Howls of the Week (10/8/23 - 10/14/23)

This will probably be a new feature, similar to the old monthly LUNAR CYCLE I used to do. I figured I would just post quick thoughts on films I've recently seen, while giving bigger/solo spotlights to more popular/important films. Let's see how this goes.

TOTALLY KILLER (2023)

Directed By: Nahnatchka Khan

Starring: Kiernan Shipka, Olivia Holt, Julie Bowen, Charlie Gillepsie, Lochlyn Munro, Troy Leigh-Anne Johnson, Kimberly Huie, Randall Park

Genre: Horror/Science Fiction/Slasher

Running Time: 106 Minutes

Score: 3 Howls Outta 4 (7 out of 10)

Plot: Thirty-five years after the shocking murders of three teens, an infamous killer returns on Halloween night to claim a fourth victim. When 17-year-old Jamie comes face-to-face with the masked maniac, she accidentally time-travels back to 1987. Forced to navigate the unfamiliar culture, Jamie teams up with her teenage mother to take down the psycho once and for all.

Review: If you like FREAKY or HAPPY DEATH DAY, you'll get a kick out of Amazon's TOTALLY KILLER. While it should have used its BACK TO THE FUTURE premise better, I still had fun with it. The 80s needle drops are always welcomed, the characters were colorful and the mystery of the killer kept me guessing [decent twist at the end]. I wish Kiernan Shipka’s character didn't keep mentioning how things in the 80s were problematic like they are in 2023. Saying it once or twice is fine, but every five to ten minutes wasn’t necessary. I also wish the film was a bit funnier. Still, I didn’t feel like I wasted my time.

PET SEMATARY: BLOODLINES (2023)

Directed By: Lindsey Beer

Starring: Jackson White, Forest Goodluck, Jack Mulhurn, Henry Thomas, Natalie Anne Lynd, Isabella Star LeBlanc, Pam Grier, David Duchovny, Samantha Mathis

Genre: Horror/Science Fiction/Fantasy/Zombies

Running: 87 Minutes

Score: 1 Howl Outta 4 (3 out of 10)

Plot: In 1969, a young Jud Crandall has dreams of leaving his hometown of Ludlow, Maine behind, but soon discovers sinister secrets buried within and is forced to confront a dark family history that will forever keep him connected to Ludlow. 

Review: The less said about PET SEMATARY: BLOODLINES, the better. 87 minutes and felt longer than that, as I had to sit through multiple sittings just to get through this. Great actors [Pam Grier, Henry Thomas, Samantha Mathis, David Duchovny] were wasted in their roles. The story dragged towards an unsatisfying resolution. The novel and even the ‘89 version told this story in a more effective way in a much lesser time span. I wasn’t the biggest fan of the 2019 remake, but I thought maybe this prequel could have improved on that. The people behind this forced franchise should realize that sometimes, dead is better. 

SHE CAME FROM THE WOODS (2022)

Directed By: Erik Bloomquist 

Starring: Cara Buono, Clare Foley, Spencer List, William Sadler, Michael Park, Tyler Elliot Burke

Genre: Horror/Supernatural/Slasher

Running Time: 101 Minutes

Score: 3 Howls Outta 4 (7 out of 10)

Plot: In 1987, a group of counselors accidentally unleashes a decades’ old evil on the last night of summer camp.

Review: Caught this modern slasher on Tubi before it left the service and I dug it quite a bit. Set in 1987 [besides the modern language and the appearance of an Apple Watch - whoops], this supernatural slasher involves a camp being terrorized by a watch who possesses children and campers after a ritual gone wrong. Good performances [Cara Buono and William Sadler especially], decent gore effects considering its small budget and a lore that’s nicely built but doesn’t end in a real satisfactory way makes this one worth looking for whenever it pops back up on Tubi or another streaming service. Recommended for FRIDAY THE 13TH, THE BURNING and MADMAN fans.

DRACULA'S DAUGHTER (1936)

Directed By: Lambert Hillyer

Starring: Gloria Holden, Otto Kruger, Marguerite Churchill, Irving Pichel, Gilbert Emery, Edward Van Sloan

Genre: Horror/Drama/Fantasy/Vampires

Running Time: 71 Minutes

Score: 3 Howls Outta 4 (7 out of 10)

Plot: A countess from Transylvania seeks a psychiatrist’s help to cure her vampiric cravings. 

