"We Wish You a Turtles Christmas" (1994) [A ShitMas Post For Shit Movie Fest]

** Part of 2016's Shit Movie Fest's ShitMas celebration **

Another year, another ShitMas celebration here at Shit Movie Fest. I haven’t been the most festive person around this time of year for the past few years. I haven’t watched any Christmas movies that are meant to bring the joy and spirit of the holiday in my heart. I haven’t listened to Christmas music that will make me feel jolly. I’ve been watching holiday horror films that show us the dark side of Christmas to match the blackness of my heart. Bah humbug.

Speaking of “bah humbug”, I decided to torture myself this Christmas by watching the infamous “We Wish You a Turtle Christmas” special from 1994. Just when I thought the worst thing about Christmas was watching Alpha-5 and Zordon kidnap children to decorate the Command Center for the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, I stand corrected after watching this shell-shocking Christmas special. Cheap looking costumes, terrible Christmas interpretations, and terrible direction and narrative - Santa is taking a giant dump on my Merry Christmas.

“We Wish You a Turtle Christmas” begins with the Ninja Turtles singing about who they are and the ninja things they do. Or at least I think they’re singing since the giant Turtle mouths are either moving way too much to be in sync, or not moving at all. I guess the Ninja Turtles must have learned telekinesis since the last time I watched any of their adventures. Then after a minute of thrilling credits involving white lettering in front of a black screen, we’re treated to our first musical number.

The Turtles decide to welcome us with a rendition of “Deck the Halls”, reggae style. Right away, I start having suicidal thoughts. Even before the song, the Turtles are speaking with stereotypical New York accents. Joe Pesci and Robert DeNiro are offended by this portrayal of New Yorkers. Then the song starts and Leonardo is suddenly Jamaican! Bob Marley is rolling in his grave now. Speaking of the song, Leo wants to “deck the halls with pepperoni”.

What the fuck does that even mean??

During the song, Donatello asks Leo where his present is. Leo responds by not telling him. The Christmas Spirit, ladies and gentlemen! Leo ends the song by choking himself with his Christmas lights, which would have been my Christmas gift if Leo had actually succeeded in the act. Then again, it’s ShitMas.

After the first song ends, Raphael claims that their Christmas shopping is over. Thank God. That means this special is ov—- oh crap, they didn’t get Splinter a present. Eighteen more minutes of this, oh joy! The Turtles claim that stores close at 5pm, so they better hurry up and get Splinter something.

When in the actual fuck do any stores close at 5pm on Christmas Eve?? My brain hurts…

So to the tune of “Over the River and Through the Woods”, we get a “wonderful” rendition with the Turtles singing “Up Through the Sewers and to the Streets” with the Turtles’ mouths not moving at all. They’re Professor Xing my ass and I don’t like it. It leads right into another song that begins with street kids playing music on random objects. Then over and over and over and over and over and over again, the Turtles sing that they “Gotta Get a Gift for Splinter”.

You know, maybe if they started singing less and actually started shopping, I would be in less pain right now.

Anyway, Leo suggests a few gift ideas for Splinter:

• A bowling ball.

• Some ice skates.

• Sweater and neck tie.

• Go kart.

• Earmuffs.

And my favorite bit - a set of golf clubs, to which Donatello claims Splinter isn’t athletic enough for those.

WHAT!!??

He’s a Ninja master and he’s NOT athletic enough??? FUCK YOU, DONNIE.

The Turtles finally make it to the surface, claiming there are only 2 hours left for shopping. Are you serious? How long did all that sewer travel and singing take? I can’t even. And when do the Turtles just start walking in the streets in broad daylight without people freaking out? Out of nowhere, Michelangelo decides that it’s time for some opera singing. I will say that this is honestly the best part of this terrible special, since the song and the singing is actually quite nice.

But you know what happens when something good happens in this special? The rest of the Turtles shit all over it. Mikey’s brothers hate the song and his singing! Yeah, because their terrible crap was better. Mikey is me and the rest of them are this current generation who believe that “Panda” song is quality musicianship. And I don’t know… maybe if they hate Mikey’s singing so much, they could just walk away from the song and actually do some shopping! Just a thought, I guess. 

