Invasion USA (1985) w/ The DTV Connoisseur

In this episode, I joined Matt Poirier (the DTV Connoisseur) as we look at the 1985 Cannon classic, INVASION USA. Before that, we discuss Marvel Studios' THUNDERBOLTS* (recorded prior to its release), and where things are going for the MCU. Then with the film, we get into Chuck Norris as the hero, and then instead of doing a full walkthrough, we go over the many highlights.

Horror 101 w/ Dr. AC: THE BEST (AND WORST) SLASHERS OF 1980!! | HORROR HISTORY

(I recorded this awhile ago with a cool panel of people and forgot to share it. So here it is. Enjoy!)

WHO WANTS TO TALK SLASHER MOVIES??? 

TITLES DISCUSSED: Friday the 13th, To All a Good Night, Terror on Tour, Don't Answer the Phone, Don't Go in the House, Prom Night, Terror Train, He Knows You're Alone, Mother's Day, Funeral Home, Christmas Evil, New Year's Evil

The 1980s were a pivotal year for horror films, and the decade kicked off with some of the most influential entries in the genre! Join our panel of horror experts as we discuss the origins, lasting impact, and evolution of the slasher, covering everything from the technical aspects to their cultural significance, changing the landscape of cinema forever. 

Key films such as Friday the 13th introduced the world to Jason Voorhees (and became a cultural phenomenon in the process), while Canadian offerings like Prom Night, Terror Train, and Funeral Home added their own unique twists to the formula, setting the stage for a wave of imitators.

We’ll explore the masked killer tropes, the rise of Final Girls, and how these films captivated audiences with their ground-breaking gore FX, suspenseful stalk and slash sequences, and unforgettable characters.

Whether you're a die-hard fan or a newcomer to the genre, our conversation about the blood-soaked slasher movies of 1980 has something for everyone!

Dreamscape (1984)

DREAMSCAPE (1984)

Directed By: Joseph Ruben

Starring: Dennis Quaid, Max von Sydow, Christopher Plummer, Eddie Albert, Kate Capshaw, David Patrick Kelly, George Wendt

Genre: Drama/Science Fiction/Thriller/Horror

Running Time: 99 Minutes

Plot: 

In order to diagnose the psychic traumas suffered by his patients, Dr. Paul Novotny gets young Alex Gardner to enter their dreams.

Review: 

It’s a shame that 1984’s DREAMSCAPE isn’t as cool as the misleading poster that’s advertising the film. Instead of an INDIANA JONES romp with some horror elements implemented, DREAMSCAPE is pretty much a sci-fi drama that becomes a bit more political as the film moves forward. The film takes elements of movies before it, like SCANNERS and THE DEAD ZONE, while at the same time being a movie that probably inspired others that improved on its premise like INCEPTION or PAPRIKA. Hell, this isn’t even the best 1984 film involving nightmares or an evil person with claws!

Yes, the nightmares look pretty bad 40 years later due to the obvious green screen effects. Yes, the film has a lot of plot threads going on that don’t feel like they should connect or even feel important by the end of the film. And yes, the characters are pretty much archetypes without much depth. Most of them are even unlikable in several ways, including our main protagonist played by Dennis Quaid.

But you have to admire DREAMSCAPE’s ambition for trying to balance all of this out, even if it doesn’t fully reach its potential. Despite the not-so-great visual effects, the nightmare scenarios are still pretty cool to see realized. That Snakeman monster is just awesome looking and he should have had more of a presence throughout the movie. And the plot is intriguing enough to make you want to see how it’ll all end.

Plus, you can’t go wrong with that cast. Dennis Quaid is great as a smug jerk who later becomes heroic. Kate Capshaw, who gets more to do in THE TEMPLE OF DOOM the same year, isn’t bad as Quaid’s love interest. Having Max von Sydow and Christopher Plummer, two masterclass actors, play against each other is wonderful. David Patrick Kelly brings some of that WARRIORS villainy in what should’ve been a bigger role. And George Wendt is here too! 