Review: The first sequel to the immortal 1931 Universal Studios classic DRACULA, I slightly like this film more due to the filmmaking style. This feels more like a real movie than the stagey DRACULA does. The story with the Countess dealing with not wanting to be like her father, trying to find ways to stop being a vampire, was actually pretty interesting, Plus for a film from this era, having a lesbian angle was quite brave and surprising in a good way. I thought the performances were okay, with only Gloria Holden really standing out as the title character. And learning she hated being in this film because she thought she was above the material, it makes her performance stronger and more legit in my opinion. Plus, the film is short and sweet and doesn’t overstay its welcome.

BLOOD OF DRACULA (1957)

Directed By: Herbert L. Strock

Starring: Sandra Harrison, Louise Lewis, Gail Ganley, Mary Adams, Malcolm Afterbury, Barbara Wilson, Lynn Alden

Genre: Horror/Vampires

Running Time: 69 Minutes

Score: 2 Howls Outta 4 (5 out of 10)

Plot: A crazed teacher at a respectable girls’ school draws power from a medallion she has obtained from the Carpathian Mountains, and uses it to experiment telepathically on the school’s newest young pupil.

Review: Pretty much the same template as I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF, this “vampire” movie feels more like a teen drama with supernatural elements in it. Honestly, this film didn’t do a whole lot for me. It sort of meanders towards the finish line, with the main character being hypnotized and controlled by her teacher, for whatever reason, until we see the main reveal in the last moments of the movie. I thought the main character’s relationship with her father and her indifferent stepmother was interesting at the start, but it just felt flatter as the movie rolled on. Not bad, but nothing I would rush out to watch again.

THE VAMPIRE LOVERS (1970)

Directed By: Roy Ward Baker

Starring: Ingrid Pitt, Peter Cushing, George Cole, Kate O'Mara, Ferdy Mayne, Douglas Wilmer, Madeline Smith, Pippa Steel

Genre: Horror/Vampires

Running Time: 91 Minutes

Score: 3 Howls Outta 4 (7 out of 10)

Plot: In the heart of Styria the Karnstein Family, even after their mortal deaths, rise from their tombs spreading evil in the countryside in their lust for fresh blood. Baron Hartog whose family are all victims of Karnstein vampirism, opens their graves and drives a stake through their diabolical hearts. One grave he cannot locate is that of the legendary beautiful Mircalla Karnstein. Years of peace follow that grisly night until Mircalla reappears to avenge her family’s decimation and satisfy her desire for blood.

Review: Part of the Karnstein trilogy, this Hammer production is quite titillating with its lesbian undertones and an Ingrid Pitt performance that commands the spotlight and captivates the audience. Nicely paced, with a Gothic atmosphere and good performances that balance the horror with the melodrama. Probably not one of the best Hammer films out there, or even one I would think of whenever the studio is brought up. Yet, this one is definitely worth watching if you’re into sexy vampires.

TWINS OF EVIL (1971)

Directed By: John Hough

Starring: Peter Cushing, Dennis Price, Madeleine Collinson, Mary Collinson, Isobel Black, Kathleen Byron, David Warbeck

Genre: Horror/Vampires

Running Time: 87 Minutes

Score: 3 Howls Outta 4 (8 out of 10)

Plot: While dabbling in Satanism, Count Karstein resurrects Mircalla Karnstein who initiates him into vampirism. As a rash of deaths afflicts the village, Gustav the head of Puritan group leads his men to seek out and destroy the pestilence. One of his twin nieces has become inflicted with the witchcraft but Gustav’s zeal and venom has trapped the innocent Maria, threatening her with a tortuous execution, whilst Frieda remains free to continue her orgy of evil.

Review: The third film of Hammer’s Karnstein’s trilogy, I thought TWINS OF EVIL was a lot more fun to watch than THE VAMPIRE LOVERS. Better action. Better effects. More compelling performances, especially by Peter Cushing, David Warbeck and the Collinson twins. The title is misleading [only one evil twin really] and it isn’t as titillating as THE VAMPIRE LOVERS. But I liked this film quite a lot and would definitely watch this again.

SANTO VS. THE VAMPIRE WOMEN (1962)

Directed By: Alfonso Corona Blake

Starring: Santo, Lorena Velazquez, Maria Duval, Jaime Fernandez, Augusto Benedico, Ofelia Montesco, Xavier Loja

Genre: Horror/Action/Fantasy/Vampires/Werewolves

Running Time: 89 Minutes

Score: 2 Howls Outta 4 (5 out of 10)

Plot: A professor recruits a professional wrestler to protect his daughter from vampires intent on kidnapping her and marrying her to the devil.

