him to a more serious actor by not playing up to the persona that made him a star to begin with. Johnson just seems checked out, even when the twist happens. Johnson, himself, has stated a few times that DOOM is his least favorite project for various reasons. Judging by his lacking, yet competent performance, I can see why.

And then we get to what really brings DOOM down - the script itself. There are a lot of issues with the story here. For one, this is a pretty loose adaptation of the source material. Instead of fighting demons invading space from Hell, DOOM is nothing more than an ALIENS ripoff mixed with what studios felt worked in the RESIDENT EVIL film series at the time. Doing any film resembling 1986’s ALIENS is automatically going to make that movie look inferior, especially when the most you know about the characters are their nicknames. And it sucks that the demons from Hell were replaced by infected zombie-like people from a Mars lab. At least I think it was Mars, since we barely see anything outside of the lab. The switch was probably due to budgetary reasons, but it just turns DOOM into another zombie film influenced by the much more popular RESIDENT EVIL films. The characters saying scientific stuff, as if the actors playing them knew what the hell they were talking about, is unintentionally hilarious at times though. I hear the new DOOM film caters more to the demons from Hell deal than this one does. It’s kind of disappointing. 

And I like I wrote earlier, the characters don’t have much depth really besides nicknames that pretty much tell us a certain personality trait or their job within the squad. Sarge just shouts at his troops and wants to have things his way by any means necessary. Reaper is haunted by his parents’ death and is the group’s best sharpshooter. The Kid is the Rookie. Portman is the token crazy member. Duke is the flirt. Goat is the religious one. And Dr. Grimm probably has the most character as she’s the smart scientist with a tragic past with connections to several members of the squad. Even when a certain character turns to the dark side, there’s no real reason for it to happen besides the film needed a human antagonist besides the zombies. Unlike the films DOOM is trying to emulate, the characters don’t share a ton of chemistry with each other because they’re not really allowed to. Regardless of how you feel about those RESIDENT EVIL films, at least they have the characters form some sort of relationship with each other to build character and enough depth for audiences to care enough to sit through six films. You don’t really care about what happens to these people because you’re really not supposed to. It’s not like the video games have deep protagonists anyway, since you’re mainly just a shooter who travels through corridors and bases to shoot demons until you beat the game. But DOOM could have at least tried harder, since you feel disconnected as if you’re watching someone play the game rather connecting to it if you were playing it yourself.

And while some of the direction is decent, especially in the film’s final act, there is a lot to be desired visually for majority of the film. For one, why is DOOM so freakin’ dark? The color scheme within the corridors of the Ark are nice, with blues and reds. But these scenes are barely lit, making it hard to see the monsters or whatever action is going on when the characters are walking inside of this location, which is more often than not. It’s not like the creatures look terrible, because they don’t. And maybe at the start, using darkness could build some tension and anticipation for what we’ll eventually see. But I shouldn’t have to squint during a film to figure out what I’m seeing. It was frustrating and made me wonder how anyone believed this was a good idea. Gritty is a mood, not a lighting scheme. 

And when there wasn’t any action happening, the vibe of the film just fell flat. There wasn’t a whole lot of energy when the characters would interact with each other via dialogue. A lot of action films usually have decent pacing because even the non-action moments buzz and build to the next action sequence. You don’t really get that with DOOM. At least the dialogue scenes lead to other scenes, unlike a lot of video game adaptations, but I wish they grabbed you more.

And the soundtrack is pretty much nondescript. You get a remix of a Nine Inch Nails song and a generic nu-metal type score. I barely remember it as I type this, to be honest with you. Solid…

THE FINAL HOWL

DOOM is not the worst video game adaptation to have ever been presented in a live-action film format, but it’s not a good adaptation either. The film is lit too dark, the characters have no depth at all, and it’s barely based on the games themselves besides a few names, the concept, and some of the weapons. And Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, one of the most charismatic personalities in any media, acts as if he doesn’t want to be in the film and gives one of his flattest performances against Karl Urban and Rosamund Pike, who clearly outshine him here. But the film does look polished, has a great video game moment with that awesome first-person shooter sequence near the end, displays cool creature designs inspired by the games and above average acting from most of the cast [especially Urban, Pike and Richard Brake]. And the silly dialogue has its unintentional moments of entertainment that elevate a film that could have and should have been better. A lousy video game adaptation, but an average ALIENS meets RESIDENT EVIL rip-off.