DREAMSCAPE is a decent timewaster that’s worth a look if you want to see a film about nightmares in 1984 that wasn’t directed by Wes Craven. This one could probably use the remake treatment, although I feel like INCEPTION was pretty much the peak of these dream scenario movies.

SCORE

2.5 Howls Outta 4

(6 out of 10)

Silent Night, Deadly Night Part II (1987) w/ The DTV Connoisseur

In this Christmas themed episode, I joined Matt Poirier from DTVC Podcast to discuss the holiday horror sequel SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT PART II. Before that, we look at the year that was in theatrical releases, the winners and losers, and what we expect for next year.

Then with the film itself, we get into how much of the first film was recycled in this sequel, and then what we get that's new that's so iconic.

It's Garbage Day!

Howls of the Week (10/29/23 - 11/04/23)

This will probably be a new feature, similar to the old monthly LUNAR CYCLE I used to do. I figured I would just post quick thoughts on films I've recently seen, while giving bigger/solo spotlights to more popular/important films. Let's see how this goes.

BLOOD FOR DRACULA (1974)

Directed By: Paul Morrissey

Starring: Udo Kier, Joe Dallesandro, Vittorio de Sica, Maxine McKendry

Genre: Horror/Vampires

Running Time: 103 Minutes

Score: 3 Howls Outta 4 (8 out of 10)

Plot: Deathly ill Count Dracula and his slimy underling, Anton, travel to Italy in search of a virgin’s blood. They’re welcomed at the crumbling estate of indebted Marchese Di Fiore, who’s desperate to marry off his daughters to rich suitors. But there, instead of pure women, the count encounters incestuous lesbians with vile blood and Marxist manservant Mario, who’s suspicious of the aristocratic Dracula.

Review:

Presented by Andy Warhol after the cult success of FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN, BLOOD FOR DRACULA is director’s Paul Morrissey’s superior follow up that focuses on Dracula and her servant traveling to Italy searching for virgin blood, as Dracula is severely ill from a lack of pure sustenance. While the acting is not great and the story isn’t the strongest, BLOOD FOR DRACULA is very worthwhile for a few reasons.

One, Morrissey’s direction is very good, as he uses many camera techniques and shot-scales to enhance the narrative. The cinematography is also well done, as this film is quite beautiful to look at.

Two, the subtext in this film is very strong and shows that a Dracula in a modern world probably wouldn’t survive for too long. There’s commentary on politics, class status [a rich Count is feeding on the poor to make himself richer] and the deterioration of religion when it comes to sex. The fact that this Dracula turns literal green after feeding on non-virgin blood twice within a supposed religious household says it all.

And three, this has to be one of the sleaziest DRACULA films ever put to screen. Incestuous siblings, a servant who forces himself on women [who ends up being the hero strangely] and disgusting acts like Dracula crawling on the floor to lick up virgin blood after a girl has been sexually assaulted to save her life from the Count. Not to mention, the epic finale that will probably make you lose a few limbs like you’re a Black Knight in a Monty Python sketch.

This is a DRACULA story that needs to be watched if you enjoy a memorable vampire flick.

VAMPYRES (1974)

Directed By: José Ramón Larraz

Starring: Marianne Morris, Anulka Dziubinska, Murray Brown, Brian Deacon, Sally Faulkner

Genre: Horror/Vampires

Running Time: 88 Minutes

Score: 2.5 Howls Outta 4 (6 out of 10)

Plot: A duo of bisexual female vampires prey on passing motorists, whom they seduce and murder in the English countryside. 

