Linnea Quigley - Spider
Andras Jones - Calvin
Robin Rochelle - Babs
Carla Baron - Frankie
Kathi O'Brecht - Rhonda
John Stewart Wildman - Keith
Hal Havens - Jimmie
Brinke Stevens - Taffy
Michelle Bauer - Lisa
Michael Soneye (aka Dukey Flyswatter) - The Imp
George "Buck" Flower - Janitor
Genre - Horror/Comedy/Demons/B-Movies
Running Time - 79 Minutes
Score - 3 Howls Outta 4
I honestly have never seen the point of joining a fraternity or a sorority. Sure, it's cool to be part of a supposedly honorable group that will help you with room and board, plus your back when you need it. But the initiations and hazings would just be embarrassing. I mean, does anyone get off getting their bare ass paddled?
If you're raising your hands and you're female, send me your digits. We need to...talk.
Anyway, joining a fraternity and a sorority is nothing but trouble. Who wants a sore ass? Who wants to eat and drink weird things that may have come out of a human body? Who wants feel confused about their sexuality? Who wants to break into a bowling alley to steal a trophy that holds a jive-talkin' Imp who'll give you nothing but pain for 79 minutes? If you're the characters in the cult classic, SORORITY BABES IN THE SLIME BOWL-O-RAMA, then there's definitely a strike in your future.
Three geeky dudes (Andras Jones, John Stewart Wildman, and Hal Havens) decide to sneak into some sorority called Tri Delta to watch two girls, Taffy and Lisa (Brinke Stevens and Michelle Bauer), get spanked during their initiation. Once they're discovered by the leaders of the sorority (Robin Rochelle, Kathi O'Brecht, and Carla Baron), the geeks are forced to join Lisa and Taffy to steal a trophy at the local bowling alley at the Plaza Camino Mall in order to become full-fledged members of Tri Delta. After they break into the bowling alley, they encounter the rough and tough Spider (Linnea Quigley), who's busy robbing the place herself. The group finds the trophy but accidentally knock it over, releasing a demonic imp that was trapped inside for years. Offering wishes, the imp messes with the gang's lives one by one, making certain people regretting that they should have been careful for what they wished for.
I remember watching SORORITY BABES IN THE SLIMEBALL BOWL-O-RAMA many years ago when USA Network's Up All Night show was still on the air. I loved the film back then and after watching it again since the early 1990s, I still really like SBITSBOR. Just by reading that really long movie title, this is not a film that is meant to be taken seriously. It helps that the film barely takes itself seriously as well. It's a horror film. It's a pretty witty comedy. It's an exploitation film in a way. SBITSBOR is that rare feature whose bad qualities make up for an endearing guilty pleasure.
SORORITY BABES IN THE SLIMEBALL BOWL-O-RAMA has everything one would want in an 80s B-movie.
Cheesy special effects? Check.
Awesome glam metal soundtrack? Check.
Horrible acting? Check.
Bad 80s fashion and hairstyles? Check and check.
Female nudity? Double D check.
This is not a film where we study the screenplay. But the story is simple enough and works well for 80 minutes. The characters are actually pretty well-developed for this kind of film, where each character has a different look and personality that differentiates them from each other. The dialogue is pretty silly and won't win any awards, but it's silly to the point where you just shake your head and just laugh at how dumb the whole situation is and how the characters react to it and to each other. Unlike BIKINI BLOODBATH, the characters' lines get right to the point and then we move on to the next scenerio. Also, the nudity has a purpose here, even if it is still gratuitous. Not all the jokes work of course, but the screenplay has its purpose and does it well enough to make this type of movie work.
The special effects in SBITSBOR are cheesy and definitely low-budget, but they're still entertaining to watch because of it. The Imp character himself is nothing but a rubber puppet that makes Chucky look as human as you and me. But it's funny to watch him speak and just say really bad puns that just make you chuckle. And the demon make-up was pretty good too. I dug it.
The death scenes are also pretty cool. I loved the bowling ball to the face death where a demon gets killed. Someone gets decapitated. We also get someone getting murdered by a ball polisher. None of it will scare you or make you cringe with disgust, but they're a nice distraction from the comedy surrounding them.