Review: If you’ve ever watched a horror film starring Lucha Libre star Santo [or Samson in the English dubbing], you know exactly what you’re getting. Silly, campy and just oddball story and action involving a coven of female vampires and their male minions who want to kidnap the daughter of someone who escaped their grasp many years prior. The grandfather hires Santo to protect her, leading to many goofy action scenes, including a wrestling one involving a vampire/werewolf person(?). Considering this was an episode of MST3K, I don’t think the film is that bad that it earned that honor. While pretty dumb, the dubbing is actually funny and the action scenes are amusing. Plus I thought the final act was a lot of fun, especially with Santo driving that sweet convertible. Better than what its reputation would tell you, to be quite honest.

Escape the Field (2022)

DIRECTED BY

Emerson Moore

STARRING

Jordan Claire Robbins, Theo Rossi, Shane West, Tahirah Sharif, Elena Juatco, Julian Fender

Genre: Horror/Thriller/Mystery

Running Time: 89 Minutes

PLOT

Six strangers suddenly awaken in a remote, endless cornfield. Stripped of their possessions, they are left with only six items: a gun with a single bullet, matches, a lantern, a knife, a compass, and a flask of water. As mysterious sirens blare in the distance and traps appear at every turn, the group realizes it’s been plunged into a cat-and-mouse game with an unseen evil, and survival depends upon solving a diabolical and deadly puzzle.

REVIEW

If you take the premise of CUBE and put it in a large cornfield maze, you get 2022’s ESCAPE THE FIELD - a movie that’s nowhere as entertaining as the film that I mentioned. It’s unfortunate because this movie had my interest for the first two acts with a mystery that had me wondering what was going on in terms of the situation.

Who is behind this sick game?

How are these six strangers connected?

Why do certain characters have certain items on them?

Why are some of these characters acting shadier than others? Are they part of the game?

These questions had me intrigued for much of the film, despite characters not having a ton of depth or interesting aspects to them besides their behavior within the game. Then, the third act happens and just destroys all momentum and interest I had in ESCAPE THE FIELD. Important characters start to get less screen time for whatever reason. There’s a random monster versus monster fight that’s not really established. In fact, why this game was even happening is never explained! The movie never bothers to provide a real answer to what’s going on, making me wonder why I even bothered for 90 minutes. If the game was an experiment, what was the reason? Why six players? Were the monsters survivors of previous games? Like anything would have been nice!

The screenplay is so bare bones that it makes me sad because other aspects of the film weren’t that bad. The direction by Emerson Moore was pretty decent, considering much of the film took place within a cornfield. I thought the cinematography at times was beautiful and things were shot very well. And the actors - especially Jordan Claire Robbins, Theo Rossi and Shane West - were all believable in their roles, trying to do their best with what they were given [which wasn’t much].

It’s a shame ESCAPE THE FIELD turned out the way it did, especially since it grabbed me at the beginning and just petered out by the halfway point. When a mystery doesn’t provide the answers you’re looking for, what’s the point? ESCAPE THE FIELD by watching something else more worth your time.

SCORE

1.5 Howls Outta 4

(4 out of 10)

Beast (2022)

DIRECTED BY

Baltasar Kormakur

STARRING

Idris Elba - Dr. Nate Daniels

Leah Sava Jeffries - Norah Daniels

Iyana Halley - Meredith Daniels

Sharlto Copley - Martin Battles

Genre - Horror/Thriller/Action/Adventure/Bad Animals

Running Time - 93 Minutes

PLOT

A recently widowed man and his two teenage daughters travel to a game reserve in South Africa. However, their journey of healing soon turns into a fight for survival when a bloodthirsty lion starts to stalk them.

REVIEW

So this is my 1200th (!!!) review and I had planned to make it special by discussing some monumental horror film that would kick off the next 100 reviews. But with real life in the way and catching up on films that have been sitting in my queue for months, that plan went up in flames. Instead, I caught up with one of those “sitting-in-queue” films that I had planned on reviewing anyway last year, but I didn’t get to it since I felt the movie was made more for streaming purposes rather than a theatrical experience. And that movie is 2022’s BEAST.