Review: 

A story of bisexual vampires luring people at night to satiate their bloodlust, Jose Ramon Larraz’s VAMPYRES is a visually stunning film that unfortunately doesn’t have much of a story to really invest in. This film is a sleazy slow burn, with the two lead actresses seducing characters and the audiences with their good looks and sexual chemistry with each other. Cinemax would be proud of the sex scenes displayed in this movie. The use of the film’s main setting, a mansion in the countryside, is well done. The forest outside of this mansion almost seems like a character in itself, as these beautiful vampires just lurk around waiting for victims. It’s just too bad there’s not much of a story besides the brutal opening scene and a love triangle of sorts between the two vampires and a male victim one of them is in love with. VAMPYRES is not a scary film, more focused on titillating the audience. But watching the male lead kiss one of the actresses multiple times was pretty nightmare inducing. Open mouth, flailing tongue and just nasty love making all around. Even beautiful vampires can have a lack of taste, I guess.

FASCINATION (1979)

Directed By: Jean Rollin

Starring: Franca Mai, Jean-Marie Lamaire, Brigitte Lahaie, Fanny Magier

Genre: Horror/Vampires

Running Time: 80 Minutes

Score: 3 Howls Outta 4 (8 out of 10)

Plot: A runaway criminal breaks into an eerie chateau, taking its two frightened chambermaids hostage. As night falls, a group of mysterious aristocratic women arrive and the criminal begins to realize the women are hiding a sinister secret.

Review: 

My first Jean Rollin film ever, believe it or not, the French-language FASCINATION is a vampire movie that surprised me with how well shot and how well told it was. The plot is super simple, with a thief hiding inside a chateau with two beautiful servants who obviously aren’t as they seem. The film is romantic, melodramatic and has very memorable moments throughout. I think the iconic scene is the scythe sequence, which is full of tension and suspense. It’s also quite stunning to look at. For an 80 minute film, it sets up a lot for the first two acts before crashing into a sinister and bloody final act that feels mostly ironic to what we knew of these characters and their situations before. It’s also interesting how they tried to make the thief into an anti-hero of sorts by the end, even though it doesn’t really feel earned. But love will make you do some strange things, whether it’s returned or not. FASCINATION proves that there’s beauty in horror.

THE HUNGER (1983)

Directed By: Tony Scott 

Starring: Catherine Deneuve, David Bowie, Susan Sarandon, Cliff DeYoung, Beth Ehlers, Dan Heyada

Genre: Horror/Drama/Vampires

Running Time: 97 Minutes

Score: 3 Howls Outta 4 (8 out of 10)

Plot: Miriam promises her lovers the gift of eternal life, but John, her companion for centuries, suddenly discovers that he is getting old minute by minute, so he looks for Dr. Sarah Roberts, a researcher on the mechanisms of aging, and asks her for help.

Review: 

The late Tony Scott’s directorial debut, this cult classic adapted from a novel didn’t get a lot of love 40 years ago. And while it’s definitely imperfect, it shows Scott’s style that would only improve in his future works like TOP GUN and TRUE ROMANCE. It’s visually sleek, looking atmospheric and moody like those early MTV music videos, with quick editing and juxtapositions to make certain moments pop. While the story could be stronger, I do appreciate the themes addressed in the film. Having the man deal with the effects of aging instead of a woman is an interesting touch, especially when this struggle also seems to be a commentary on the AIDS epidemic that had only just become known two years prior. The performances are very good with Catherine Deneuve being a strong presence as Miriam, who gives her lovers the promise of an eternal life but had all of them age on her quickly for some reason. David Bowie is captivating as Deneuve’s husband, John, getting to play with aging makeup and a pretty messed-up murder sequence. And Susan Sarandon is stunning as the doctor who is studying these aging effects, but gets caught up in Miriam’s web to bad results. Any film that starts out with a Bauhaus performance definitely deserves one’s attention.

Howls of the Week (10/22/23 - 10/28/23)

This will probably be a new feature, similar to the old monthly LUNAR CYCLE I used to do. I figured I would just post quick thoughts on films I've recently seen, while giving bigger/solo spotlights to more popular/important films. Let's see how this goes.

