Bad Channels (1992)

DIRECTED BY

Ted Nicolaou

STARRING

Paul Hipp - Dan O’Dare

Martha Quinn - Lisa Cummings

Aaron Lustig - Vernon Locknut

Ian Patrick Williams - Dr. Payne

Charlie Spradling - Cookie

Robert Factor - Willis

Roumel Réaux - Flip Humble

Rodney Ueno - Moon

Genre - Comedy/Horror/Science Fiction/Music/Aliens/B-Movie

Running Time - 88 Minutes

PLOT

An alien determined to capture human females takes over a radio station to do it.

REVIEW

It’s been a long time since I’ve reviewed a Charles Band produced film, but here we are with BAD CHANNELS - one of the oddest horror/sci-fi films I’ve seen in a while. I shouldn’t have been surprised since it was directed by TERRORVISION and SUBSPECIES director Ted Nicolaou - two films I really need to rewatch since they’re both pretty rad. BAD CHANNELS isn’t as good as either of those two films, but it has some moments within its short 88-minute runtime. 

BAD CHANNELS may be one of the easiest, or maybe one of the more difficult, films to give a full review to because there’s really not much to the film. It has aliens [or one alien and his robot companion] invading a radio station and using music to lure hot women into tiny jars… to kidnap them I guess? The film never really makes it clear why these aliens are manipulating women into jars, which is a big issue in itself. The film also has news reporters who are obsessed with the radio station’s DJ [I guess he’s a big deal in this town]. But other than that, there’s not much else going on. 

The main purpose for this film doesn’t seem to be about the alien invasion, but to promote unknown rock bands for the Full Moon Entertainment audience. After some research, I learned that these bands were signed to Moonstone Records, which is owned by Full Moon Entertainment. To be honest with you, the music nor the videos are anything memorable enough for me to rush out and buy the bands’ music. The videos use the movie locations. One is inside of a diner. The other is in a school gymnasium. And the other is in a hospital. They’re not really directed all that flashy or in an MTV-style at the time. I will say that the last song, this metal song with clowns, was actually pretty good and made use of the horror genre element. And while the videos themselves aren’t directly all that interestingly, having the female victims being shown in reality dancing to music no one else can hear [while the people around them look on curiously and disturbingly] is a nice touch and shows that these videos are nothing but illusions in the victims’ minds. But honestly, the film doesn’t have much of a plot and it seems BAD CHANNELS was more focused on getting these unknown bands some notoriety that probably never happened.

The characters aren’t all that likable either, even though they all seem to have personalities that separate them from others. DJ Dan O’Dare is a manic Lothario who is pretty much the narrator of what’s going on with the aliens inside of the studio, since he’s trapped there. He has unresolved sexual tension with ace reporter Lisa Cummings, who is kind of a bitch and snotty - making me wonder why Dan would be interested in her. The cops are clueless. Lisa’s news channel bosses want to take advantage of the situation and use Lisa to make themselves bigger than her. The doctors are clueless. The aliens’ victims are ditzy, ignorant, or just plain dumb - mainly getting ahead in life due to their hot looks. Besides Dan really, none of the other characters make much of an impression character wise. 

I will give a lot of credit to the creature designs in BAD CHANNELS though. The film is obviously using a cheap budget, but the filmmakers make the most of it. The main alien is pretty much a dude dressed in black pleather, while wearing a giant boulder for a head that looks like a Jiffy Pop with a clear visor in the middle so they can see. The robot has google eyes while wearing a clear bowl on its head that reminded me of Bill Moseley in SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 3. We also get this green gunk that grows like fungus, which also happens to move if music plays nearby. And we also get this three headed plant monster that Audrey II would laugh at, but it doesn’t look too bad. And the effects of the girls inside these tiny jars is done well and believable. 

I even thought the direction by Ted Nicolaou wasn’t too bad, besides the music videos that ruin the film’s pacing a bit. The film looks like your standard 90s straight-to-video fare, but a better-than-average looking one. The film moves quickly. The special effects are used sparingly and presented well. It looks and feels like a Full Moon Entertainment B-movie, which is the exact point. Nicolaou also connects the film with the DOLLMAN series as well, which is a nice touch for fans of that series.

The acting isn’t anything great, but the cheesiness of it entertained me more than it should. Paul Hipp is probably the “best” actor, as he’s given the most to do and carries the film pretty well. He has a manic energy and his descent into madness while being taken hostage by weird aliens is pretty amusing. Original MTV VJ Martha Quinn is okay in her role as reporter Lisa. She plays bitchy well, but doesn’t really get much to do but stare, look confused, and carry a camera to shoot footage. The other actors play their roles as goofy and silly as possible, which works well with this type of movie. The actresses who become alien victims play the video vixen roles well and make their ditzy roles fun to watch. I was honestly expecting worse when it came to the acting, but the hamming and being aware of what film they were in helped the entertainment value.

And I have to mention the cool Blue Oyster Cult score, which is a pretty big get for Full Moon Entertainment. Sure, the band wasn’t as popular as they were in their heyday during the 70s and early-80s, but it’s cool to have a solid band working on your movie. I dug what they brought to the table and the film is probably worth watching just for the score alone.

