Fangoria X-Clusive: Fango Flashback on "Killer Klowns From Outer Space"

Fangoria posted my Fango Flashback article on KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE on their website. Click on the link to read it boys and girls!

Fango Flashback: KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE

Sherlock Holmes (2010) [Fangoria X-Clusive]

Fangoria Magazine has just posted my review for The Asylum's SHERLOCK HOLMES mockbuster on their website! I'm so excited, I just can't hide it! Check it out by clicking on the link.

[Clicking Here Is Elementary!]

Vacancy 2: The First Cut (2009) + Thoughts on the 2nd Trailer to A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010)

This is my first live review. I'll probably do more of these. Still trying to get comfortable in front of the camera, so please be kind with me! I *hope* you enjoy.

2009 Short Reviews Catch Up + Another Award!

Received another award from Cool Ass Cinema:

Very nice. Thank you very much, sir. Cool Ass Cinema is a great site for your alternative cinema needs. Show some love.

So with that out of the way, let's get to the point of this entry. Originally, I was gonna do short reviews for a few films I missed out reviewing last year due to time constraints. But my computer is an asshole and decided to freeze up on me before I could save it. So I'm just gonna give really quick thoughts and maybe one day when I have time, I'll come back to these films and give them deeper write-ups. As for 2009 horror films that haven't been reviewed here [like SAW VI, PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, THE STEPFATHER, etc., they'll be getting their own entries for various reasons].

GRACE
Dir. Paul Solet
Starring Jordan Ladd, Gabrielle Rose, Stephen Park, Samantha Ferris

PLOT (from IMDB): After losing her unborn child, Madeline Matheson insists on carrying the baby to term. Following the delivery, the child miraculously returns to life with an appetite for human blood. Madeline is faced with a mother's ultimate decision.

+ The performances, especially by Ladd, Rose, and Ferris. They were all convincing and were all sympathetic to various degrees. Definitely the highlight of the film.

+ Creepy story, helped by the fact that it took the premise as seriously as possible. I was expecting a camp fest like IT'S ALIVE, but not here. For the best, I say.

+ The direction by Solet was very well done. I liked how subtle and calm the framing and atmosphere was, even in light of the evil that was occuring.

- Wished there could have been more explanation as to the baby still being alive after it was stillborn. The question seemed to be lingering throughout the film without it ever being answered.

Score - 3 Howls Outta 4


JENNIFER'S BODY
Dir. Karyn Kusama
Starring Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried, Johnny Simmons, Adam Brody

PLOT (from IMDB): A newly possessed cheerleader turns into a killer who specializes in offing her male classmates. Can her best friend put an end to the horror?

+ The sacrifice scene with Fox and Brody was the highlight of the film. I'll never hear "867-5309 (Jenny)" the same way again.

+ The acting was good here. Amanda Seyfried was fantastic in carrying much of the film and I think she's actually sexier than Megan Fox. Fox also showed some nice comedic timing and wasn't all that bad really. I liked both girls.

+ Nice bit of gore and special effects.

+ Direction was decent also. Some nice glimpses of style.

- The script annoyed me. Diablo Cody has a great ear for dialogue and humor. But it was just too much of it here and it became distracting. I know people actually talk like this, but it doesn't mean everyone will want to listen.

- Tried too hard to be a cult classic. It reminded me of HEATHERS, which is a superior film to this. Hell, MEAN GIRLS was better than this. Could have used more subtlety, but this is Cody we're talking about. I understand the attempt to make the film quirky, but it just confused the tone of the film. Was this a horror movie? A comedy? Both?

Score - 2.5 Howls Outta 4


ORPHAN
Dir. Juame Collet-Serra
Starring Vera Farmiga, Peter Sarsgaard, Isabelle Fuhrman

PLOT (IMDB): A husband and wife who recently lost their baby adopt a 9-year-old girl who is not nearly as innocent as she claims to be.

+ Generic story we've seen many times done right. Nice character development, a clever twist, and the 2-hour running time never felt that long. Definitely an entertaining film.

+ Top notch performances by all involved, especially by Isabelle Fuhrman who gave the killer child a whole new dimension. Great fake Russian accent and handled the material with maturity. I want to see more of this girl. Farmiga was great and Sarsgaard played the nice guy perfectly.

+ Great direction by Collet-Serra. Well paced, lots of tension and suspense, and a great use of a gloomy atmosphere.

+ Killer kids rule. That is fact.