SANTO AND BLUE DEMON VS. DRACULA AND THE WOLFMAN (1973)

Directed By: Miguel M. Delgado

Starring: Santo, Blue Demon, Aldo Monti, Agustin Martinez Solares, Nubia Marti, Maria Eugenia San Martin, Alfredo Wally Barron, Jorge Mondragon

Genre: Horror/Action/Adventure/Vampires/Werewolves 

Running Time: 90 Minutes

Score: 2.5 Howls Outta 4 (6 out of 10)

Plot: After facing defeat at the hands of Cristaldi the magician, Dracula is back to seek revenge and rule the world. With the help of Wolfman and his legion of followers, victory seems eminent. Professor Cristaldi, a descendant of the magician, is warned about Dracula’s plans and calls upon El Santo and Blue Demon in the hopes that they can put the infamous Count and the werewolf down for good.

Review: Another installment starring the two most famous Lucha Libre wrestlers of their era, SANTO & BLUE DEMON VS. DRACULA & THE WOLFMAN involves a scientist who brings back Dracula and the Wolfman to the living world after being manipulated by a scheming hunchback. Apparently the scientist’s ancestors took care of Dracula centuries before, making him plot revenge on him and his female relatives - one who is dating Santo.

It’s not as good as SANTO & BLUE DEMON VS. THE MONSTERS, but it’s still a fun time overall. Evil Dracula [played by a returning Aldo Monti] bites some people, hypnotizes other people and even tries to get his revenge on a clueless child who has some of the worst English dubbing ever. The werewolf, beautifully named Rufus Rex, uses his human good looks and “heroics” to manipulate the scientist’s daughter. You get your standard wrestling matches [which are done on a soundstage with no visible crowd for some reason], Santo and Blue Demon fighting off vampires and a group of hairy werewolves over a pit and other silliness to pass the runtime. The film was obviously inspired by the Hammer and/or Paul Naschy films of the era, making this film super colorful and visually polished [this film definitely had a budget]. I think fans of Santo, Blue Demon, or both will get a kick out of this one.

CHANOC AND THE SON OF SANTO VS. THE KILLER VAMPIRES (1983)

Directed By: Rafael Perez Grovas

Starring: Santo, El Hijo del Santo, Nelson Velazquez, Arturo Cobo, Rubi Re, Marcos Vargas

Genre: Horror/Comedy/Action/Vampires

Running Time: 85 Minutes

Score: 0.5 Howls Outta 4 (2 out of 10)

Plot: Chanoc fights alongside Santo’s son against the Killer Vampires.

Review: Before his retirement a year later, Santo appears one last time in his wrestling persona on film as he passes the torch to his real life son in the opening moments of this movie. You’d think with a younger version of Santo, the action and story would be more exciting and modern for a new generation of people. But in one of the worst films I’ve seen all year, CHANOC & THE SON OF SANTO VS. THE KILLER VAMPIRES is a waste of everyone’s time. That includes the people who were part of this production and for anyone who spent 85 minutes suffering through this thing. If it wasn’t for the fact that this film looks alright and there are some decent musical sequences (!), this would be a total dud. 

Not only is it dull for the most part, but we’re stuck with two actors playing these annoying old men who are trying to pass as comic relief. I thought this was a Son of Santo film, but he feels like a supporting character in his own movie. The wrestling scenes feel like a parody of what they once were. The action is repetitive. Random scenes pop up to fill up time because there isn’t much of a story here. And those killer vampires? You maybe get five minutes worth with them and they don’t seem to be real vampires anyway. They’re just a gang dressed as them to scare people. It’s really depressing to see how low this series has fallen. I pretty much hated this movie and would never ever watch this again.

FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S (2023)

Directed By: Emma Tammi

Starring: Josh Hutcherson, Piper Rubio, Elizabeth Lail, Matthew Lillard, Mary Stuart Masterson

Genre: Horror/Mystery/Supernatural/Ghosts/Robots

Running Time: 110 Minutes

Score: 1.5 Howls (4 out of 10)

Plot: Recently fired and desperate for work, a troubled young man named Mike agrees to take a position as a night security guard at an abandoned theme restaurant: Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria. But he soon discovers that nothing at Freddy’s is what it seems.