SCORE

2 Howls Outta 4

The WTF? Worst Films Extravaganza Presents: Street Fighter (1994)

DIRECTED BY
Steven E. de Souza

STARRING
Jean-Claude Van Damme - Colonel William F. Guile
Raul Julia - General M. Bison
Ming Na Wen - Chun Li Zang
Byron Mann - Ryu Koshi
Damian Chapa - Ken Masters
Wes Studi - Victor Sagat
Kylie Minogue - Lieutenant Cammy
Peter Navy Tuiasosopo - Edmund Honda
Andrew Bryniarski - Zangief
Grand L. Bush - Balrog
Roshan Seth - Dhalsim
Jay Tavare - Vega
Miguel A. Nunez, Jr. - Dee Jay
Robert Mammone - Carlos "Charlie" Blanka

Genre - Action/Science Fiction/Martial Arts/Video Games

Running Time - 101 Minutes


Back when arcade machines were still popular, I don't think I spent more quarters on any game as I did on Street Fighter II. Capcom's premier fighting game was, and still is, an addictive button-mashing fun time. I'm not sure how much money I spent playing Street Fighter II at the arcades. I loved feeling that accomplishment of trying to get to M. Bison, when all of a sudden another player would step in and kick my ass. Bastard. But thankfully, I was able to buy Street Fighter II for the Super Nintendo, as well as Street Fighter II: Championship Edition, as well as Street Fighter II: Turbo. I was kind of obsessed with fighting games in general, but Street Fighter II was my jam. Hell, I still enjoy these games, although I prefer IV over Third Strike and Alpha.

With anything that captures the culture's attention, Hollywood has to stick their unnecessary nose in and try to milk it through some film franchise. We saw it in 1993 with SUPER MARIO BROS. [sigh]. We still see it now with all those RESIDENT EVIL movies [guilty pleasures]. But in the 1990s, the video game film adaptations weren't really known for their quality. To be honest, 1995's MORTAL KOMBAT is probably the only highlight during this era - and sadly, it's still one of the better adaptations out there next to probably 2001's TOMB RAIDER, 2006's SILENT HILL, and maybe a couple of those RESIDENT EVIL films. In 1994, STREET FIGHTER: THE MOVIE was made to capitalize on the fighting game craze by attempting to bring those classic characters to life on the big screen. Unfortunately, the stars were not aligned for this adaptation, probably creating one of the most hated 90s films of all time. And 20 years later, I can honestly say that time has not been kind to this film. But hey, it's better than the game that was created from this, as well as the 2009 reboot STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN-LI. So it's got that going for it!

PLOT
It seems world peace is being threatened by an evil dictator named General M. Bison (Raul Julia). However, there is hope - a military task force led by Colonel William Guile (Jean Claude Van Damme) and his lieutenant Cammy (Kylie Minogue) plan to do whatever it takes to overthrow Bison's tyranny. But things get personal when Bison takes Guile's best friend, Charlie (Robert Mammonne), and others hostage - threatening to kill them if the Allied Nations don't pay him a multi-million dollar ransom. The A.N., fearing what Bison will do, relieve Guile of his duties so they can pay the ransom. But Guile wants to finish what he started. Enlisting Ryu Hoshi (Byron Mann) and Ken Masters (Damian Chapa) to infiltrate Bison's organization by gaining Victor Sagat's (Wes Studi) trust, Guile wants to take out Bison from the inside. With the unwanted help of ace reporter Chun-Li Zang (Ming-Na Wen), Guile and Cammy plan on defeating Bison once and for all.

REVIEW
I have three words for STREET FIGHTER: THE MOVIE:

WHAT THE FUCK!?

Seriously, STREET FIGHTER: THE MOVIE is just a bad film on almost every level. While the game itself isn't really deep in terms of story, a decent-to-good movie could have been created out of this successful fighting game franchise. Instead, we get a script that has nothing to do with the game itself besides the character's names. We also get bland direction, strange casting choices, and just an overall feeling of "what in the hell did I just see?" I honestly can't think Capcom had any sort of say in this project. If they did, then I question their sanity. But then again, I'm sure huge sums of money will cure any sort of temporary mental illness.