Score - 4 Howls Outta 4


ZOMBIELAND
Dir. Ruben Fleischer
Starring Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, Abigail Breslin

PLOT (from IMDB): Focuses on two men who have found a way to survive a world overrun by zombies. Columbus is a big wuss -- but when you're afraid of being eaten by zombies, fear can keep you alive. Tallahassee is an AK-toting, zombie-slaying' bad ass whose single determination is to get the last Twinkie on earth. As they join forces with Wichita and Little Rock, who have also found unique ways to survive the zombie mayhem, they will have to determine which is worse: relying on each other or succumbing to the zombies.

+ One of the best horror-comedies around. Definitely some great laugh-out-loud moments due to a fantastic script and great acting. Plus the script has a lot of heart, as you grow to love the characters immediately.

+ Bill Murray cameo. Just brilliant. That's all I'll say about that.

+ Great acting by everyone involved. Eisenberg is great as the vulnerable hero. Harrelson steals the show as the Twinkie-obsessed Tallahassee. Emma Stone was hot as the tough Wichita. And Abigail Breslin was cool as the very mature Little Rock.

+ Great looking zombies.

- Wish it were longer. At less than 90 minutes, it was too short for me.

Score - 3.5 Howls Outta 4


HORSEMEN
Dir. Jonas Akerlund
Starring Dennis Quaid, Ziyi Zhang, Patrick Fugit, Lou Taylor Pucci

PLOT (from IMDB): A recently widowed detective still grieving over his wife's death discovers a shocking connection between himself and the suspects in a serial killing spree linked to the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

+ Interesting concept. Had all the qualities of a good movie.

- Too bad it wasn't. Extremely generic in its SE7EN ripoff. The twists were interesting as seperate entities. Once they started coming together, I just found myself annoyed by the whole thing. Plus when it did come together, it just ended. Like, what was the point then? Luckily, I've seen worse.

+/- The acting was a mixed bag. Dennis Quaid was okay as the lead, but just started to ham it up towards the end. Ziyi Zhang seemed out of place in her character role. Lou Taylor Pucci was decent. Stronger performances would have made this film more watchable.

+/- The directing was just there. Yes there was style, but it added nothing to the film. Looks like someone was overcompensating for a crummy script.

- The ending. I can't even wrap my head around it. Just so fuckin' lame. 90 minutes of my life I will never get back.

Score - 1.5 Howls Outta 4


TRICK 'R TREAT
Dir. Michael Dougherty
Starring Anna Paquin, Brian Cox, Dylan Baker, Leslie Bibb

PLOT (From IMDB): Four interwoven stories that occur on Halloween: An everyday high school principal has a secret life as a serial killer; a college virgin might have just met the one guy for her; a group of teenagers pull a mean prank; a woman who loathes the night has to contend with her holiday-obsessed husband.

+ The direction and cinematography was beautiful. The mise-en-scene, the framing, the small details, and the little hints that connected the stories together were very well done. Just a stunning film.

+ Great stories. I never really knew how they would end up. It's hard to be unpredictable in this day and age, but it definitely helped this film. And when I was trying to figure out why these stories were so important and how they were connected with each other, it all wrapped up very nicely at the end. It definitely captured the essence of Halloween.

+ The acting was good. Nobody really stands out, well maybe Brian Cox and Dylan Baker, but it's a great ensemble cast.

+ CGI was very good. Won't spoil those moments but I enjoyed the special effects here.

- Should have been given a theatrical release instead of just dropping on DVD and Blu-Ray.

Score - 4 Howls Outta 4

Kreativ Blogger Award

I know I should have updated about this a while ago [my laziness and internship have kept away from blogger - fully apologize and will be more active around here], but Full Moon Reviews won another major award. Here it is:

Well...that's one way of spelling it. This award was bestowed on Full Moon Reviews by my good friend Scot Nolan of Bargain Bin Reviews and Bloggin' Bin Revue. I would like to thank you sir for always supporting me. Means a lot.

Now before we can celebrate, let's make this award official:

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
Scot, thank you again for the award. You've always been a great friend and I love the fact that you love horrible movies as much as I do. Thumbs up to you, sir.


2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
Been there, done that.


3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
See the intro.


4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.

While alot of you know that John Carpenter's Halloween was the first horror film to really have a lasting impact on my psyche, the first horror film that I ever watched in theaters was David Cronenberg's The Fly (1986). My five-year-old mind was traumatized by the transformation and the grossness of Jeff Goldblum's character, to the point that I have trouble watching the last half of the film even today. Sad, but true.