Review: Based on the popular video game, Universal and Blumhouse apparently hit the box-office jackpot with their adaptation that may have brought Josh Hutcherson back to the A-list. If I were a fan of the games or even younger, I probably would have enjoyed this. But it honestly didn’t do much for me overall. I do love the Jim Henson animatronics, cool practical effects and a well-acted cast who are totally game to bring these ideas to life. But I didn’t find the film scary and some of the screenwriting and twists are odd and predictable. Like characters just buy everything that’s going on in the film without an ounce of skepticism, which didn’t allow enough drama to play out. And there’s so much story in this film that it becomes a bit long-in-the-tooth after a while. I’m glad people watched this in theaters and on Peacock for a successful Halloween weekend. But I’d probably just watch WILLY’S WONDERLAND, since that seems to be more of my vibe.

NO ONE WILL SAVE YOU (2023)

Directed By: Brian Duffield

Starring: Kaitlyn Dever, Elizabeth Kaluev, Zack Duhame, Lauren L. Murray

Genre: Thriller/Horror/Science Fiction/Aliens

Running Time: 97 Minutes

Score: 3 Howls Outta 4 (7 out of 10)

Plot: A young woman who’s been alienated from her community finds herself in a face-off against a host of extraterrestrial beings who threaten her future while forcing her to deal with her past.

Review: I finally caught up with this Hulu exclusive after all the hype it received last month. While I didn’t think it was the greatest film ever, I did enjoy it for the most part. An alien invasion movie is nothing new and this film doesn’t really reinvent the wheel, instead just turning this into a home invasion/INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS redo. But I liked how the film worked well without much dialogue [I believe only five lines are said throughout this movie]. The lack of dialogue is greatly helped by a wonderful performance by BOOKSMART actress Kaitlyn Dever, whose body language and facial expressions tell you everything you need to know. She carried this movie on her back like a champ. Her character arc was also very interesting, especially how her neighborhood hated her for whatever reason, leading to a reveal in the final act that I wasn’t expecting. I also thought the ending could be interpreted in multiple ways depending on who you are, which I think may have divided many people if social media is any indication. But the CGI aliens are interesting looking enough, but nothing that you’ll remember a month from now. And the film is pretty much just one tough woman defending herself against aliens and her own town, which slowly becomes overrun by pod people. I’m not sure if I would watch this again, unless it was for a podcast or something. But I do recommend it if you’re looking for a science fiction film done mostly right.

OUT THERE HALLOWEEN MEGA TAPE (2022)

Directed By: Chris LaMartina

Starring: Melissa LaMartina, Ted Geoghegan

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Running Time: 91 Minutes

Score: 3 Howls Outta 4 (8 out of 10)

Plot: Gorge yourself on candy corn and hunker down for a haunted house party filled with aliens, vamps, and phantom tramps via this hard-to-find flick from an infamous East Coast ’90’s bootleg video operation. Straight from the archives of Trader Tony’s Tape Dungeon, the “Out There Halloween Mega Tape” was assembled from the highest quality source materials available and presented just as it was sold via Trader Tony’s mail order catalog in the 1990’s.

Review: The sequel to the 2013 cult hit WNUF HALLOWEEN SPECIAL, this sequel is actually a lot of fun and gets all the 90s pop culture references and advertisements fairly perfectly. More comedy than its predecessor, OUT THERE HALLOWEEN MEGA TAPE is mainly focused on daytime talk show host Ivy Sparks.

The first half of the feature revolves around her talk show, where she has several guests - including a wife who is cheating on her husband with a female ghost and a vampire who is forced by a family member into one of those makeovers. The vibe of the show is definitely Ricki Lake, mixed with some Maury and Jerry Springer as well. 