In all honesty, BEAST isn’t a bad film to kick off the next 100 reviews. After all, I spent many years focusing on animal-run-amok movies during the Summer Season. Man versus beast flicks are my jam, and BEAST is also elevated by the presence of both Idris Elba and Sharlto Copley, two actors I enjoy watching. So I was pretty eager to check out both actors trying to take down an angry lion. And while BEAST doesn’t reinvent the wheel and is fairly predictable in every single beat of the film, it’s still a pretty good time and worthy of its animal-run-amok tropes.

Nate Daniels and his family are vacationing in South Africa as a way for Nate to reconnect with his estranged daughters after their mother passes away from cancer. Along with his best friend Martin, the foursome see the sights until they encounter a village littered with corpses due to the attack of an angry lion who lost its pride due to poachers. The lion targets the group and terrorizes them, making Nate fight back for survival for himself and his family.

Like I already mentioned, you’ll get nothing new in a film like BEAST. It’s pretty much your typical fish-out-of-water situation where a dangerous animal is terrorizing a location, while the main character tries to save the other characters from getting mauled by said animal due to their stupid actions. Nate and Martin are constantly on the proactive side of things, tending to people and even hunting down the lion to stop it so it won’t hurt anyone else. Unfortunately, Nate’s daughters have no real urgency and just react in ways that are frustrating to any viewer. When told to stay put inside their car, they’ll still wander off [sometimes even separately] to see what’s going on or to see if they can help, only distracting Nate and Martin. Or in one situation, they’ll use a walkie-talkie to speak with Nate as he’s looking for keys to an abandoned vehicle he could use to escape, not realizing that their voices through the speaker are only alerting the lion to their father’s location. And while one of the daughters is upset at Nate for how he handled his relationship with her mother before she tragically passed away, arguing with him and bringing up a rough past doesn’t help anyone in this kind of situation.

The daughters can be a bit annoying, but it’s understandable why they’re depicted like this. They’re still angry with their father. They’ve never been in a situation like this. And they’re only doing stupid things because they’re on flight-or-fight mode. Plus, it allows some character development and drama to play out, which will only keep the audience engaged.

Nate is also a flawed character, feeling guilt over how he handled his marriage with his late wife, while pushing his daughters away. And while his early attempts to reconnect with them prove to be in vain, as his daughters are pretty cold towards him, he soon earns their respect as he protects them from a man-eating lion. Nate’s heroism makes him a likable character, despite the mistakes he made in the past, which he easily admits to.

Martin is the archetypical local member of the group who knows the location very well and what they’re dealing with. He’s also kind to the local animals, especially the lions in the area who seem friendly with him, which makes him a target of poachers who want to hurt these animals. His anti-poach stance comes into play during the latter half of the movie, creating unnecessary conflict for the survivors as they’re being hunted down by a dangerous lion.

As for the lion itself, it plays out as your typical angry or rabid animal with a single-minded focus on attacking and killing anyone in its way. It’s angry at humans for what happened to its pride, making BEAST a revenge movie for the animal. But the lion is really just a catalyst to bring Nate and his family back together through this terrifying experience they’re sharing together. They’re able to have a common ground against a common enemy, which is what really drives the narrative towards its predictable conclusion.

I think the best part about BEAST is its visual presentation. The direction by Baltasar Kormakur plays up all the animal-run-amok tropes to perfection, building suspense and tension once the animal attacks begin. The quiet moments are done wonderfully, but when the action picks up, it’s definitely thrilling. And shout out to cinematographer Philippe Rousselot for creating a beautiful film. The South African location looks lovely with rich earthy colors [brown, yellow and orange]. And the shots of the lion, whether close up or lurking in the background as it plans its next move, really add to the moments in which the lion appears. I believe the lion was actually CGI for the most part and it’s some of the best CGI I’ve seen done for an animal-run-amok movie like this. It definitely looks believable, allowing one to take what they’re watching more seriously than they probably ought to.

The actors are really good as well. Idris Elba is always reliable and he does well as the lead, Nate Daniels, here. Elba convincingly plays a guilt-ridden father, a selfless hero for his daughters and best friend, and a total badass who stands up to a lion who has no qualms in mauling him. I read a lot of folks joking that Elba only got the job because The Rock probably turned the role down. All I’m gonna say is that Elba probably did this role more justice than The Rock could have dreamed of doing. Leah Sava Jeffries and Iyana Halley are very good as Nate’s daughters, playing scared believably. And Sharlto Copley is always nice to see and he brings a level of authenticity to his role of Martin.