Out of all the bad things I mentioned, I think it's the story itself that bums me out the most. One of the big reasons for that is that this screenplay was written by the man who directed this film, Steven E. de Souza. While not many may know him for his directing skills, many will know the man for writing some of the best action films out there. This man wrote 1985's COMMANDO, 1987's THE RUNNING MAN, and the first two DIE HARD films (1988 & 1990). He also wrote 1995's JUDGE DREDD, but that's a film I'd like to forget too. Still, how can a man who wrote so many great action flicks write such an insipid piece of crap like STREET FIGHTER: THE MOVIE? Did the studio interfere? Was the budget compromised or something? Or did de Souza only care about a check at this point in his screenwriting career? I honestly can't say, but something just didn't click here.

Now like I said, the Street Fighter games aren't really known for their epic stories. But by playing them, you do know who the characters are, their motivations, and even their backstories when it comes to other characters in the game. MORTAL KOMBAT proved that you could turn a fighting game into a pretty fun film if you research the game enough and manage to at least maintain the essence of the franchise. I'm not expecting the game to exactly play out on film like it would on a console. But when I'm watching a Street Fighter movie, I expect to watch it feeling as if the filmmakers knew exactly what film they were inspired by. Honestly, I think de Souza was given a bad Cliff Note's version of what the game was and decided to write his film based on that.

The fact that the main character here is Guile instead of Ryu is the story's biggest misstep. Guile was most likely picked because he's an American character that represents the military. So obviously, in terms of Hollywood storytelling, he has to be the action hero. And I'm sure many players used Guile since he had the easier move list to use [performing both the Sonic Boom or the Blade Kick didn't hurt on the hands]. But the thing is that Ryu is really the main character of the Street Fighter games. He's been in the franchise since the first Street Fighter and he's probably the most popular of all the characters in the franchise. He's also a more interesting action character than Guile is. Instead of doing the story that de Souza did, why not a BLOODSPORT-type deal where Ryu goes through some sort of tournament where he fights characters in the streets to get to his main adversaries, Sagat and M. Bison? It may not be the most thrilling story, but it would be more faithful to the game than this film turned out to be. Hell, it probably would have been better received as well!

Instead, we have to watch a stereotypical good vs. evil battle where our American hero must defeat a foreign villain who plans on taking over the world. Yawn. But even films of this type can be good and interesting. Instead, de Souza threw a bunch of shit to a wall and decided to connect the stains to write this ridiculous script. I mean, he couldn't even get the backstories right! Chun-Li is a journalist instead of a cop? E. Honda is a TV producer? Balrog is a camera man? Ken and Ryu are ARMS DEALERS??? Who the fuck thought audiences would accept these changes? Don't even get me started on Charlie, or Blanka, or whatever this monstrosity was. Instead of having Blanka be born a monster and create a sympathetic backstory for him, we have Charlie [who is a separate character in the Street Fighter games] be transformed into Blanka through the use of chemicals and a Virtual Boy depicting violent acts to corrupt his brain. Now I know where the inspiration to BATMAN & ROBIN's Bane came from. God, what was de Souza smoking while writing this film? This isn't Street Fighter! Where's the tournament? Where's the fighting? Hell, where are the streets??

It also doesn't help that STREET FIGHTER: THE MOVIE seems to play out like some sort of joke. It's cheesy as hell, with silly one-liners and moments that make you laugh rather than thrill you. It plays out like a cartoon, when it should play out a bit more seriously. Yes, MORTAL KOMBAT had its campy moments as well, but it also had a script that knew when to be serious. This just seems to play out as a spoof to the video game. Sure, the characters are pretty silly if you think about it, but don't insult the fans by making a mockery of their favorite game.

Also, the story is just pretty bland. All the fighting is saved until the last 25 minutes really, and none of it is done in the streets. Hell, we get a GODZILLA moment between E. Honda and Zangief that just made me roll my eyes in embarrassment. But at least that was memorable compared to the dull second act, in which characters just walk around, and blurt out expository dialogue to explain their actions. It's as if this was setting up the film rather than the first act, which at least had some action to kind of keep you somewhat engaged. This whole script was backwards. I don't know what else to really say about it.

Okay, I will say that the dialogue is cheesy enough to make you chuckle. It also helps when you miscast actors for certain characters, making the dialogue stand out more for all the wrong reasons. Jean-Claude Van Damme, in particular, is playing an American character who must recite motivating speeches to his fellow actors. Watching Guile butcher the English language is pure entertainment every time. Seriously, who thought this was a good idea? At least it humored me and made me want more of Guile's hard-to-understand dialogue. And I gotta give credit to de Souza for at least inserting certain dialogue from the video game itself. It's just that the film should have been more of a faithful adaptation of the game - if not in story, at least in essence and feel.