The second half is a parody of that FOX paranormal show from the 90s, Sightings, which focuses on an impending alien invasion and a Heaven’s Gate like cult who believe the aliens are coming to take them to their home planet since Earth is wasting away due to climate change and pollution. It makes fun of Heaven’s Gate and their beliefs, while poking light at how the government is hiding the truth about extraterrestrials by disrupting their television special. Ivy Sparks, having been fired from her talk show, is now "Out There’s" co-host and pretty much does her schtick to a bunch of annoyed brainwashed cult members.

The real gem with this sequel is obviously the commercials throughout the mega tape, which capture those memorable ads you watched on television during the 1990s. All of them are really funny and I was impressed with the research and time put into each and every one of them. Definitely recommended.

SORORITY SLAUGHTER (1994)

Directed By: Gary Whitson

Starring: Tina Krause, Dave Castiglione, Debbie D, Deana Enoches, Laura Giglio

Genre: Horror/Slasher

Running Time: 87 Minutes

Score: 0.5 Howls Outta 4 (2 out of 10)

Plot: Three sorority girls play a prank on their creepy neighbor, Hugo. He is accidentally shot and killed, but returns to life in order to kill them as human sacrifices in order to grant himself immortality.

Review: The only thing that’ll be slaughtered is your time, as SORORITY SLAUGHTER is the longest 87 minutes of your life. Shot on video, this film contains some of the longest scenes of nothing you’ll ever see. Ever wanted to experience a strangle sequence that lasts about 10 minutes? Have you ever wanted to watch characters wash a car for 15 minutes? You ever wished you could have human sacrifices mixed with random T-shirt contests? What about sex scenes where none of the actors seem into it at all? Then this film is for you! Hell, was there even a sorority in this movie?? There’s even an extended cut and a sequel to this! I usually like Tina Krause but this film is just pure torture. Probably the worst thing I’ve seen all week.

Lunar Cycle - November 2022

Since I don’t have as much time to write longer reviews than I used to, I figured I would just post shorter reviews for horror/cult films that I feel deserve your attention.

Directed By: Thom Eberhardt Starring: Catherine Mary Stewart, Kelli Maroney, Robert Baltran, Sharon Farrell, Mary Woronov, Geoffrey Lewis Genre: Horror/Science Fiction/Comedy/Zombies Running Time: 95 Minutes Score: 3 Howls Outta 4 (8 out of 10) Plot: Two girls from the Valley wake up to find that a passing comet has eradicated their world and left behind a mysterious red-dust and a pack of cannibal mutants. With the help of a friendly truck driver, the girls save the earth from a villainous “think tank,” karate chop their way through flesh-eating zombies, and, of course, find time to go to the mall.

Review: Thom Eberhardt’s cult flick NIGHT OF THE COMET is the post-apocalyptic sci-fi horror film for those nostalgic for arcade games, mall shopping and satire on Reaganism and consumerism. Inspired by multiple 50’s B-movies, THE OMEGA MAN and DAWN OF THE DEAD, this movie takes a dystopian world and infuses it with neon lights, new-wave and pop-rock and a rad vibe due to colorful characters who have a sarcastic view on their new reality. The film is boosted by fun lead performances from Catherine Mary Stewart [Regina] and Kelli Maroney [Samantha], who bring intelligence and toughness [Regina] or clueless, yet bubbly sass to lighten up the mood [Samantha]. It also helps NIGHT OF THE COMET having a good supporting cast as well, including future Star Trek: Voyager star Robert Baltran as love interest Hector and Mary Woronov playing a kind scientist who has to deal with colleagues who want to use any survivors as test subjects for their own survival. Eberhardt’s direction infuses a lot of mood and atmosphere through great cinematography by Arthur Albert, who captures the desolate isolation of an empty Los Angeles during Christmastime. The set locations, like the radio station and the mall are used really well and place NIGHT OF THE COMET during a certain era. From piles of dust due to curious people staring at a comet, to zombies who want to attack our survivors, Eberhardt shoots everything with a nice pace and a switching of tones that organically takes a serious topic and turns it into something lighthearted that makes the film’s message easier to swallow. I do wish the film had embraced its horror aspect more, as we barely deal with any zombies throughout much of the film. The film is more of a comedy than a horror movie anyway, but some tension would have been nice. I also think the film’s ending is a bit hokey and cheesy, only there to bring back an Easter egg from the opening moments of the movie. But other than that, NIGHT OF THE COMET is a good time if you’re looking for some light cinema that embraces its cheese.