And of course, we get boobs, boobs, and more boobs here. Especially by Michelle Bauer, who takes off her top any chance she can get and I'm thankful to her for that. Unfortunately, Linnea Quigley does not get naked like she usually does in her other films. But she looked hot in her tight pants and ripped shirt. Hey, I'll take what I can get.
The direction by David DeCoteau isn't really memorable. He's just there to shoot at Bauer's boobs, Bauer's ass, and the closeup of the Imp. But the pacing's great and the editing is tight. It visually does its job for 80 minutes. Can't complain too much about that.
The acting is pretty bad, but that's pretty much the whole point I think. Linnea Quigley is far from the greatest actress of all time. Her dry delivery and lack of enthusiasm reciting lines would probably make some people wonder why she had a job for so long [she has an all-nudity clause, dumbasses]. But I find the whole thing sort of endearing about her. Her sarcastic wit and tough chick act is winner for me and I rather liked her alot in this film. Sure, she doesn't get naked which sucks. But she looked hot in her outfit, so it's cool. Andras Jones as Calvin was pretty funny. The nerd act worked for me alot and his drunk act made me laugh. How does a guy get drunk from a can of beer? I liked his chemistry with Quigley. They made a cute couple. The other actors were all good [or bad] in what they did, especially Michelle Bauer who did not mind showing off her assets. Thank you, Michelle! My boner was very happy with your performance. And Dukey Flyswatter as the Imp had me rollin'. It might be a bit racist and stereotypical to have the villain sound like an extra from some 70s blaxploitation flick, but I thought it worked. Sure the one liners were pretty crummy, but the delivery had my stomach hurting. A good looking cast of bad actors - isn't that like most mainstream horror films these days anyway?
TRIVIA: Both Andras Jones and Linnea Quigley would star in A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET PART 4: THE DREAM MASTER later the same year. Jones played the KARATE KID wannabe, Rick Johnson, while Quigley was an extra playing one of the lost souls inside Freddy Krueger's body.
THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE WAXING THE TWO BOWLING BALLS BETWEEN MY LEGS
- Babs, the paddle spanker, feels it's better to give than to receive. That's my motto too. Unfortunately, I haven't been giving or receiving much of anything lately. My little friend has become more depressed than I am. :(
- Girls initiated to sororities get spanked and covered in whipped cream, which leads them to shower together. Damn, is it too late to join one? I have something I'd like to spank these girls with. No wonder "Bush" was elected more than once.
- When the fat dude, Jimmie, got his wish of gold to come true by the Imp, the first thing he wanted was to do his hair and nails BEFORE buying a car. I had no idea that inside every fat man, there's a skinny conceited bitch dying to come out.
- Some guy said he was "stuffed tighter than a large cock". I'm sure Madonna and Paris Hilton know all about that from experience. Maybe they should trade notes!
- Don't ever attempt to escape an evil imp's presence. It'll lead to one of the many shocks of your life. Literally.
- A decapitated head doesn't make a good bowling ball. That's why men have TWO balls. We can spare one. Hell, it might help us get laid. Look at Lance Armstrong!
- A she-demon got killed by a fast moving bowling ball to her face. Who knew that what she enjoyed the most in her social life would be the death of her?
- Calvin hates she-demons. I know where he is coming from. My ex-girlfriend was a hellish pain in the ass too. If I had used Holy Water on her, I could have saved myself months of trouble.
- Every hot girl loves a cocktail. Unless it's a molotov. It'll just light a fire under her demonic ass.
THE FINAL HOWL
For a bad movie, SORORITY BABES IN THE SLIMEBALL BOWL-O-RAMA is a lot of a fun to watch. Hot naked chicks, cheesy SFX and dialogue, Linnea Quigley, and a Jive-taking Imp - yep, this is my kind of film. If you're looking for a deep horror-comedy, then you're looking at the wrong film. But if you just want to experience cheese for 80 minutes with a satisfied look on your face, SBITSBOR is your movie. It's not always about the quality, people. Sometimes the ride there is good enough. Check it out if you can SPARE the time. Get it? SPARE the time? Spare is a bowling reference?
Ugh...where's that Imp? I knew I should have wished for better material...