I've never seen any of the Tomb Raider films. Not even clips of these films. People find this weird. Not sure why.

Carson Daly bumped into me once in Times Square, knocking me on my ass. I got free TRL tickets (back when he was hosting) because of this incident. Christina Aguilera was a guest on that show. Pretty cool.

I've been a pro wrestling fan since I can remember, long before my fandom started with horror movies. I even have tapes of WWF/E stuff starting with Wrestlemania X and ending somewhere in 2007 [pretty much after the whole Chris Benoit incident]. My favorite wrestler in the 1980s was Randy "Macho Man" Savage, 90s was "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and The Undertaker, and 00s was Kurt Angle and Chris Jericho. And yes, I still watch the product, no matter how hard it is sometimes.

I'm allergic to all seafood and barbecue sauce. God is a weird one...

I wanted to be a doctor when I was younger, even going to NYU with those plans. But bombing in Biology and dealing with a whole bunch of math classes ruined that for me. So I went into film instead and it feels right.

I own every Madonna album. And yes, I'm straight.


5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
Okey dokey.


6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.

Tower Farm Reviews - Jeremy and Billy love craptacular films and review them with a lot of love and gusto. They make me want to watch films I shouldn't want to watch. That's how good these two brothers are. Always enjoy reading their work.

Midnight Confessions - Reverend Phantom does great live reviews and written reviews for grindhouse and exploitation cinema (usually of the European variety) that many mainstream people probably haven't heard of. He's extremely knowledgeable and makes you want to watch these films right after he tells you about them. He shares a common love for 70s and 80s cinema that I share. His work is always worth more than a look.

The Lightning Bug's Lair - Zach a.k.a. Mr. Bugg is probably one of the best reviewers I have ever had the pleasure of reading and befriending. Tons of info and a great amount of passion makes him one of my favorite bloggers. We share a lot of love for similar films, but he takes it to a higher level than I could ever do. I have a lot of respect for this blog because there's a lot of love put into it.

The Jaded Viewer - Great reviews and dissects horror in a very humorous, yet informational way. Plus anyone who uses JCVD in Bloodsport as a rating system gets monster kudos from yours truly.

Freddy In Space - One of my favorite horror blogs. Not only does John review horror, but he also posts news, makes lists, and just brings the funny whenever he can. Plus he also runs another great blog called Win Free Horror Shit!, which if you can't tell what it's about by the title means you should probably go back to school or something. Very supportive of the horror blogosphere. Much appreciated.

Final Girl - Stacie Ponder's horror filled blog was probably the first one to really get my attention. Her posts are funny, unique, and all around a blast to read. She also does a Film Club that I've been a part of every now and then. I wish more bloggers would do something like that because it brings us all together on one topic. Very cool lady with a very good blog.

I Like Horror Movies - Carl reviews horror films in pretty much one or two paragraphs, which is more than enough for most of them. He also supplies Great/Worst Moments In Horror, horror clips from past and present, and so much more. If you want to know if a film is good or bad in like a minute, I Like Horror Movies is your blog of choice.

There are a lot of other great blogs out there. If I didn't mention you, just remember that I love each and every one of you. Keep on bloggin'.


7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated.
I will do that by this weekend.

News: The Silent House (La Casa Muda)

I got an email earlier in the week by Gustavo Rojo of Tokio Films, who directed a Spanish horror film called THE SILENT HOUSE (LA CASA MUDA). It's a 74-minute horror film done in a single shot (which definitely grabbed my attention). He wanted me to plug the film on this blog - so here it is. Check out the teaser trailer and show some support to indie horror filmmakers. And please repost this on your blogs if you can. Thanks.

"A few days after the Spanish Teaser Trailer was released, executives from some of the most important production company of Hollywood have shown interest in seeing it once it is finished and acquire the rights. The film is still at audio post production, and is expected to be finished in march. "The silent house"teaser trailer with Engish subtitles has come. Perhaps we may see the remake soon!!! "




The film is directed by Gustavo Hernandez, photographed by Pedro Luque (reknown for his worldwide success in “Ataque de Pánico”) and produced by Gustavo Rojo, at an amazingly low budget which amounts to US$ 6000. “The silent house” digs deeply into the unexplored subject of psychological terror, and the story runs through a terrifying story through a single continuous shot. This makes the film unique in the audiovisual market since it was filmed with a SLR digital, to be more precise, a Canon EOS 5D Mark. The film is therefore the first one in Latin America and the second one in the world to have been filmed by a photograph camera. This makes it the first film of horror in the world to have been filmed with this particular narrative language.