Since the game is known for the characters' special moves, you'd think the $35 million budget would allow for recreations of these moves in live-action form.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...

I'm sorry. I shouldn't joke like that. You'll barely see any of those moves recreated. Guile does do his Blade Kick. M. Bison does levitate and cannonball himself into people [although the way he does it is cheap - magnetic boots really?]. And I think I barely saw Ryu perform a Whirlwind Kick. And was that weak uppercut Ken's Dragon Punch?

Where did all that money go? Jean-Claude Van Damme's secret bank account for hookers and coke?

Seriously, the characters barely do anything that resembles a Street Fighter game. With a budget that high, we should have seen more than we actually do. Instead of having shit explode and wasting cash on a Virtual Boy, we should have gotten some special effects bonanza with characters beating the crap out of each other. At least MORTAL KOMBAT made it up for us a year later. But STREET FIGHTER: THE MOVIE should have done it first.

The direction by Mr. de Souza is just as bland as they come. There's no real style at all in this film. It's competent for what it is, but it's not exactly a very exciting or thrilling film to watch. In fact, it drags a bit and probably should have been 15 minutes shorter. And the action is pretty bad, not gonna lie. The choreography just wasn't there for me. For a film about fighting, you'll be severely disappointed. I do appreciate that when we see characters bust out their special moves, he doesn't really cut away from it. The film does look pretty nice as well, with some great sets and exteriors that are eye candy. And I love that last shot where the characters do that pose all at once - poses taken right from the game when a character wins a round. The visuals have their moments every now and then, but the direction is pretty uneventful for the most part.

The acting - man, what can I say about the acting? Jean-Claude Van Damme probably ruined his status in America starring in this movie. Surprisingly, I don't really blame him totally for it. Yes, he was terribly miscast as Guile - an actor with an BELGIUM accent playing an AMERICAN character - really? But I'm sure he got a big check for the role, and who wants to turn down money like that - especially in 1990s dollars? Seriously though, Van Damme seems to be going through the motions here. Van Damme is a charismatic guy, but this role worked against him. The dialogue he recites is not only silly, but makes the fact that he's playing a full-blooded American even more ridiculous. His heart just doesn't seem to be totally into it. Maybe he realized the script sucked and just said "fuck it". I'm not really sure. Still, terrible casting.

Raul Julia, in his last film role before his tragic passing, is probably one of the highlights as M. Bison. He may not look like the character all that much in terms of build, but at least Julia seems to be having a ball acting as over-the-top as possible. It's been said that he knew he was really sick, but took the role anyway because his children were fans of the video games. I can't hate on Julia for that, as he wanted to make his kids smile. While the script worked against him, at least Julia tries to make it work and seems to be having fun. Nothing wrong with that. He entertained me.

The other actors are a mixed bag. Ming-Na Wen is actually very good as Chun-Li, seeming to embrace the silliness of the film and making the character somewhat captivating. I think she had the best material to work with as well, which worked for her. Nice to see her still around, as I think she's a pretty good actress in whatever she's in. Pop star Kylie Minogue looks the part as Cammy and has the lovely Australian accent to make her role work. Plus, I can't hate on Kylie. She's hot and I dig her music too. So there. It was kind of funny to see Miguel A. Nunez attempting a Jamaican accent as Dee Jay, as well as Andrew Bryniarski as Zangief [I thought Bryniarski was pretty amusing as the clueless Russian henchman]. Wes Studi looks the part as Sagat. Byron Mann played a character named Ryu with a script not allowing him to actually play that role. Damian Chapa had a better role as Ken Masters, although it could have been better. The other actors did the best they could with the material, I guess. The casting of this movie still makes me scratch my head though.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE REALIZING YOU ARE NOT MAN ENOUGH TO FIGHT WITH ME

- Ryu and Ken are involved in the arms trading business with Sagat. I'd like to use a weapon on whoever thought this was the best idea for all three of these characters.

- Vega versus Ryu's cage fight ended before it got started thanks to Guile barging in with a tank to arrest everyone. Unlike the UFC, this fight was not worth breaking your leg over.

- Bison wants to create a super soldier to help him fight the good fight. Steve Rogers is thanking the Stars and Stripes he got his serum decades prior.