Directed By: Tarsem Singh Starring: Jennifer Lopez, Vincent D’Onofrio, Vince Vaughn, Catherine Sutherland, Dylan Baker, Marianne Jean-Baptiste, Jake Weber, Dean Morris Genre: Horror/Science Fiction/Thriller Running Time: 107 Minutes Score: 3 Howls Outta 4 (7 out of 10) Plot: A psychotherapist journeys inside a comatose serial killer in the hopes of saving his latest victim.

Review: An underrated sci-fi police procedural, 2000’s THE CELL would probably be forgotten about if it weren’t for the strength of the movie’s leads and the impressive visual presentation by director Tarsem Singh and cinematographer Paul Laufer. The visuals, especially, are what make THE CELL stand out from other contemporaries of the time like THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS and SE7EN, resembling more films like 1984’s DREAMSCAPE or A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET flick. Each scene inside any of the leads’ minds looks like a music video, which is not surprising since Singh directed R.E.M.’s “Losing My Religion” [a scene in the film actually resembles one of the set pieces from that very video]. This is the work of a man who has let his imagination run wild, with so many stylish motifs inspired by famous art pieces. There’s fashion happening throughout the movie, with the actors given different looks to play off of. Even so, everything visually seems a bit off, with colors being both bright and muted at the same time, while figures in the background throw you off with strange poses and interesting visual aspects that don’t seem right to the human eye. It’s a stunning looking film with disturbing images, like a serial killer hovering over his victim via hooks through his naked back, or someone getting cut up to the point where their intestines are pulled out and played with. Even in 2022, I’m still impressed by this film’s strong direction. The cast seems game for all of it. In particular, Vincent D’Onofrio stands out as the film’s villain - getting to haunt our heroes while wearing strange outfits and headpieces, enjoying the moment to play a menacing presence for much of the movie. Even his quieter moments stand out, revealing a real person despite the evil that permeates through him. Jennifer Lopez is much more quiet and sympathetic as our heroine, allowing the looks she displays throughout to speak for her much louder than her dialogue. Vince Vaughn is good as the supporting FBI Agent who shares memorable moments with both lead actors. The only negative is really the pedestrian and predictable police procedural that plays out, mainly in the film’s final act. There’s nothing really special about it and plays out exactly as one would expect it to. There are no real twists and turns when it comes to the story, and the film never really explains how one can travel into someone’s mind all that elaborately. I guess the film needs this plot to drive the action forward, but it’s honestly the least memorable thing about THE CELL. Still, THE CELL is a film I feel that should be watched at least once, or revisited if you haven’t seen it in a while. It’s still a visually impressive work of art that shows that originality and creativity can go a long way in a feature film.

Directed By: David Guy Levy Starring: Brittany Snow, Jeffrey Combs, Jonny Coyne, Lawrence Gilliard Jr., Enver Gjokaj, Sasha Grey, John Heard, Robin Lord Taylor Genre: Thriller/Horror Running Time: 93 Minutes Score: 3 Howls Outta 4 (7 out of 10) Plot: Desperate to help her ailing brother, a young woman agrees to compete in a deadly game of “Would You Rather”, hosted by a sadistic aristocrat.