THE FINAL HOWL

BAD CHANNELS is an odd movie that seems to exist to promote three unknown rock/metal bands rather than tell an interesting story about aliens invading a radio station to shrink hot women into glass jars for whatever reason. It’s unfortunate since the music videos aren’t all that interesting or memorable to watch, leaving us with a sci-fi/horror-comedy that barely has a plot and doesn’t explain what is happening to many of these characters at all. We don’t know why these aliens came to this particular town. We don’t know why these aliens are shrinking beautiful women into glass jars. All we get are some pretty unlikable or silly characters that become less amusing as the film goes.

That being said, the special effects are pretty well done considering the film’s small budget. The hammy and cheesy acting is more entertaining than it has any right to be. Director Ted Nicolaou’s direction is more than passible and keeps BAD CHANNELS at a good, short pace despite these random music videos ruining the flow somewhat. And the score by rock legends Blue Oyster Cult is pretty rad and quite an impressive get for this film. It looks like a Full Moon Entertainment feature. And it feels like a Full Moon Entertainment feature. BAD CHANNELS is a film that pretty much met my low-to-average expectations and is only worth a look for anyone who enjoys Charles Band produced movies [especially the DOLLMAN series, which this film is slightly connected to]. Otherwise, stick with the much better SUBSPECIES or TERRORVISION for your Ted Nicolaou fix.

SCORE

2 Howls Outta 4

The B-Movie Bungalow Presents: Ghoulies (1985)

DIRECTED BY
Luca Bercovici

STARRING
Peter Liapis - Jonathan Graves
Lisa Pelikan - Rebecca
Michael Des Barres - Malcolm Graves
Mariska Hargitay - Donna
Peter Risch - Grizzel
Tamara de Treaux - Greediguts
Scott Thompson - Mike
Keith Joe Dick - Dick
Charlene Cathleen - Robin
David Dayan - Eddie
Jack Nance - Wolfgang

Genre - Horror/Science Fiction/Comedy/Witchcraft/Demons/Cult/B-Movie

Running Time - 81 Minutes


PLOT
In the past, a cult leader named Malcolm Graves (Michael Des Barres) wants to sacrifice a baby boy to gain the ultimate power. The baby boy happens to be his newborn son, but the baby is saved before the sacrifice is completed and taken away from Malcolm.

Years pass, and the baby has grown up into Jonathan Graves (Peter Liapis), who knows nothing about his past except for receiving an inheritance from his birth father - a large mansion that seems to be full of books of witchcraft and pentagrams on the floors. Even with all this strangeness, Jonathan and his beautiful girlfriend Rebecca (Lisa Pelikan) move in and make themselves at home.

Jonathan and Rebecca hold a small house warming party with a few of their closest friends, who quickly become bored at doing the same things together. Jonathan leads the group to the basement and suggests they perform a ritual to speak with the dead. While the others don't take it too seriously, Jonathan is slowly feeling the demonic presence taking over him. During the ceremony, Jonathan quickly speaks in incantations, raising demonic spirits without the others knowing. As the days pass by, Jonathan slowly becomes as powerful as his father was, while little demons known as Ghoulies pop up to lend a helping hand to bring back the demonic days of yesteryear.



REVIEW

STORY

- Screenplay: GHOULIES is a film I probably haven't seen since I was a little kid. It was one of Charles Bands first films he was associated with [he was supposed to direct the film originally, but ended up executively producing the film instead], and was meant to capitalize on a film I will be reviewing later in the month - Joe Dante's 1985's classic GREMLINS. However, GHOULIES barely scratches the surface of GREMLINS. In fact, I wish the narrative was better and more interesting than it actually is.

GHOULIES is a low-budget B-movie that doesn't really capitalize on what it wants to advertise. What I mean is that the script barely highlights any of the Ghoulies at all! The Mogwai were a huge part of the story in both GREMLINS films, as the film title advertised. But The Ghoulies barely make any sort of presence in their own movie. Sure, the little green one pops out of a toilet [which was meant to be a joke, that the screenwriter actually used because he thought it was serious], but it's barely a blip in the film's running time. I have no idea who these Ghoulies are. I get that they're minions of some sort for the villain, but what are their purpose exactly? To scare people and bite their faces? Lame. I'm not saying they should have been the star of the film, even though their name is in the title. But maybe a narrative revolving more around them, like in the later sequels [for better and/or worse], could have made GHOULIES more memorable than it wants to be.