- Guile faked his death to trick Bison into lowering his defenses. If only he was able to fake an American accent in the same manner.

- E. Honda feels no pain in being whipped. Neither does Kanye West. #DATASS

- Guile delivered a stirring speech to get his team to fight Bison. Or I think he did. He's still on the advanced class on his Rosetta Stone tapes, so I'm not sure.

- Dhalsim turned Charlie into a green skinned monster who is supposedly Blanka. Lou Ferrigno is laughing his ass off.

- Cammy is an expert marksman. When that bullet hits your brain, you can't get it out of your head.

THE FINAL HOWL

What more can I really say about STREET FIGHTER: THE MOVIE that hasn't been said? Besides a few silly moments that will make you laugh for all the wrong reasons [an American with a Belgium accent, really?], some actors who try to make the story work, and some attempts to bring the video game to life [if you can get that far into the film before turning it off], this video game adaptation is just terrible. I still have trouble believing the man who wrote COMMANDO and DIE HARD wrote and directed this. I still have trouble figuring out why Jean-Claude Van Damme was hired to played Guile. I'm still wondering where the $35 million budget went [it sure wasn't for the special effects].

Is it the worst video game adaptation? No, not even close. I would rather watch this than that LEGEND OF CHUN-LI reboot from 2009, plus many of those Uwe Boll adaptations. But it's a badly made adaptation no matter how you look at it. STREET FIGHTER: THE MOVIE is not worth performing a Hadouken for. Time has not been kind to this one.



SCORE

1 Howl Outta 4

[SEQUEL SEPTEMBER] Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)

DIRECTED BY
Paul W.S. Anderson

STARRING
Milla Jovovich - Alice
Sienna Guillory - Jill Valentine
Michelle Rodriguez - Rain Ocampo
Aryana Engineer - Becky
Johann Urb - Leon S. Kennedy
Kevin Durand - Barry Burton
Li Bingbing - Ada Wong
Oded Fehr - Carlos Olivera
Boris Kodjoe - Luther West
Colin Salmon - James "One" Shade
Shawn Roberts - Albert Wesker
Megan Charpentier/Ave Merson-O'Brian (Voice) - The Red Queen

Genre - Horror/Action/Adventure/Zombies/Video Games

Running Time - 95 Minutes


PLOT
After losing a battle against Umbrella's forces led by a brainwashed Jill Valentine (Sienna Guillory), Alice (Milla Jovovich) wakes up to a life in regular suburbia with her loving husband, Carlos (Oded Fehr) and her hearing-impaired daughter Becky (Aryana Engineer). Before she can adjust to this life, suburbia is invaded by an army of zombies. When she's attacked by one of them, Alice wakes up again - this time inside of Umbrella's headquarters. She has been held captive and being grilled for information.

As Alice continues to be interrogated, Umbrella suffers a system reload that allows her to escape. She is surprised by who initiated it - main foe Albert Wesker (Shawn Roberts), who tells Alice that the Red Queen (Megan Charpentier/Ave Merson-O'Brian) has taken over Umbrella's operations and plan on finishing the Alice Project. Wesker has his top agent, Ada Wong (Li Bingbing), help Alice escape through Umbrella's environmental simulations to reach the snowy weather of Northern Russia. Luckily the two have help, as a strike team is taking care of obstacles [in the form of clones of Alice's previous allies] on the other side of Umbrella.


REVIEW

I wanted to write this review a couple of days ago, but plans had fallen through and wasn't able to watch RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION until yesterday. It's hard to believe that this is the fifth installment of the most popular franchise based on a series of video games within ten years. The series has never been a critical favorite, but many people see these films as guilty pleasures. I'm not the biggest fan of these films, as I prefer the video games, but I do understand the appeal and don't see these films as the worst movies in the world. I prefer RESIDENT EVIL and RESIDENT EVIL: APOCALYPSE over RESIDENT EVIL: EXTINCTION and RESIDENT EVIL: AFTERLIFE, but each film has their moments.

So what did I think of RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION?