To be filmed in one single shot implies that the sequence is filmed in one go, without cuts, and the camera movements need a prior careful and meticulous planning which leads the viewer to share each one of the experiences of the character.

Laura ( Florencia Colucci) and her father ( Gustavo Alonso) settle down in a cottage which seems to be off the beaten track in order to update it since its owner ( Abel Tripaldi) will soon put the house on sale. They will spend the night there in order to start the repairs the following morning. Everything seems to go on smoothly until Laura hears a sound that comes from outside and gets louder and louder in the upper floor of the house. Wilson goes up to see what is going on while she remains downstairs on her own waiting for her father to come down. The plot is based on a true story that happened some time ago in a small village in Uruguay. “La Casa Muda” focuses on the last seventy eight minutes, second by second, when Laura intends to leave the house which hides an obscure secret and she hopes to leave unharmed.



REAL FEAR IN REAL TIME, this is the most remarkable underlying feature of the film which will not go unnoticed by all those who may be willing to experience this different and disturbing filming experience.

Goatsucker (2009) [Fatally-Yours.com X-Clusive]

This is a low budget film about El Chupacabra [a.k.a. Goatsucker] that I wrote for a great website called Fatally-Yours.com. Check it out and enjoy!

[Review Here]

The Final Destination (2009)

DIRECTED BY
David R. Ellis

STARRING
Bobby Campo - Nick O'Bannon
Shantel VanSanten - Lori Milligan
Haley Webb - Janet Cunningham
Mykelti Williamson - George Lanter
Nick Zano - Hunt Wynorski
Andrew Fiscella - Andy "The Mechanic" Kewzer
Krista Allen - Samantha "The MILF" Lane
Justin Welborn - Carter "The Redneck" Daniels

Genre - Horror/Slasher/Supernatural

Running Time - 82 Minutes

Score - 2 Howls Outta 4


In 2000, one of the freshest horror films was released in the form of FINAL DESTINATION. With a villain who can't be seen and is unstoppable, interesting characters/stereotypes, and inventive gory deaths that fans gushed over, FINAL DESTINATION was a huge hit and would undoubtedly become one of the bigger horror franchises in the modern era. Of course, we got a sequel in 2003 and another in 2006, taking the death sequences to a whole new level while causing the story to suffer a bit. Still, both films did enough to be entertaining and worth a look.

In 2009, the third sequel, THE FINAL DESTINATION, was released to theaters in 3-D [which has become the "it" thing again]. Not many people thought it would do well against HALLOWEEN 2, which was released during the same weekend, due to Zombie and HALLOWEEN's big profiles. Surprisingly, THE FINAL DESTINATION [due to its 3-D gimmick] destroyed HALLOWEEN 2 in the box office, eventually becoming one of the bigger box office successes of 2009.

While HALLOWEEN 2 was a massive disappointment on all levels, does that mean that THE FINAL DESTINATION was the better horror flick that weekend? Yeah, it was. Is THE FINAL DESTINATION a great film? No, it isn't.

PLOT
Nick (Bobby Campo) and his friends (Shantel VanSanten, Nick Zano, and Haley Webb) are at the local stock car race having a great time. Even though the bleachers are breaking, the foundation is crumbling, and a few nuts and bolts are coming loose, the four of them don't think too much about it. That is until a screwdriver finds it way onto the track, causing a huge car crash that kills everyone. But this crash hasn't happened yet, as it was just played in Nick's head. Warning everyone to leave before they die, Nick, his friends, and a few other spectators leave the scene before the actually carnage occurs.

The survivors feel blessed and lucky to have cheated death. But like in the other installments of this franchise, Death doesn't play and decides to kill off these cheaters one-by-one in the order of when they were supposed to die. Can Nick stop Death's design? I don't think wearing 3-D glasses will help the guy with this one.

REVIEW
I watched THE FINAL DESTINATION back in early September during its second week of release in Real-D but never reviewed it. Other than the fact that I had less time for reviewing back then, the bad taste that HALLOWEEN 2 had left behind left me a bit burnt out. However, a lot of the readers of this blog have requested that I should review this one ever since its release. Why? Who in the hell knows? It's not like THE FINAL DESTINATION is even deserving of the requests its gotten. To be honest, without the 3-D gimmick, this film would be a waste of time.