Review: I was expecting a lame rip-off of films of the “torture porn” era like SAW or HOSTEL. But WOULD YOU RATHER is surprisingly a tense little thriller with some decent-to-good performances and cringe-worthy moments due to director David Guy Levy letting one’s imagination create something more gruesome than what appears on screen [or lack thereof]. Following SAW’s footsteps in tackling the concept of playing with one’s ethics and morality when it comes to surviving a terrible situation - in this case, with an added incentive of the last person standing with a large sum of money - the film does a pretty good job mixing noble and kindhearted characters with those who take pleasure in hurting others like it’s some sort of sport. While not the most developed screenplay with dynamic characters, the storytelling does enough to give us a glimpse of the different personalities who are part of this devious game and why they choose to make the decisions they make as things get more desperate towards the end. The games played in WOULD YOU RATHER aren’t really visualized in a gruesome way like the “games” that are presented in the SAW films. But the ideas behind them are pretty twisted. Would you rather electrocute the person next to you, or yourself? Would you rather whip a person’s back until they bleed to death, or stab someone with an ice pick instead? Or maybe you’d like to submerge your head in a barrel of water for two minutes or take your chances with a mystery card? Director David Guy Levy does a nice job building tension and suspense over the character’s choices and their subsequent actions, whether good or bad. Despite not being a stylish movie, Levy allows the script and the actors to be the focal point. Considering the low budget, this is definitely a good move. The actors play their parts well. The standouts are Brittany Snow as a sympathetic player who is constantly in conflict with her morality due to wanting to save her sick brother and needing the money to pay their bills, Jeffrey Combs as a hammy upper class host who twirls his proverbial mustache any chance he gets, and Robin Lord Taylor as the snobby rich son who got his kicks watching people in need suffer. WOULD YOU RATHER is a bit of an underrated little horror flick that I wasn’t expecting to enjoy as much as I did. There’s nothing really special about it, but the actors are mostly fine and the tension and suspense created by the screenplay and direction are solid. I was caught up in what I was watching and the ending is a bit of a kick to the nuts. If you got 90 minutes to spare, this is not a bad film to fill that time.

The B-Movie Bungalow: Biohazard (1985)

DIRECTED BY

Fred Olen Ray

STARRING

Aldo Ray - General Randolph

Angelique Pettyjohn - Lisa Martyn

William Fair - Mitchell Carter 

David O’Hara - Rieger 

Frank McDonald - Mike Hodgson

Art Payton - Dr. Williams 

Charles Roth - Jack Murphy

Christopher Ray - The Bio-Monster

Genre: Horror/Science Fiction/B-Movie

Runtime: 84 Minutes

PLOT

A group of skeptical government officials headed by General Randolph are brought to a remote laboratory for a demonstration in “Psychic Materialization”, a successful side effect of an experimental drug. But the project scientists had warned that not enough testing had been completed to assess safety concerns. In a freak accident during the demonstration to the politicians, a vicious creature is created! Unable to contain the monster, it unleashes unbelievable havoc & destruction against mankind! Reproducing itself at an alarming rate, and all known weapons seemingly powerless against the creature, the scientists are gravely concerned for the survival of mankind!

REVIEW

BIOHAZARD is a B-movie that I wanted to like more than I did, considering the film’s promotional art with that cool looking alien creature. But a bare bones plot with uninteresting characters, trying to stop a 4-foot alien monster as they drive around, make out and recite bad dialogue brings this film down for me. Despite its generic plot ripping off sci-fi movies like 1979’s ALIEN and 1982’s E.T.: THE EXTRA TERRESTRIAL, there’s not much in the way of story to dissect in BIOHAZARD. Also, actress Angelique Pettyjohn [who plays one of the more unconvincing psychics in a film] looked so much like Lady Gaga, that I wanted to watch A STAR IS BORN or HOUSE OF GUCCI instead. But at least the film is short, the alien outfit is better than one would expect with a low budget flick, the gore make-up is actually impressive and the film looks great considering its budget. And seriously, how many films do you know have a 7-year-old child masquerading as an alien creature as he mauls people in the neighborhood and rip up posters of E.T.? Plus, that jarring ending and a blooper reel that proves the best of the bad acting was in the actual film! Not so terrible that it lives up to its title, but BIOHAZARD is pretty average and doesn’t warrant much of a recommendation unless you watch with some buddies under the influence of booze or other substances. You could do a lot worse, I guess.

SCORE

2 Howls Outta 4

(5 out of 10)