Eh, it was okayish, I guess. I still have issues with the narrative of these films and how this franchise continues to "build" into each installment. It's been five films and I still haven't seen any evolution with the Alice character. The character goes through so much in each of these films - losing powers, gaining powers, flirting with her male allies, dealing with clones, etc. - yet she never goes anywhere of substance. I know as much about Alice now as I did in the first film. TEN YEARS OF NOTHING! The character can kick ass all she wants, but I still don't feel an emotional connection to her. By the fifth film, I should feel sympathy for her and want her arc to conclude in a satisfying manner. But at this point, I could care less about what happens to her. The only reason I continue to watch is because I've seen all the other films, so I might as well see how it ends - which will most likely happen in the next sequel since this film has already made its budget back. When the main character is still a complete mystery and hasn't really grown as a character after five films, my interest diminishes big time.

Speaking of RE: RETRIBUTION's story - what story? It has a plot, sure. But it doesn't really have a story to tell. In fact, this film feels like I'm watching video game cutscenes rather than a logical progression into the conclusion of the franchise. The other films aren't great, but at least they have a story that somewhat goes somewhere. This film doesn't and it's just random scenes thrown together to make a 95-minute movie. I like the idea of having Alice fight in different locations, changing it up every 20 minutes and keeping things from becoming totally dull. It feels like a video game, where the main character must battle through different levels until they reach the final boss battle. That's a great concept and I think it actually helps RE: RETRIBUTION more than it hurts it. But there should be character arcs that enhance this experience. It's fine when you're controlling the game, but it feels disconnected just sitting there and being a spectator. I want to play this, not watch it.

None of the characters, besides Alice, have any sort of substantial character arcs. Chris and Claire Redfield, along with K-Mart, are nowhere to be seen [at least they get a mention]. New characters, like Leon Kennedy, Ada Wong, and Barry Burton are introduced but not given enough time to have their characters fleshed out. They can shoot and kick ass, but that doesn't mean I should give a damn about them. Albert Wesker is a bad ass, but nothing is really done with him. Luther West is a blank state, although he likes Alice. Jill Valentine doesn't get much to do. Neither does Carlos or One. Rain gets to do more, but I found her "good" side more interesting than her usual bitchy side. However, Alice gets to be a "mother" to Becky - sort of like how Ellen Ripley was a "mother" to Newt in ALIENS. While it's not written in any spectacular way, at least it fleshes out Alice a bit and makes her more human. It's a start at least, but one I feel is a bit too late by this point. I think more scenes between the two would have helped this subplot, but it's the best written part of the film so I won't complain too much about it.

What I did like was the visual presentation. The 3D was a bit better than it was in RE: AFTERLIFE. We get the usual crap thrown at the screen, but the environment was also given some depth through the gimmick. Everything looked like it jumped out of the screen, which was nice.

I loved the first act of the film. The opening credits were very cool, with things leading up to Alice waking up in a domestic world shown backwards in slow motion to a great musical score. It was probably the best opening for any RESIDENT EVIL film and it glued me in right away. I didn't mind the montage of Alice discussing what had happened in the previous four films, for new viewers or for those who needed to catch up. I found it sad it could be told within five minutes, but I should have expected that at this point in the franchise. Once that's done, what we saw in slow motion plays back - but forward in normal speed. I really dug that. I also loved the domestic scene in the beginning as well, as it actually felt like a zombie movie for once. It reminded me of the remake of DAWN OF THE DEAD, which isn't a bad flick to rip off. There was genuine tension in this section. Why couldn't the rest of the film have that?

The environments of New York City, Tokyo, Russia, and Suburban Raccoon City were interesting and looked great. I thought the Russian set piece was the best one, with the cool looking zombies [great make up job] and the quick paced action. A pretty cool car chase as well. I dug that.

The fight scenes still had that annoying slow motion crap in them, but there was less of it. The action scenes were the same old stuff we've seen in previous installments, but they were obviously the highlights of this sequel. Too bad they become repetitive by the final act, even though the final battle was pretty cool somewhat. Paul W.S. Anderson did a better job directing the film than he did the script, so I'll give them that.

I won't even mention the acting because no one really stood out. Some actors were decent. Some were really stilted and wooden. Milla Jovovich can do these films in her sleep and still looks good doing it. And Michelle Rodriguez was pretty good as both Rain characters. She seemed to be really enjoying herself, which was great to see.

All in all, I thought RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION was a below average effort, but at least it was an improvement over the last two films. It's on par with the first flick, although I still find RE: APOCALYPSE to be the highlight of the franchise. Good action, great visuals, and interesting ideas and concepts can be seen. Too bad the acting is just there and the story is non-existent. Hopefully the next, and supposedly last, installment will send this franchise out with a bang rather than a whimper. Judging by the final moments, it SHOULD be a good conclusion to a pretty mediocre, if not somewhat entertaining at times, franchise.