THE FINAL HOWL

It doesn’t reinvent the wheel when it comes to animal-run-amok movies, but 2022’s BEAST still manages to be a fun time. The film follows every trope that one would expect from a movie like this. You get a fish-out-of-water situation for the survivors. You get an angry animal whose only intent is to hurt anyone standing in its way. You get characters who panic to the point where they do stupid things that could jeopardize their survival and the survival of others. And you get thrilling action and dramatic beats that bring people closer together due to a traumatic situation. It’s all been done before, but BEAST handles it the right way and doesn’t insult its audience in trying to be something that it isn’t.

The direction by Baltasar Kormakur is strong, slowly building suspense and tension while making the action sequences pretty thrilling when they do happen. And the beautiful cinematography by Philippe Rousselot highlights the great looking South African location, while making the CGI lion look super realistic to the point where I was questioning whether the animal was real or not. And the small cast gives the film credibility, especially Idris Elba in a strong starring role. If you happened to miss this one for whatever reason and you like animals terrorizing people for 90 minutes, then you could do a lot worse than BEAST.

SCORE

3 Howls Outta 4

(7 out of 10)

Lunar Cycle - December 2022

Since I don’t have as much time to write longer reviews than I used to, I figured I would just post shorter reviews for horror/cult films that I feel deserve your attention.

Directed By: Robert A. Endelson

Starring: Robert Judd, Catherine Peppers, Lela Small, Yvonne Ross, Reggie Rock Bythewood, Ramon Saunders, William Sanderson, Daniel Faraldo, Peter Yoshida

Genre: Drama/Thriller/Crime

Running Time: 82 Minutes

Score - 3 Howls Outta 4 (7 out of 10)

Plot: A minister dispenses justice on three convicts who take his family hostage. 

Review:

A blaxploitation version of Wes Craven’s 1972 cult classic THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT, 1977’s FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE is best known as a Section 1 Video Nasty due to its violence and especially due to the offensive language recited by several characters to each other. Never having seen this film before, you have no idea the anger that was brewing inside of me throughout my watch. There were points where I wanted to turn off the movie because some of the things certain characters were saying made me feel like I needed a shower due to how disgusting it was to hear it. Considering our current social climate though, the behavior of the villains is probably more realistic than I want to believe. For that, the film works better than it should.

Besides the racial slurs throughout, FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE plays out like your typical home invasion exploitation movie. Criminals forcibly enter a home, take the residents hostage, and torture and humiliate them until the victims stand up for themselves and get some sort of revenge. The police are also around, looking pretty dumb until the last few minutes of the film where they actually realize that justice has to be served in maybe a not-so-legal sense. Straw Weisman’s screenplay does what it needs to do, meaning making us want to see the antagonists get it in the worst way.

I also appreciated the subtlety of director Robert A. Endelson’s direction. He could have gotten carried away with certain scenes, like a LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT or a I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE. But besides a young boy getting bashed in the head by a rock and a toddler getting a gun pointed at him or her, the rest of the film shows a bit of restraint. There’s a rape scene but it’s more implied than shown. The more offensive scenes involve the antagonists [a white man, a Latino man and an Asian man] degrading the African-American protagonists by forcing them to dance, sing, or speak as if they’re living in the Jim Crow south. A young boy even gets food thrown at him and spit on at certain points in the film. The bits of style [the boy being bludgeoned and a character getting slapped in the face by a Bible multiple times] create a level of surrealism during a realistic looking film that builds tension while also making you feel angry over how these characters are being treated.

The cast mostly do a good job. In particular - Robert Judd is good as the preacher head of the household who does whatever the villains want to maintain peace and keep his family safe for as long as possible until certain events lead him to fight back. Lela Small as the grandmother has spunk and some good dialogue. Reggie Rock Bythewood is a good child actor who has moments to shine. And Newhart’s William Sanderson as the evil Jessie Lee is so despicable and cruel that you want nothing but bad things to happen to him. Sanderson is known for being a great supporting character actor over the decades. He’s lucky this movie was released 45 years ago because he would be canceled big time if a movie like this ever came out today.