The story was never this franchise's strong suit and I can accept that. However, THE FINAL DESTINATION makes me wonder if this film even had an actual screenplay. Sure, we still have the protagonist who has visions of people dying to the point where he feels he has to stop Death's design from taking its course. And we still have the insane death sequences. But other than that? Nada.

I wouldn't have minded some decent characterization for the characters. Maybe it would have helped me care more about whether they lived or died. It worked in the first one, didn't it? I mean seriously, these people KNEW they were gonna die. Yet, they continued to live their lives recklessly, not giving a shit. When that's the case, why should I give a shit? Yeah, I know people don't watch these films for great, interesting characters. But there could have been an attempt here and there wasn't. For a 3-D movie, the characters were very one-dimensional. It didn't help when some of them were named "The Redneck", "The MILF", and "The Mechanic".

The dialogue was alright, I guess. I did laugh a few times. Especially the dialogue for the Hunt character, who was probably my favorite in the entire film. While a total douche stereotype, at least he was an entertaining douche stereotype. And the characters did poke fun at themselves at times, which was okay by me. I just wish the story was stronger. It felt like a skit more than an actual film.

But who needs a story when you got insane death sequences, right? Well I think THE FINAL DESTINATION had the weakest deaths in the entire franchise. Still, they're a hoot to watch. The opening race car death sequence is the weakest opening of the bunch, but it still had some great moments. I loved the escalator death and the death at the garage that made me afraid of chain-linked fences. The pool drain death was silly, but funny. I did think the ending was really lame, which shows the producers of this franchise have finally run out of ideas. Still, it's a very gory flick and that's probably the only reason I would watch this film more than once.

The direction by FINAL DESTINATION 2's director, David R. Ellis, was good. In fact, I thought it was visually better than FINAL DESTINATION 2. I loved that it was a fast paced film [82 minutes is too short for a film like this but what can you do?] and displayed a lot of energy. The opening credits montage with the deaths from the previous installments was really cool and a nice touch. The editing was great and I loved how certain shots displayed the mean sense of humor this franchise is known for. Still, for a 3-D film, it lacked...I dunno...3-D moments? Yeah, there were pretty obvious moments of three-dimensional fun. But I was expecting a lot more. Maybe I was spoiled by the awesomeness of MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D, which I felt was a lot more fun to watch. Still, Ellis brought some style to his feature and didn't shy away from the blood and guts. He even gave us a boob shot [THANK YOU]. He directed a fun film. Nothing more. Nothing less.

The acting was a mixed bag. Bobby Campo was off and on as Nick. I didn't hate the guy but I didn't particularly care either. He was the weakest of the main protagonists in this franchise. It didn't help that his dialogue and character weren't that great. Shantel VanSanten was a bit better as the girlfriend, Lori. Nick Zano won me over as Hunt, the sex-crazed prick of the group. He had the best lines, best scenes, and probably the funniest death in the entire film. The dude lucked out here. Mykelti Williamson, of FORREST GUMP fame, gave a credible performance as George the security guard. For a shallow character, Williamson gave George more depth than he probably deserved. I liked him here. Haley Webb just annoyed me as Janet. She didn't exit quickly enough for me. And Krista Allen was definitely hot as The MILF, Samantha. I wish she were in the film more. I can never get tired of looking at her.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE CHEATING DEATH'S DESIGN FOR THE FOURTH TIME

- Hunt goes to race car events hoping to see a car crash. If Lindsay Lohan or Stevie Wonder aren't behind the wheel, chances are less than likely.

- The MILF put tampons in her kids' ears. Um yeah. Carrie White knew more about plugging it up than this woman does.

- A couple got split in two. I know they're they're each other's better half, but that's just taking it a cut above the limit.

- The redneck was pulled by the ball and chain of his tow truck, the friction causing him to catch on fire. What a flamin' drag. I hate when that happens!

- The MILF got impaled in the eye by a rock. If she was still having sex in space, living in Salem, running in slow motion on a beach, or still dating George Clooney, this would have never happened.

- The homeless guy outside the dry cleaners was offended by the idea of having a penny in his change collection. I don't blame him. He'd probably be in a nice house if his past decisions made more "cents".

God I love puns.

- Hunt, swimming for his lucky coin, got pulled into the pool's drain and came out in pieces when the pipes exploded due to pressure. Damn, that death must have sucked. Oh well... he was a Two-Face anyway.