SCORE

1.5 Howls Outta 4

The WTF? Worst Films Extravaganza Presents: Bloodrayne (2005)

DIRECTED BY
Uwe Boll

STARRING
Kristanna Loken - Rayne
Michael Madsen - Vladimir
Matt Davis - Sebastian
Michelle Rodriguez - Katarin
Ben Kingsley - Lord Kagan
Will Sanderson - Domastir
Billy Zane - Prince Elrich
Meat Loaf Aday - Leonid
Udo Kier - Regal Monk

Genre - Horror/Action/Vampires/Video Games

Running Time - 95 Minutes


PLOT - In the 18th Century, Rayne (Kristanna Loken) is a Dhamphir, born as both a human and a vampire. She's part of some traveling circus troop that showcases freaks, considering Rayne's DNA as a perfect sell for the circus. But this changes one night when one of the carnies attempts to rape Rayne, causing Rayne to defend herself by biting and sucking his blood. High on plasma, Rayne pretty much murders the rest of the circus and escapes.

Meanwhile, three vampire hunters (Michael Madsen, Matthew Davis, and Michelle Rodriguez) from the Brimstone Society are chasing after Rayne, seeking her help in overthrowing their main enemy, Lord Kagan (Ben Kingsley) - who happens to be the King of all vampires as well as Rayne's birth father. Wanting revenge on Kagan for murdering her mother when she was child, Rayne joins these hunters to collect certain relics that have been scattered across the world that would help in defeating Lord Kagan and ending his tyranny once and for all.

REVIEW

STORY - Man, what a cool film! So much great action, interesting drama, and cool blood effects! But enough about DAYBREAKERS. Let's talk about BLOODRAYNE.

WHAT THE FUCK!?

Seriously, I don't know why I watch these Uwe Boll directed films. I know going in that they're going to be bad, yet I still manage to be quite surprised when I'm proven right. While BLOODRAYNE isn't Boll's worst film, it's still a terrible movie that takes a decent video game franchise and makes it less interesting than it really ought to be.

I'll talk about Uwe Boll's role a bit later, but right now, let's discuss Guinevere Turner's really horrible screenplay. Now let me get the good out of the way: at least BLOODRAYNE has a linear narrative I can understand. It goes from point A to point B to point C without much confusion as to why the film goes where it needs to go. Other than that, just really bad in almost every way.

For one, I don't understand why Turner would change the setting for BLOODRAYNE. For those who have played the games or even know something about them, BloodRayne took place in the 1930s during the time of Nazi uprising. Rayne is recruited to stop this from happening, due to her abilities to walk in daylight while being a vicious vampire in combat. I know eventually the movie franchise would deal with Nazis in BLOODRAYNE: THE THIRD REICH, but to not set that plotline up in the beginning seems kind of silly. I don't mind medieval settings, but that isn't BLOODRAYNE. So why change things? This also results in changing Lord Kagan's character, as he's not associated with the Nazi party, but just a normal vampire lord who rules an ancient land. In a way, this takes something away from Kagan, as the whole Nazi thing would have pushed the evil factor over the edge. Instead, it's just another medieval piece involving vampires. Been there, done that.

Another major flaw in the script is that things just happen for the sake of happening. There's no development at all in this film for the plot or its characters, making BLOODRAYNE less dimensional than the video game it's based on. Rayne and the members of the Brimstone Society must hunt down relics that would give Rayne great power to destroy Lord Kagan, but this sub-plot doesn't do much with this information. In the games, these relics were used to summon a demon that would help aid Adolf Hitler. But here? I have no real idea what they're used for other than granting someone power. To be honest with you, this entire quest sub-plot could have been edited out and not much would have changed in the film besides a couple of moments involving certain characters that could have been rewritten in the pre-production phase. It just feels like a cliche rather than something of substance. In fact, BLOODRAYNE is one big cliche - the villain is some evil King or Queen who has done wrong to the hero, different kingdoms must battle for dominance as they hunt down for some relic that holds great power, and of course sword and sorcery due to its medieval setting. It wants to be more epic than it actually is, which makes BLOODRAYNE more laughable and silly than anything else.