1977’s FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE is a film that definitely earned its Video Nasty branding and probably a film I would never watch again. Despite my feelings, I would still recommend it to anyone who wants to see all the Video Nasties and/or looking for a film similar to THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT, I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE, or DEATH WISH. It has solid performances. The direction is good, using the film’s low budget well. And while the colorful language in the screenplay will offend many viewers [the reason why it’s a Video Nasty to begin with], the home invasion story does what it needs to do despite a conclusion that probably should have been stronger than it actually is. The villains [especially William Sanderson’s character of the racist Jessie Lee] deserved more than what they got, if I can be honest with you. And there are definitely scenes that will upset you for various reasons. I know I was triggered during my watch. This is a film that’s not for everyone, nor could ever be made again. 

Directed By: Jason Eisener

Starring: Jonathan Torrens, Sarah Dunsworth, Maris Morgan, Jayden Taylor, Mike Cleven

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Running Time: 16 Minutes

Score - 3 Howls Outta 4 (8 out of 10)

Plot: Treevenge details the experiences and horrifying reality of the lives of Christmas trees. Clearly, for trees, Christmas isn’t the exciting “peace on earth” that is experienced by most. After being hacked down, and shipped away from their homes, they quickly become strung up, screwed into an upright position for all to see, exposed in a humiliation of garish decorations. But this Christmas will be different, this Christmas the trees have had enough, this Christmas the trees will fight back. Treevenge could be a short film about the end of days for Christmas trees, or perhaps, the end of humanity?

Review:

Have you ever thought about the plight of Christmas trees during the holiday season after they’ve been forcefully uprooted and decorated against their will to make your homes look festive?

Of course not because you’re too busy about receiving gifts you’ll return within 48 hours!

But writer-director Jason Eisener, who would later direct 2009’s cult hit HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN, did. If TREEVENGE doesn’t make you second guess the angry thoughts those fir trees may have against you that could eventually ruin your holiday, then you deserve a lump of coal in your stocking!

Seriously though, this 16-minute Christmas horror short film is bonkers and surprisingly a fun time throughout. You won’t get character development or much of a story besides the actual plot idea itself. But TREEVENGE goes all out in making this movie one you’ll never forget anytime soon. It has over-the-top hammy acting. It has subtitles that let us in on what the trees are saying and thinking throughout their struggles. Eisener provides visual energy that just grows towards the insane ending of the movie. And some of the kills are just hilariously wicked. There’s one in particular involving a baby’s head, the bottom of a Christmas tree, and… yikes!

TREEVENGE will be an annual holiday horror watch from now on, as it’s the first Christmas film this year that actually got me into the spirit of the holiday. 

SAVE THE TREES!

Directed By: Joe Begos

Starring: Riley Dandy, Sam Delich, Jonah Ray, Dora Madison, Jeff Daniel Phillips, Abraham Benrubi, Jeremy Gardner

Genre: Horror/Slasher

Running Time: 87 Minutes

Score: 2.5 Howls Outta 4 (6 out of 10)

Plot: It’s Christmas Eve and Tori just wants to get drunk and party, but when a robotic Santa Clause at a nearby toy store goes haywire and begins a rampant killing spree through her small town, she’s forced into a battle for survival.

Review:

If you combine the 1984 films THE TERMINATOR and SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT, you get 2022’s CHRISTMAS BLOODY CHRISTMAS - a slasher film that takes the killer Santa concept and infuses it with 21st century technology. 

Director Joe Begos’ best moments are when the killer Santa robot [a former military weapon that’s being recalled from stores due to some dangerous malfunctioning] decides to activate and murder anyone it sees. The violence and gore is the film’s true selling point, as CHRISTMAS BLOODY CHRISTMAS does not hold back on the various ways the victims die. Head stomps, different axe attacks, shotguns making heads explode, human bodies being split open easily - fans of gore will appreciate the awesome practical effects put in by the effects team, which are shot very well by Begos.

Begos also infuses the film with a great Christmas aesthetic. The locale looks cold and wintry, with snow falling and on the ground while holiday decorations light up many of the film’s scenes. Begos loves his neon colors, especially the color red, which gives the movie a foreign feel that I appreciated. And I’m not sure if the film was shot with 16mm film, but it looks great to have that grain on a slasher movie like this.

The synthwave score and the metal songs that play throughout the film also rock.