The Turtles claim they only have an hour left to shop, which makes me question whether these Ninja Turtles actually understand how time works since the song was only 3 minutes. Anyway, we have a terrible montage of the Turtles buying Splinter gifts. This leads us to another song called “Wrap Rap”. 

Get it? This pun is so hilarious, it must have been written by a current writer for Saturday Night Live. Leo raps about wrapping gifts for like 2 minutes, which is 5 minutes longer than this song had any right being. Started from the sewers and now we here, yo. The Turtles wish each other good night, giving me hope that they’ll never wake back up.

Unfortunately, Christmas arrives and some furry creature greets them as the Turtles exchange presents. This creature does look and sound kind of familiar….

Oh my God, what have they done to Splinter?? He looks like a wet possum!

Splinter decides to sing about the “12 Days of Christmas”, and I start wishing I had 12 different weapons to end my life. What did they give this poor rat, by the way?

12 April O’ Neill autographs. (Because he’ll get a penny each for each one on eBay)

11 pairs of sneakers (Every rat needs a pair of Jordans)

10 yellow Yo-Yos (Is… Is that racist?)

9 narrow neck ties (Is Splinter going to a fancy dinner soon? WTF?)

8 chopsticks (Okay, that’s definitely racist)

7 silk kimonos (For when Splinter entertains a lady friend)

6 frisbees (I thought he wasn’t athletic?)

5 video games (I wish I was playing video games right now instead of writing about this)

4 manhole covers (Now that’s just fucking stupid)

3 skateboards (I love it when people buy things for themselves when buying for others)

2 comic books (Well they are expensive these days)

1 pizza with pepperoni (I hate this damn special)

I love that at one point, Splinter forgets the lyrics and just moves the show along. Even he’s sick of this Christmas special. Leo even comments about the song being the longest ever. Now it’s being self-aware. Too late to impress me with your meta ways, Turtle Christmas.

And why are there like 5 kids in the sewers with Splinter and the Turtles on Christmas Day anyway? Oh God, they watched “Alpha’s Magical Christmas” and decided kidnapping children was a Christmas tradition! NAMBLA had destroyed this commercial holiday for 90s children everywhere!

Splinter thanks the Turtles for the gifts, but reminds them that the holiday is about sharing and being with those you love. So Splinter pretty much negated the entire premise of this special, as well as reminding me that I don’t love myself for watching this piece of crap. They then sing “We Wish You a Turtle Christmas”, but I’m too busy drinking myself to a stupor to care by this point.

Look if you’ve seen “We Wish You a Turtle Christmas”, you know how terrible it is. It won’t bring you Christmas cheer. It’s a waste of 23 minutes. Terrible songs. Insulting New York stereotypes. The costumes are awful. It’s one of the worst Christmas specials ever. For those who hate those Michael Bay produced films, watching this will change your mind on those movies. Even the Shredder avoided appearing in this, which should tell you something right there. Avoid like the plague and burn this alongside your Yuletide log. ShitMas at its finest. Or worst, depending on how you look at it.

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers' "Alpha's Magical Christmas" (1994) [A ShitMas Post For Shit Movie Fest]

 Part of Shit Movie Fest's 2013 ShitMas event.

Go here to read this review, as well as many others that will put you in the ShitMas Spirit!

I want to thank Thomas for inviting me to this year's ShitMas celebration. 2013 has already grated me with all this supposed holiday cheer. Annoying Christmas music. Christmas movies where everyone is smiling and laughing. Festive decorations all over the damn place. All this before Thanksgiving! Ugh! So I figured I'd continue to torture by reviewing something related to the 90's phenomenon known as the Power Rangers.

Now don't get me wrong. I friggin' LOVE the Power Rangers. My cousins introduced me to the show during the "Green With Evil" five-part miniseries that introduced Tommy, The Green Ranger, around the start of the first season. I stuck with the show for years, regardless of how cheesy and stupid [the appeal of the show to begin with] the episodes were. Plus, Amy Jo Johnson was super crush-worthy as Kimberly the Pink Ranger.

Oh Amy...