- The cowboy got crushed by a hot tube that sat above his hospital room. Death must be a Native American.

- George got run over by a hospital van. Oh well. I'm sure there's shrimp in heaven. There's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich...

- People got killed watching a movie. I had no idea there was a film deadlier than GIGLI!

THE FINAL HOWL
THE FINAL DESTINATION is nothing without its 3-D gimmick and it knows it. It's the worst installment in the franchise, but still maintains an entertaining and fun quality that makes it watchable. It sucks that the story was barebones and the characters were bland, but at least the deaths are pretty gruesome [even if the CGI was hit and miss], which is why people see these films anyway. Still, I hope this is the last installment but I'm not holding my breath. Death is a vengeful bitch, so I'm sure a 5th one is on its way sometime soon.

The Marine 2 (2009)

DIRECTED BY
Roel Reine

STARRING
Ted DiBiase Jr. - Joe Linwood
Michael Rooker - Church
Lara Cox - Robin Linwood
Robert Coleby - Conner
Temuera Morrison - Damo

Genre - Action

Running Time - 95 Minutes

Score - 2 Howls Outta 4


PLOT
A marine on temporary leave, Joe Linwood (Ted DiBiase Jr.) wants to return home to be with his wife, Robin (Lara Cox). Unfortunately, Robin's boss (Robert Coleby) is opening some environmental friendly resort in Southeast Asia and she has to go to make sure his dumbass doesn't ruin his image. This means Joe has to go with Robin to this resort. Beautiful beaches, a romantic setting, and free food - how terrible!

Anyway, some terrorists decide to crash the party and take everyone hostage, wanting a tribute that would pay for the crimes against their people. Joe, the only one who wasn't captured, gets help from a former Army soldier (Michael Rooker) to save his wife and the rest of the hostages. Well it's better than jobbing to Triple H again!

REVIEW

STORY
I remember almost hearing about this sequel and just laughing at how absurd it sounded. Why anyone would want to make a sequel to one of the worst films of 2006, THE MARINE starring John Cena, was beyond me. But then again, THE MARINE is still the highest grossing WWE Studios film, so obviously Vince McMahon wanted to capitalize on that. What made things even stranger was that Cena was no longer involved, instead being replaced by Ted DiBiase Jr., the son of "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase. I have nothing at all against Ted Jr. I actually like the guy, as he brings his work boots everytime he wrestles and is poised to be one of the bigger stars in the future of the WWE. But the guy is a heel [or bad guy] at the moment and making him the hero of an action film just seemed like weird marketing. Still, I took a chance on this film - and you know what? It wasn't that bad. I'm not saying THE MARINE 2 is a great film. It's not even a good film. But it's decent and it's a hell of a lot better than that Cena debacle in the original.

The story is pretty much your generic action film. It takes elements from DIE HARD, RAMBO, and any other 80s action film that was really popular at the time. Hell, it even rips off THE MARINE, as the hero has to [once again] save his wife from evil-doers. What does the WWE have with men saving their wives from danger? THE MARINE? 12 ROUNDS? THE MARINE 2? Three strikes you're out! Enough is enough with this sub-plot! But besides that, the story is a lot more focused and more grounded than in the first installment. The characters are a bit better developed, the villains actually have a reason for what they're doing, and the dialogue isn't totally repulsive. So kudos to WWE Studios for actually hiring writers who actually tried to make a film people would somewhat enjoy. Now if they would do that with their current wrestling product, especially on RAW, I would be a happy man!

And supposedly, this film is based on true events. What events those would be, I have no idea. If someone knows, let me know.

DIRECTION
Roel Reine actually did a very nice job on THE MARINE 2. There was some style here [beautiful angles and nice camera movements and transitions] and the editing was really well done. I even thought the pacing wasn't too shabby. I wish the action scenes were more exciting to watch, but I wasn't bored. There was one action sequence where the camera rotated around the entire choregraphy of the fight scene, which I thought was very cool. And I must say that the cinematography for this film was really striking and beautiful. For a low budget direct-to-DVD film, it looked anything but. The visuals really impressed me.

VIOLENCE/SEX/LANGUAGE [aka THE GOOD STUFF]
Well for an action film, it's not overly violent. Still, there is blood, explosions, shootings, stabbings, killing - standard action movie stuff. The language was pretty tame. I think the worst I heard were "asshole" and "shit", both said by DiBiase. And there's no sex at all besides a make out scene on the beach. For an R rated film, it almost felt PG. With the current WWE product, not surprising.