The movie’s downfall is unfortunately it’s screenplay, which probably houses the most times the word “fuck” has been said in the span of 90 minutes onscreen. Surprised that Rob Zombie didn’t write the script, the use of the word was cute for a few minutes until it just annoyed me. In fact, a lot of the dialogue was pretty bad, as all the characters sounded the same to me - loudmouth, angry and horny characters with no real development or depth to make us know who they were besides their obvious archetypes. The only time I really enjoyed the dialogue was when the two main characters were having pop culture debates and conversations because that’s what I do with my friends. Although anyone who thinks FREDDY’S DEAD is the best NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET movie probably deserves to be the target of a killer robot Santa Claus. 

It’s a shame the script was terrible because I thought the cast had nice chemistry that could have been brought out more under better writers. In particular, Riley Dandy and Sam Delich were good as the two leads - especially Dandy who made for a tough, badass Final Girl during the film’s tense and action-filled second half. I thought character actor Abraham Benrubi did a great job as the film’s villainous Santa. Not sure if it was still him under the robotic effects near the end of the film, but he did nice work making the character seem threatening and unstoppable. And it’s always nice to see Jeff Daniel Phillips pop up, especially for a movie where he can say the word “fuck” multiple times. He’s had years of practice perfecting it.

Considering the hype, I was a bit let down by CHRISTMAS BLOODY CHRISTMAS. Lame script aside, I thought the rest of the ingredients were there to make this worth a watch for the holiday season. It has a killer Santa, awesome practical gore, good lead performances, a sweet score and metal music, and great visuals that capture the holiday in the film’s title. I don’t think it’s a movie I’ll watch every year, but it’s better than watching Hallmark. More blood and less attractive people romantically getting together over hot cocoa fills my holiday spirit every time.

Directed By: Steve Rudzinski

Starring: Steve Rudzinski, Aleen Isley, Marci Leigh, Autumn Ivy, Garrett Hunter, Scott Lewis, Bill Murphy

Genre: Horror/Comedy/Romance

Running Time: 50 Minutes

Score - 2.5 Howls Outta 4 (6 out of 10)

Plot: Wally has won a vacation to sunny Amityville! While there he has met a woman: a GHOST woman! Can the spirit of Christmas bring these two opposites together?

Review: 

More of a cash-grab than an actual installment in the AMITYVILLE HORROR series, AMITYVILLE CHRISTMAS VACATION is less a horror movie and more of a romantic comedy involving a clueless and dim-witted police officer and a ghost who end up falling in love. There’s nothing remotely scary about this movie and the events don’t even take place inside the famous house, but next door. The make-up and CGI effects look super cheap and director-star Steve Rudzinski films the whole thing like a quick student film that will be uploaded on YouTube for free for his friends and family to see. Visually and story-wise, there’s nothing all that special and interesting about this film.

But the cheapness and the over-the-top acting makes AMITYVILLE CHRISTMAS VACATION oddly charming and amusing, especially when the couple falls in love and outside forces want to destroy the relationship before it blossoms even further via scheming landlords, ghost hunters and even a skeleton that’s meant to be the Ghost of Christmas Future. It’s goofy, dumb as rocks, yet way less boring than most of the AMITYVILLE films I’ve seen. Plus, the film is only 50 minutes - how can anyone hate that?

While I don’t think AMITYVILLE CHRISTMAS VACATION is a must-see or anything, I would recommend it if you want something short and silly to watch for the holidays that you can shut off your brain to. This is a quick watch for you and your boo to support the fact that even evil spirits need love during the Christmas season.

Directed By: Philippe Gagnon

Starring: Robyn Alomar, Mary Walsh, Nadine Bhabha, Matias Garrido, Corteon Moore, Emma Elle Paterson, Tori Barban, Dakota Jamal Wellman, Tim Rozon

Genre: Horror/Thriller/Slasher

Running Time: 90 Minutes

Score: 2 Howls Outta 4 (5 out of 10)

Plot: Alana and a group of college seniors board a party train for a Halloween-themed bash, but their fun spirals into fear when a mysterious assailant begins killing the passengers one-by-one.

Review:

Back in October, I was surprised to see that Tubi had produced a remake of the 1980 cult slasher TERROR TRAIN. The original 1980 slasher isn’t a top level slasher, but it has memorable moments and a great Jamie Lee Curtis performance. Plus, it had a killer who would disguise himself in unique costumes, as well as a reveal that I didn’t see coming even though it’s in front of you the entire time. And even though I appreciate Tubi, I honestly wasn’t expecting a lot from this TERROR TRAIN remake. But color me surprised - it’s not half bad, even though it’s nothing special either.