So seeing that everyone else was doing the tradition Christmas films and television specials, I decided to take it like a man and review one of the few Christmas episodes of the Power Rangers. However, there are like five of them and I didn't want to be in a suicide ward for 72 hours. So I decided to do just one. And honestly, it was a Christmas special I had never seen before. Why? Because it was exclusively made for VHS, never been shown on television [and for good reason]. It was released during the controversial second season of the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers era, as three of the original actors were let go from the show due to contract disputes and replaced by three new Rangers. Maybe that explains why this Christmas special is so damn terrible, I wanted the holiday to be cancelled for all eternity!

So without further ado, let's discuss the elusive Power Rangers Holiday Special - ALPHA'S MAGICAL CHRISTMAS.

Yes, the one character that will grab the massive fanbase is the sidekick robot who is one of the more annoying aspects of the show's history. But whatever. He's like C-3P0 mixed with Jar Jar Binks, being led to order by a giant floating head in a tube named Zordon. Yeah, I can smell the monies!

Anyway, let's get to the special itself.

So apparently in the Command Center, Alpha has a huge problem. He's a robot who also happens to be Catholic for whatever reason, and feels lonely during the holidays. He wishes his best friends [or the only people who don't want to turn him into scrap metal], the Power Rangers, were around to spend some holiday cheer with him. Zordon, being the kind wizard that he is, dryly tells Alpha that the Power Rangers are too busy for his metal ass because they're helping Santa Claus during his delivery of gifts.

Yes, apparently Santa Claus has trouble doing the ONE JOB has he all year and needs help from six adults passing for teenagers. Yeah, Saint Nick is the epitome of hard work and determination. By the way, we get a glimpse of Santa's "hard work" through the viewing globe [the Command Center's television] as he pets and feeds a reindeer. Wonderful.

Alpha, being a selfish prick, doesn't care about that and just wants to hang with the Rangers. Nevermind Zordon, who's always there for the robot. He's nobody! Only the Power Rangers matter!

That scrap metal deal is looking really good right now.

Alpha, having magical powers that he's never used at any point in the series, decides to use them to create Christmas decorations inside the Command Center. I've always wanted the power to bedazzle out of thin air. Zordon forgives Alpha for treating him like he's invisible, telling the robot to press the red button on the console [one of many that Alpha presses to create various results]. This creates a Christmas tree to float down from the ceiling, to Alpha's delight. What a waste of a button.

While this jazz is going down, we get one of the many terrible renditions of Christmas music throughout this 24 minute special - "O' Christmas Tree". A Twisted Christmas this ain't. During the song, we see a montage of different locations, with random children placing ornaments on their respective trees. Thrilling. I'm still hoping one of them will shoot their eye out with their BB Gun.

Alpha, being grateful for what he's been given, still wants MORE. Apparently, Zordon's presence or his giving isn't enough for this metal asshat. So Zordon tells Alpha to press a green button for another surprise. Apparently this will bring visitors to the Command Center.

Who will they be? The Power Rangers, who haven't appeared yet in their own special!? Santa's Elves? Bill Goldberg? That dude who loves saying, "GARBAGE DAY!"?

No, the button takes random children out of their homes and brings them to the Command Center.

HOLY FUCK - ZORDON AND ALPHA HAVE A BUTTON TO KIDNAP CHILDREN. MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS TO NAMBLA.

And to make things even creepier, the children actually KNOW Alpha and Zordon. This is some Neverland Ranch type stuff going on here. And it doesn't help that the kids group hug Alpha during "Here We Come A-Caroling". Seriously, I'm the one who needs Jesus Juice right now.

AND WHO THE FUCK IS SINGING THESE SONGS?? THE KIDS' LIPS ARE BARELY MOVING!!

Alpha is finally happy to have company and wants to party with these kids. By making them create the decorations for the party. What a classy host. So not only were these children kidnapped from their homes and are too stupid to realize that, they're now performing child labor during a less-than-stirring rendition of "Deck the Halls". And we're only SIX MINUTES IN! God help me...

Alpha is very happy with his slaves', I mean the children's work. Alpha then speaks with the children. He asks a blonde kid named Stephen about what he does during the holidays. Stephen says it snows where he lives and loves to sleigh ride. I have a feeling the creators of this special were playing in the snow before filming this, if you get my drift. Alpha then asks the children if they know how to sing "Jingle Bells".