ACTING
While not Oscar-worthy in the slightest, I've seen worse. Ted DiBiase Jr. does okay in his first movie role. He's really wooden at times, but begins to loosen up towards the end of the film. He doesn't have many lines, honestly, but he does okay with them. The action scenes were really nice though, as he did his own stunts and showcased his athleticism. DiBiase doesn't have the presence or the charisma of John Cena but I didn't dislike him in the slightest. Michael Rooker, of HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER, CLIFFHANGER, and SLITHER fame, is pretty much the best actor in the film. He's not in it quite a whole lot but his presence is definitely felt whenever he pops up. He should be in a better film to be honest, as he's a great underrated actor. But he doesn't half-ass it here and makes his character interesting just by being the Rook-Man. Lara Cox is hot as Robin. She's a decent actress to boot as well. And Tamuera Morrison as Damo was your generic villain-of-the-week actor/character. He did what he had to do and it worked for the most part.

MUSIC
Can't honestly remember what the music sounded like. I guess it was your typical action score. Nothing to write home about.

THE FINAL HOWL
THE MARINE 2 exceeded my expectations, which were none. But it's a step up from recent WWE films and it shows that McMahon is serious about his new venture. THE MARINE 2 makes for a decent rental if you have 90 minutes to fill, if you're a fan of action or Ted DiBiase Jr.

Jack Frost (1996)

Guess who's back?

DIRECTED BY
Michael Cooney

STARRING
Scott MacDonald - Jack Frost
Chris Allport - Sheriff Sam Tiler
Stephen Mandel - Agent Manners
Shannon Elizabeth - Jill Metzner
F. William Parker - Paul Davrow
Eileen Seeley - Anne Tiler
Chip Heller - Joe Foster
Marsha Clark - Marla

Genre - Horror/Slasher/X-Mas

Running Time - 89 Minutes

Score - 3.5 Howls Outta 4


Am I the only one who feels like Christmas 2009 doesn't feel like Christmas? With the bad economy, lack of Christmas spirit from the people I'm surrounded by, and my current recovery of the very stressful Fall Semester, these holidays don't feel as happy as they should be. Not even the recent blizzard helped. So I did what I haven't done in a couple of months to try and get into the mood of things: watch a holiday-themed horror movie. And yes, I sat and watched JACK FROST.

Again.

For the fifth time.

Don't look at me like that! Watching a snowman wet hump Shannon Elizabeth to death is the highlight of any winter! Hey, it beats watching that horrible Michael Keaton version. Yeesh, I rather drink anti-freeze before watching that drivel again. Snowmen should be killing people, not bonding with their kids. Happiness - Bah Humbug!

PLOT
A serial killer named Jack Frost (Scott MacDonald) is being transferred to be executed for his crimes. Too bad this is interrupted when the prison van he's riding in crashes into another vehicle carrying untested chemicals. Jack attempts his escape but he winds up touching the chemicals, which melt him and fuse him with the snowy environment around him, turning him into a shape-shifting snowman.

In a nearby small town, Sheriff Sam Tiler (Chris Allport) becomes concerned when Frost ends up missing due to the accident, having apprehended him and knowing how dangerous he is. His feeling of worry increases when people in the town end up getting killed Christmas-style. Realizing that Jack is now a snowman seeking revenge, Tiler must act quickly to save his friends and family from Jack's frosty terror.

REVIEW
JACK FROST gets a lot of flack from many horror fans over the years, but I don't get why that is. Yeah, it's a really dumb, silly piece of horror fluff. But it never takes itself seriously and just wants to entertain with its B-movie magic. Who wouldn't be amused by a killer snowman spouting really cheesy one-liners while he kills stupid people?

The story really isn't important in a movie like this. It's your standard sci-fi horror/supernatural revenge flick where the villain dies, transforms into something that makes him pretty much immortal, and then uses his new abilities to get revenge on those he or she feels did them wrong. It's been done before and it'll continue for generations to come. What makes JACK FROST stand out are the outlandish scenerios we're subjected to in order for the film to move along. The Shannon Elizabeth "rape" scene, which I mentioned earlier, is one of these hilarious over-the-top scenes. We also get scenes where Frost wraps people in Christmas lights, cuts their heads off with sleds, and impales people with icicle projectiles. We also get a scene where Frost gets inside a scientist's body just to escape being contained for future experiments! Plus how many other films do we see a hair dryer used as a weapon and children making poisonous oatmeal for their dad? It's so campy and so silly, but it's a lot of fun to watch. I don't need to see an Oscar-calibre screenplay every time I watch a movie. Sometimes I just want to escape and be entertained. And JACK FROST does that.