More random sub-plots: Billy Zane's Prince Elrich character - umm...why was he in the film again? He's in the film for maybe two minutes and he was just...there. Meat Loaf's character Leonid added nothing but bad acting and directing to an already terrible film. His character didn't have a point either and the scene felt like it was added in at the last minute. Plus, why did a certain member of the Brimstone Society decide to turn on his/her teammates out of the blue? It was slightly built up for five seconds and didn't feel logical at all. In fact, a lot of BLOODRAYNE involves scenes where you wonder why they're even in the film to begin with. Nothing feels natural in this film, but rather forced because these things have to happen in order for the film to work.

The characters aren't developed at all, besides Rayne really. Rayne wasn't exactly three-dimensional either, but at least she had a backstory and a logical revenge mission I could kind of relate to. In a way, this also reflects well on Lord Kagen since his character is very much connected to Bloodrayne. But what about the other characters? I had no idea who these people were! You had a group in the Brimstone Society that could have really made the story more effective and interesting [they're pretty anti-vampire, yet need the help of a vampire to defeat their main villain], but nothing is done with them. Vladimir is the gruff leader with a bad haircut. Sebastian is the young warrior who likes Rayne. Katarin is the tough chick who doesn't like authority, even though she seemed fine with it at the beginning. Other than that, I don't know enough about these people to care about their well-being! Even the villains were vague! Not everyone knows the story of the video game. This is the perfect script that needed fleshing out, yet Turner doesn't do that.

And let's not even get into the dialogue. It's atrocious and I felt bad for these actors for having to have to speak out their lines. It just felt forced and stilted. I wasn't convinced by anything these characters were saying and I don't think the actors were either. It was just unnatural sounding. I can't believe this was the same person who co-wrote AMERICAN PSYCHO in 2000. What happened? Even if Boll and/or the producers stepped in and put their own ideas into the script, the screenplay shouldn't have been this bad.

DIRECTION - Uwe Boll is known as the modern day Ed Wood with claims that he's the worst working director today. While his films do tend to be below average, Boll has directed worse films than BLOODRAYNE. The editing is good until the fight sequences, where the film looks a bit awkward and kind of there. The pacing could have been quicker, but it doesn't feel too slow. Mathias Neumann, who is the cinematographer for the film, does do a good job in making the film look really nice, as well as displaying some stylish and interesting shots. But other than that, the direction is okay at best. The film should have had more tension, suspense, and a sense of epicness. But it doesn't have any of that. But I don't think it's Boll's worst film. Not at all.

EDGE FACTOR - Since BLOODRAYNE deals with vampires and swords, the film is pretty violent. We get the usually biting into necks, and swords slicing throats, thrusting through torsos and guts, and even one impaling an eye. We also get some head cutting and stuff with arrows. There's definitely enough blood here.

As for sex, we get some boobs during Leonid's weird orgy. We also get to see Kristanna Loken's breasts during her sex scene with Matthew Davis. Those puppies sure woke me up when they made an appearance. Definitely worthy of an R rating.

ACTING - The acting is pretty poor in BLOODRAYNE. Kristanna Loken isn't great, but she tries to give a decent performance as Rayne. She definitely wanted to make the character work, but the script really wouldn't let her. I thought she was one of the better actors though. Michael Madsen looked embarrassed to be in the film. He probably had to pay some bills and did the film to make ends meet. Matthew Davis was just bland as hell. He's done better work than this. Michelle Rodriguez snarled as usual. Her attempt at a Medieval accent was interesting to hear. Ben Kingsley looked like he was having fun as Lord Kagen. Or maybe he saw his career flash before his eyes, I dunno. Billy Zane did well with his short appearance, as well as Udo Kier. Meat Loaf was just plain bad though. Talk about hamming it up! The film has an interesting cast, but doesn't give them much material to work with unfortunately.

THE FINAL HOWL
BLOODRAYNE is definitely WTF? Vault worthy, yet I've seen a lot worse than this one. The film is indeed bad and not worth wasting 95 minutes of your life over, but at least the direction is okay, the narrative is linear [even though everything else about it sucks], and Kristanna Loken tries her best with what she's given. I would seriously watch this film over ALONE IN THE DARK and IN THE NAME OF THE KING: A DUNGEON SIEGE TALE. So that's a positive in itself, I guess. Off to the Vault with you, BLOODRAYNE, but I'm not inviting you in to kiss my ass. I like my cheeks fang free, thank you!

SCORE
1 Howl Outta 4