Really Alpha? They're stupid, not mentally disabled. By the way, the song plays while Santa sleighs through the snow. He also dances with a pre-teen girl, while another girl named Suzy claps like a twit.

Speaking of Suzy, she wants to make Christmas cookies. When Alpha agrees, she claps again. Or in this case, they just use the previous clapping clip again. Pinching those pennies - gotta love greed. And of course, the children have to bake the cookies as "Good King Wencelas" plays. MORE CHILD LABOR. And Alpha actually eats the cookies!!

Why?

How?

Another kid named Michael doesn't want cookies. He wants presents. Finally, someone who understands the season of giving. So Alpha decides to finally step in and actually help the children makes gifts during "Up on the Housetop".

But Alpha doesn't want them opening gifts until Christmas morning. Ha! 

An alarm rings and the viewing globe reveals Santa having fun with the six Power Rangers.

Strangely though, Tommy is seen as the Green Ranger instead of the White Ranger. ...Alrighty. And as Santa sends Alpha his message, his beard is threatening to fall off the man's face. Not only is Saint Nick too lazy to send gifts to children by himself, but he's too lazy to grow an actual beard. Man, times are tough.

In probably the best [or worst] part of this entire special, the kids ask Alpha what he wants for Christmas. Alpha says that all he wants is to spend time with his best friends, the Power Rangers. And as "I'll Be Home For Christmas" plays, we get an epic montage of moments that definitely give off Christmas cheer. Like...

...Tommy slam dunking a basketball. Or random Rangers smiling for whatever reason. Or Billy doing flips in mid-air. Or Alpha headbutting a soccer ball. Or Alpha doing a head tilt. What about the Rangers high-fiving each other in mid-air?

Yes, all these things remind me of Christmas.

The kids decide to give Alpha a gift to lift his spirits.

RIDDLE TIME: What doesn't need batteries, won't ever run out, and can be taken anywhere?

Give up? It's the gift of LOVE!

*gags and pukes*

After I take some much needed Alka-Seltzer, Alpha sends the kids away - through a portal of white light.

Wow, now he's killing them. That's it kids, head towards the light. Save yourselves from this hell.

Alpha seems happy that he sent these stupid children into the afterlife. All of a sudden, three of the Power Rangers [the ones that needed the extra check after losing all dignity starring in this special] decide to show up. It's Billy, Kimberly, and Tommy...as the Green Ranger?? I thought he was the White Ranger?

Like Rita Repulsa, I have a headache thinking about Power Rangers continuity, or lack thereof.

Apparently, new Rangers Rocky, Adam, and Aisha couldn't make it because they were spending time at home with their families. Together. Riiiiiight.

Anyway, Tommy gives Alpha the gift of hoping Alpha has a smile in his heart.

I hate you, Tommy.

Kimberly gives Alpha the ability to have Christmas stay with Alpha all year long. She's lucky she's cute. Billy just wants everyone to be the person they're meant to be in a safe world.

I'm running out of Alka Seltzer here, guys...

The Rangers prepare to leave, but make the Command Center snow just for Alpha. And as "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" plays, we see a montage of random Power Ranger moments that have NOTHING to do with Christmas, but mostly Halloween.

FUCK THIS HOLIDAY SPECIAL.

Barely any Power Rangers. No Lord Zedd. No Rita Repulsa. No Goldar. No fighting. All I saw were kids being kidnapped, being forced into child labor, and being sent off to their deaths - all because a robot wanted company for Christmas. Nothing's shittier on Christmas than ALPHA'S MAGICAL CHRISTMAS!

Oooh, A CHRISTMAS STORY 2. Finally something good.....

The Watchtower of Justice: Beware The Batman [Episodes 1 - 6] (2013)

By Mike Huntley


When it comes to animated superhero shows, Batman The Animated Series is held by many to be the best of the lot. That series got everything right from the mood to the characters and especially the voice acting. Since then, Batman The Animated Series producers Bruce Timm and Paul Dini have expanded the DC Universe they crafted with Batman when they switched from Fox to The WB in the mid '90s. Then we got Superman The Animated Series, The New Batman Adventures, Batman Beyond, and then finally Justice League/Justice League Unlimited. 