The dialogue in JACK FROST is really corny and cheesy as all hell. Frost's one-liners, in particular, either make you want to roll your eyes or just laugh at how dumb he sounds. Here are some examples:

"Well it ain't fuckin' Frosty!"

"Don't eat yellow snow."

"Look, Ma! I'm a Picasso!"

You can't take the dialogue seriously at all. It's like watching the later NOES films, or even CHILD'S PLAY sequels, but cheesier. I want to hate the dialogue but that smile creeps up on my face and I want to hear more. It's great.

The characters in the film are pretty stupid, but then again, they're supposed to be. They're totally clueless to the situation and it makes the scenes where they get killed that more amusing. What also helps that Cooney actually gives these characters a bit of development really quickly, making them a notch above stereotypes. We know who each character is supposed to be and we actually like watching them. That's more than one would expect in a movie like this but I'm glad to see it. Although I do question the family who's son had just been murdered. They didn't even seem to give a crap the kid was dead! I guess we all deal with death differently.

The special effects in JACK FROST are really low-budget, but I think they give the film charm. I know a lot of people complain about how much Jack Frost looks like a puppet made from styrofoam. And yes, that's true. But I think that's what makes the character appealing and fun to watch. And the gore is pretty bad, but it's supposed to be. I think the icicle death was the best one, and the bloodiest. The film knows what it is and does it well. If this film looked like an expensive CGI masterpiece, JACK FROST wouldn't be as enjoyable as it is now.

The direction by Michael Cooney is pretty good. While he doesn't use a lot of stylistic techniques to make the visuals pop out. I did like the shot of a dead woman's point of view as we see the three main cops looking at her. That was pretty effective. Cooney knows how to maintain the tone throughout the film. His goal was to make a cheesy movie and he succeeds in doing that.

The acting is surprisingly not bad at all. Scott MacDonald is great as Jack Frost. He has a great look for a villain when he's in human form, and then brings the menace with his voice-work after the transformation. He reminded me of a mixture of both Robert Englund and Brad Dourif in his voice. I liked it. Chris Allport was also very good as the protagonist, Sheriff Tiler. He knows how to handle scenes well and has a nice presence whenever he's on screen. I read somewhere that he passed away a year ago in an anvalanche. If that's not ironic, I don't know what is. Marsha Clark was cool as Marla, the police dispatcher. And Shannon Elizabeth, in her first movie role, is very memorable as the very hot Jill. Her snow-rape scene is probably the funniest and most memorable sequence in the entire film. She should be proud of this moment. It definitely beats starring in that awful remake of THIR13EN GHOSTS.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE REMEMBERING TO NOT WEAR SO MANY LAYERS BEFORE HAVING SEX

- Don't tell kids "happy" horror stories that are too descriptive of the events that occurred. It'll probably turn them into serial killers. Or into the next Ann Coulter. Neither one is pleasant.

- Never deny a psychotic serial killer a smoke when you're having one. Lung cancer will be the last thing to kill you.

- The town of Snomonton has an annual snowman competition. Unfortunately, Amy Winehouse and Courtney love will be extremely disappointed when they learn the snow used is not the recreational kind. Bummer.

- Don't sled in the driveway of the town sheriff where a killer snowman is hiding out. Your cold heart will melt when that snowman takes you ahead in life. Literally.

- Jill won't get down unless her man puts a log on the fire and brings her a glass of wine. What a cocktease, but I'd probably obey just to have a taste of her AMERICAN PIE.

- Don't stab a pissed off snowman. He'll just impale you to death with his icicles. Just be lucky you weren't penetrated by his carrot nose. That's just embarrassing, although it'll probably improve your vision.

- Jack Frost humped Jill to death. If anyone can make women wet, it's a snowman.

THE FINAL HOWL
JACK FROST isn't a masterpiece, but it's a fun piece of 90 minute fluff that will put a smile on your face. It's a very entertaining B-movie if you happen to go in with low expectations and get the joke. A definitely guilty pleasure and worthy of an annual viewing during the Christmas season. Merry Christmas everyone!