Since I had watched the original a couple days before, the new TERROR TRAIN felt like deja vu for the most part. We have the same characters and relationships. We have the same inciting incident, the same beats in how the story plays out, and even the same ways the murders happen in the exact same order. Even a lot of the staging is the same. The only differences are that characters have been racebended, gender bended, a short commentary on a woke society, it takes place on Halloween instead of New Year’s Eve, the visuals look cheaper and the killer costumes aren’t as unique [prefer Groucho Marx over a clown any day]. But the film is still fairly watchable.

What really sets this new TERROR TRAIN apart is the changed final act, that retains a lot of what happened previously but does it with a nice twist that actually works in the film’s favor. The original ending wouldn’t fly in a 2022 society, considering its characterization of a mentally ill character. The new ending adds a new element to the original’s, playing homage to a more famous slasher film of the 1980s. It brings a less problematic conclusion to the remake while also keeping things a bit more open-ended, which gives the film a reason to exist.

And while the direction and screenplay is fine but nothing spectacular, the acting helps elevate things a bit. In particular, I enjoyed Robyn Alomar as Alana, Matias Garrido as Doc and Schitt’s Creek’s Tim Rozon as the Magician. While David Copperfield was more creepy in the original, Rozon is a way better actor and gives the Magician some depth that wasn’t in the original film. 

I still prefer the original TERROR TRAIN due to its atmosphere and stronger performances. But the remake is worth watching if you’ve never bothered with the original, or if you’re just curious about this update. 

Now let’s see about the sequel to this remake…

Directed By: Philippe Gagnon

Starring: Robyn Alomar, Nia Roam, Romy Weltman, Tim Rozon, Lisa Truong, Emma Elle Paterson, Dakota Jamal Wellman

Genre: Horror/Thriller/Slasher

Running Time: 88 Minutes

Score: 1.5 Howls Outta 4 (4 out of 10)

Plot: A year has passed since a series of gruesome murders took the lives of multiple college seniors aboard the now infamous Terror Train. The survivors are coerced to go on a New Year’s Eve redemption ride aboard the very same train, where a new kind of evil awaits and the terrified passengers must once again fight to survive the ride.

Review:

So I guess these new TERROR TRAIN films were filmed back-to-back considering how close both films were released from each other. TERROR TRAIN is a decent remake for what it is, made for modern audiences who may not have seen the original cult clasher. While the ending was a bit open-ended, it wasn’t like audiences were clamoring for a sequel. And from watching TERROR TRAIN 2, the film proves that some stories should be left alone.

TERROR TRAIN 2 takes place a year after the events of the first film, this time taking place during the original’s setting - New Year’s Eve on a train. The survivors from the last film have returned, it seems many beats from both versions of TERROR TRAIN are repeated here, along with the same killer costumes and a simple knife for a weapon. Despite a never ending commentary on grief and trauma, an emphasis on social media and live streaming, and an ending that pays homage to a more recent slasher sequel [although nowhere as effective], TERROR TRAIN 2 is pretty much the same movie as the first one. It’s only less interesting or exciting, with more annoying characters and weird performances that seem to distract from the story rather than enhance it. 

The real issue is the film’s story, which makes all the characters look dumb. I can understand getting back on a Terror Train to get over the trauma of what happened there previously. But characters are cosplaying as the killer to scare the survivors, or gaslighting them for having panic attacks when weird stuff goes down. Murders are happening and people think it’s a prank or something, with no common sense that what happened before is probably happening again. So strange and annoying, to the point where I didn’t care who survived this ride.

The direction by Philippe Gagnon is the same as the first, but with less tension and suspense. The kills are ordinary, with stabbings and ax attacks being the focus. There aren’t enough of them though, although there is a lot of CGI blood.. And the film feels a bit rushed, as the final act wraps up fairly quickly and easily without enough time to simmer in it. 

The actors are fine, with the highlights of the last film [Robyn Alomar and Tim Rozon] being the best. Romy Weltman seems to be having a blast playing mean girl influencer Pet, also returning from the first film. Her character is really grating but Weltman does a good job with the role.

I just felt like TERROR TRAIN 2 was a film that was spinning its wheels to continue a story that really didn’t need it. While it’s nice to see what happened to the survivors of the first film, the movie doesn’t do a whole lot to make us care. But at least it wasn’t the worst horror film I watched in 2022, so the film has that going for it. I’m hoping this is the last trip on the TERROR TRAIN for a while.