While Bruce Timm and Paul Dini were working on Justice League, Warner Bros. Animation wanted to make Batman a solo animated show again. The next solo Batman series titled The Batman was inspired by anime and featured a very different take on the Batman mythos by following Bruce Wayne in his 3rd year of being Batman and meeting all of his classic rogues for the very first time. The Batman is often bashed by hardcore fans due to its character design of The Joker as well as it not being on the same level as Batman The Animated Series. Even with this small backlash, The Batman still managed to run a strong five seasons and even spawned a movie where Batman had to fight Dracula. Now I used to bash The Batman like the rest of them, but not too long ago decided to give it a fair chance and you know what? I came to like it quite a bit. As good as The Animated Series? No. But it was a fresh and interesting take on the Batman characters especially Mr. Freeze, Poison Ivy, Clayface, and Riddler. You just gotta adjust to the different style of animation and you may find yourself enjoying it for being different from Batman The Animated Series. 

Shortly after The Batman finished its 5 season course, Cartoon Network partnered with Warner Bros. Animation to station more animated shows based on DC Comics characters. In 2008, Batman The Brave and the Bold began, which was influenced a lot by the more campy Adam West Batman series from the '60s. A few years later, Young Justice began which was about the classic Justice League members' sidekicks training to join the next generation's JLA. Due to the popularity of Green Lantern in 2011, a CG animated series was made. By the ending of 2012/beginning of 2013, Cartoon Network decided to cancel Batman The Brave and the Bold, Young Justice, and Green Lantern. This infuriated fans quite a bit especially about Young Justice which from the looks of it, actually looked like a decent show. 

But, with these cancellations, Warner Bros. Animation/Cartoon Network announced a new animated Batman TV series that was going to be different from all of the other Batman animated shows we've seen in the past. For starters, it was going to be CG animation instead of the usual hand drawn animation we are used to seeing with these shows. And instead of Robin, Katana was going to be Batman's partner. Alfred was going to be a gun toting badass. Oh yeah and we were getting brand new villains that have either hardly been or have never been animated before instead of the classic Batman rogues. At first glance, I honestly thought that this show was going to suck. Never been a big CG animation fan, had no clue who Katana was, wanted to see the classic Batman rogues, and really thought that this series like Brave and Bold was going to be campy and only aimed towards kids. Shortly after the second episode aired, I watched a clip and it actually got me intriqued. So, I got On Demand and decided to give the first two episodes a fair chance. And you know what? I got hooked! Beware The Batman was a return of the dark and serious Batman, yet still appropriate enough where kids could enjoy this series too. Color me shocked and very surprised and pleased to be proven wrong! 

Beware The Batman is probably the most original and fresh take on Batman in animation. I still love Batman The Animated Series more due to not only nostalgia but because I consider it more classic Batman. It is still the definitive Batman TV show to me, but Beware The Batman is a very close 2nd! It brought back the more detective elements to the character which were missing from The Batman, which was more of a superhero series than the crime drama that The Animated Series was and Brave and the Bold where it was just a kid friendly superhero series. 

Batman in this show is very dark much like the version we saw in The Animated Series.  Sure the CG animation is new, but the portrayal of Alfred is completely different than the one we got in any of the other shows. This Alfred is an ex agent of MI6 and is a total badass! Alfred's military experience has been hinted at in other interpretations of the character, but it is better explored in this show. Tatsu Yamashiro/Katana is a great addition to Batman's allies. And I love that this time around, Gordon is not trusting of Batman yet. But, the biggest difference is that all the episodes are connected like a prime time live action series. You have to watch them in order to get what's going on. It's a fresh new take on The Dark Knight's mythology and that is a very good thing. So I will break down and review the first six episodes individually and start reviewing them every 3 episodes once more episodes are released. But, you can purchase the first 6 episodes of Beware The Batman on iTunes right now or watch them for free on IMDB! 

Episode 1-  "HUNTED"

There are two eco terrorists running around Gotham City and kidnapping wealthy industrialists. They call themselves Professor Pyg and Mr. Toad.  Batman is on the case, but things take a twisty turn when Bruce Wayne's butler Alfred ends up getting kidnapped by the criminal duo. Meanwhile, Alfred hires his friend Tatsu Yamashiro to be Bruce Wayne's new bodyguard and driver.