Instead, the screenplay would rather focus on an evil cult leader, who's a master of witchcraft, who uses his son to resurrect him in order to kill the son to steal his youth. Yeah, that's a mouthful. This main plotline isn't terrible really. It has the predictable beats and you know where the story is going. GHOULIES, in a lot of ways, is a haunted house flick mixed with a possession angle. But I could care less about any of these characters. The main ones, Jonathan and Rebecca, seem likeable. But their normal life isn't really given much time to develop before Jonathan decides to dabble in the dark arts. I'm guessing the screenwriters, director Luca Bercovici and Jefery Levy, felt that sympathetic and decently developed characters weren't needed in a movie like this. Unfortunately, we have to follow these characters for over 80 minutes, instead of the Ghoulies we were promised in the title. That's not to say Jonathan and Rebecca are bad characters. Jonathan's corruption would have been more fun if they let the actor go all out, but it's alright. And Rebecca seems to be pretty intelligent about the whole thing until Jonathan [with the help of two magical dwarfs - yeah, I'm not getting into these two] brainwashes her into a zombie-like state. But do you really care about what happens to them in the end? Not really.

The same goes to the supporting characters, although they seem to have more personality than the leads. Donna is the beautiful, nice girl. Greediguts [who names these people?] is a bit of a slut. Grizzel and Mike are two best friends who enjoy partying with booze and weed [probably my favorite characters by default]. And Dick is a womanizer who seems pretty shy underneath the surface. And of course, Malcolm Graves is your stereotypical power hungry villain who is willing to sacrifice his son just to make that happen. And the two dwarfs seem to be servants to the one with the power, but I'm not really sure what their deal is [they grant wishes, that's as much as I know about them]. Just because GHOULIES is a B-movie doesn't mean it can't have depth. This film is all fluff and no substance. If this was a silly monster movie with puppets attacking stupid people, it would be enough for a great time. But the film is focused on one-dimensional human beings with puppet monsters popping up every now and then. The script needed to be better in that case.

- Direction: Luca Bercovici's direction is what it is. GHOULIES has no real terror, tension, or style that really makes it stand out from countless other B-movies that deal with the same theme. But it's competent enough, I guess. The special effect stuff is dated, but it works for its time. We see countless laser effects shooting out of hands and eyes. The Ghoulies themselves seem to be puppets, although the low budget really makes the puppets from Fraggle Rock look like a million bucks. John Carl Buechler has done better work. I think they actually look better in later sequels. The tongue attack is pretty sweet though! The picture quality is decent, and the editing is fine. Plus, the pacing is very good as GHOULIES flies by quickly. The visual presentation is fairly average stuff, but I'm sure the nostalgia factor raises it a bit for some.

- Acting: I can't really say the acting is terrible. Both Peter Liapis and Lisa Pelikan are good with what they're given. Mariska Hargitay, hot then and now, is okay as Donna. Keith Joe Dick is pretty funny as Dick, playing an over-the-top ladies' man. Michael Des Barres' melodramatic acting matches the film's final act tone, so he's alright. Jack Nance, given an unnecessary voice-over that tries to make GHOULIES feel more epic than it actually is, is wasted as Wolfgang. His character should have really been developed, but for whatever reason wasn't.

SEXUAL SITUATIONS
Fairly tame B-Movie in terms of sex. We get shirtless dudes, but not much else. There's also a PG rated sex scene that stops before it really gets going. Nothing to see here really.

VIOLENCE
Again, another tame category. Sure, Malcolm gets to throw Jonathan around a couple of times with his witchcraft. The Ghoulies also attack a few people. But other than that, there's nothing really violent about GHOULIES.

THE CHEESE FACTOR
GHOULIES should have been cheesier than it was. The 80s special effects do put a smile on my face though. And the Ghoulies themselves look pretty okay, adding entertainment value for a pretty bland story. But GHOULIES takes itself fairly seriously though, which is unfortunate. I feel the filmmakers could have had more fun with the premise. I'm sure the budget had something to do with that though.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE PEEKING OUT OF A TOILET BOWL

- Malcolm Graves wanted to sacrifice a baby for great power. I must be missing this L. Ron Hubbard novel in my collection...

- Dick wants beautiful women to call him "Dick". Unfortunately, they'll be calling his actual dick "Disappointment".

- Grizzel and Mike wanted to see what was inside a closet. Most likely John Travolta, Tom Cruise, or R. Kelly [allegedly].

- Getting possessed by evil is hard on the body. It's like getting the flu. Or watching a single episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Same sick feeling.

- Jonathan received the ability to make it rain inside of his basement. And he didn't need a single dollar bill to make it happen.

- Jonathan held a sunglasses party indoors to use his friends to gain ultimate power. Corey Hart's a big fan.

- There was a point during the ritual where everyone screamed real loud. I guess "sunglasses" was the secret word!

- Dick was tricked into making out with a big boobed chick, who was really Malcolm Graves in disguise. He knows all there is to know about the crying game...

THE FINAL HOWL

I liked GHOULIES as a kid, but it doesn't do much for me as an adult. The story is bland, the direction is "point and shoot", and the premise could have been more entertaining than it was. Plus, if you're expecting Ghoulies running amok, you'll be seriously disappointed. Still, the film does have some charm, decent acting [including the first film appearance of Mariska Hargitay], and nostalgic bad 80s special effects. For a film that wanted to be a low budget GREMLINS, GHOULIES just makes you wish you were watching that film instead. Not terrible, but nothing to really recommend either.



SCORE

1.5 Howls Outta 4