I thoroughly enjoyed the pilot episode to Beware The Batman. Professor Pyg looked like a slasher film villain with his heavy build and pig mask. Plus he wields a pretty big saw. I was kinda thrown off by Mr. Toad due to it actually being a mutant toad, but these two were a lot of fun.

Another strength to Beware The Batman, aside from the gothic and moody scenery, is the voice acting. Andrea Romano, who did the voice casting for Batman The Animated Series, does a great job at getting the best fit for these characters. Anthony Ruivivar makes for a solid Batman/Bruce Wayne and is actually just as great as Kevin Conroy. He gives Batman a dark and brooding voice while Bruce Wayne gets a lighter voice. JB Blanc is great as Alfred, who this time is just as badass as Batman. I just love this scene where Simon Stagg says, "And just who are you?" and Alfred replies with, "Oh, didn't I tell you? I'm the butler". And then he picks up a big pipe like he's about to kick someone's ass. They kinda made Alfred to be like an older Jason Statham. He rocks! Sumalee Montano is great as Tatsu Yamashiro/Katana. Here's a woman with real strength and is perfect to assist The Batman. Her backstory is still a mystery and is slowly unfolding. Jeff Bennett worked as corrupt billionaire douchebag Simon Stagg. He's the total opposite of Bruce Wayne. And then there's Udo Kier as Mr. Toad. A British pig and a German toad as a criminal dynatic duo? Hell yeah! Great beginning of a great series! 

Episode 2- "SECRETS"

A wacked out goth chick, who wears bird feathers to go with her mistress outfit, named Magpie has wiped out the memory of a man named Joe Braxton. Batman is on Magpie's trail, but so is Lieutenant James Gordon. Their clues point to a psychiatrist named Bethanie Ravencroft who had an experiement to wipe the bad memories out of criminals in order to give them a new life. Could Magpie have been an experiment gone terribly wrong?

Secrets is probably my favorite episode so far. Magpie is a very sexual character for a Saturday morning cartoon, but dammit she is so fun to watch! She felt like Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman crossed with Harley Quinn. If your child is going through puberty, then this episode may make him learn the hard way what an erection is.  This character hasn't been used since the 1980s, and I dug that they reimagined her design because otherwise she wouldn't feel right in this version of Batman.  This is also the first episode where we get a better characterization of this version of Gordon who we just saw briefly on the television in episode 1. We also get more Katana, who is slowly discovering Bruce Wayne's secret. Gordon's daughter Barbara also appears, who is best known to Batman fans as Batgirl. I love that they brought back Tara Strong from The New Batman Adventures to play her. Kurtwood Smith from That '70s Show is really great as Lt. James Gordon. Really love this episode.

Episode 3- "TESTS"

Batman busts two dumbasses for vandalism. The next night, the two idiots are back on the streets, swinging bigger and more destructive weapons. It turns out that a costumed psycho named Anarky is involved and sees Batman as being his greatest enemy. Anarky thrusts to be the polar opposite of Batman so he tries to throw Gotham into chaos by using the two vandal artists. Meanwhile, Katana discovers a secret elevator behind the fireplace in Wayne Manor that leads to a secret library. While she is being tested to be Batman's assistant, Batman's fight for order is being tested by his new nemesis. 

Anarky is an interesting villain, yet kinda rips off the Joker. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed him as a villain but I've always seen Joker in this kind of role. I did feel Katana's side of the episode was more interesting because you are wondering if and when she will discover the whole truth about her new boss. The two vandals are so dumb that it is hilarious. Plus, Alfred gets to drive the Batmobile, which by the way looks pretty awesome. I love how the Batcomputer is linked into the Batmobile and Batcycle. It sorta reminded me of Iron Man and Jarvis. The Batcave also looks incredible. I have a feeling we will be seeing Anarky again. 

Episode 4- "SAFE"

A criminal elite known as The League of Assasins are after a scientist named Dr. Jason Burr who has created the Ion Cortex. Tatsu Yamashiro saves Dr. Burr and decides to keep him secured at Wayne Manor. Meanwhile, Batman goes off to find out more about these ninja assasins. Lady Shiva, the leader of the League of Assasins sends a fierce hitman named Silver Monkey to assasinate Dr. Burr. As these assasins break the security of Wayne Manor, it turns out that Tatsu knows Silver Monkey from her past. 

This was a very intense and action packed episode! Batman dodging bullets in the air, an awesome motorcycle chase, some cool fighting, and more. For those of you who don't know, The League of Assasins or the Society of Shadows, or The League of Shadows is the ninja vigilante terrorist group ran by Batman villain Ra's Al Ghul. You may remember this organization in Batman Begins or The Dark Knight Rises. Lady Shiva too is a Batman villain that has briefly been out of comics. She was in that short lived Birds of Prey TV series in one episode. Here, we don't see her, but just get her voice. Dr. Burr is a bit on the annoying side, but he's played by Matthew Lillard (Scream, Scooby Doo) so it's all good. We also get Alfred with a shotgun. And Silver Monkey is one badass villain. It turns out that Tatsu/Katana has a green sword known as the Soultaker Sword that she stole from the League. 

Episode 5- "BROKEN"

When toy soldiers are found around Gotham with people trapped inside them, Batman and Gordon are on the case. All clues point to a genius mob accountant named Humphrey Dumpler who had gone insane after he was nearly killed while under Police protection. Now calling himself Humpty Dumpty due to his large egg shaped size, Humpty Dumpty aims to get revenge on those who broke his sanity, which includes Gotham's own Police Lieutenant James Gordon.  

You'd think a story about a villain named Humpty Dumpty would be corny as Hell, but no! This dude is creepy! It's like those horror movies that take a sweet little children's fable and turn it into a dark and freaky tale of carnage. Basically Humpty Dumpty traps his victims in statue horsemen that are in cased with a bomb so if someone tries to release them, they get blown up. There is a funny scene though where Batman asks the Batcomputer to give him the location of Humpty Dumpty and the Batcomputer responds, "A wall." Katana also mentions the name Ra's Al Ghul. So I have a strong feeling that we will be seeing him sometime this season. I would like to see the more classic Batman rogues show up at some point in this show, but I dig that they are starting off with lesser known villains. It makes me feel like I did when discovering the classic villains for the first time. It's always great to add to Batman's already awesome rogues gallery!  

Episode 6- "TOXIC"

Security guard Rex Mason is in love with Sapphire who is the beautiful daughter of billionaire scumbag Simon Stagg. One night the alarm goes off at Stagg Industries so Rex chases a masked intruder into a special room where he is trapped and exposed to an experimental gas. Batman saves Mason and takes him to the hospital. Later, Mason's body begins to turn and he changes into a multi colored monster known as Metamorpho. Metamorpho begins to attack Gotham in a rage for what has been done to him and wants to still be with Sapphire, but can the daughter of a famous billionaire ever accept his new monsterous appearance?

Toxic is a very sad and tragic episode. It's basically a mix of the Hulk and Beauty & the Beast. Metamorpho is a character who has appeared in animation before. Him, Sapphire, and Simon Stagg were all in an episode of Justice League, which also told the origin of Metamorpho. Although in that story, Rex Mason was an adventurer who was long time buddies with John Stewart who was the Green Lantern of that series. It's obvious that Stagg was behind Rex Mason's accident because he didn't approve of his daughter dating a security guard and wanted her to marry someone of wealth and ruthlessness. But, unlike the Justice League version, this episode doesn't really have a happy ending. Adam Baldwin did a great job as Rex Mason/Metamorpho, giving us a villain that we both feel bad for and really care about.

MTV's "Teen Wolf" Trailer finally unveiled - thoughts?

Well here it is - the new version of Teen Wolf, this time done by Viacom and MTV Networks. As a huge fan of the original 1985 TEEN WOLF film, this version seems to be influenced more by TWILIGHT and more modern teen horror [which is obviously what's selling these days]. I could bash it, but I'll save my thoughts once I finally see an episode or two of it. As for you guys, what are your thoughts on this trailer? Full moon or silver bullet?

Teen Wolf - MTV Shows